Withholding affection or withdrawing favor is not okay. It’s emotionally manipulative, psychologically abusive, and it’s what I call, “The Yo Yo.” It’s that place where I don’t know where I stand with you, am I in? Am I Out? Am I canceled forever? Am I supposed to do something to win back your affection? What did I even do to lose it?
(Don’t confuse this emotionally abusive, manipulative tactic with just needing to take a break or temporarily walking away. Or deciding to just stay away from negative or toxic people.)
This is called “The Yo Yo.” Stringing you along. Yanking you back and forth. Withholding affection to punish you and keep you constantly off center, second guessing yourself. Making you feel as if you have to dance on eggshells.
Blech. I just hate this behavior. Also, I don’t play this game. I come from this place already, and I have had to learn how to not repeat the pattern by refusing to play this game myself.
Hubby and I are really miracles, because we are both very avoidant, we come from dysfunction, and yet here we are decades later still able to go, okay, as soon as the heat of the moment passes and cools, I’ll still be here, we’ll still have a connection. I will not withdraw my affection. It’s not always so easy.
You know who else is like that? God. Yep, that’s where I learned what actually is healthy behavior, however flawed and imperfect my attempts to reflect it are. The Bible says, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
God does not play The Yo Yo game. He does not withhold His affection in order to punish, control, and manipulate us. God is God, if He wants us to do something, He can just send a whale, swallow us up, and spit us out right where He wants us.
Yes, I am talking about relationships, marriage especially, but really this post is about social media and facebook. Ha! Trigger alert, but it is FB that has gone and pushed my buttons. I am currently locked out of my account. I have found myself in FB jail several times over the years. Do I threaten, harass, or intimidate people? No. Do I post pornography or engage in excessive foul language? No. All I ever do is politely disagree with current narratives, somebody reports me for having caused them great offense, and poof, I’m locked out of my own account without so much as the opportunity to defend or explain myself.
What has gone and got my knickers all in a knot is that they have now decided to lift their ban. It’s like an abuser showing up on your doorstep with wine and roses….wanting to borrow some money and the car.
I don’t play that game. Facebook can just go get itself some therapy, build a relationship with Jesus, and learn how to treat people with some respect. I am not your plaything, Facebook. I’ve now washed my hair, moved on, and I’m seeing other people. You aren’t the only monkey on the monkey tree.
I am chuckling and in relatively good humor, but I just think somebody else needs to hear my words as much as I do.