It really is my job to fix you…


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Only a mom could say such a thing and get away with it. It really is my job to fix you.

There are a lot of potential pitfalls in making such a statement, codependancy, getting yourself chewed up and spit out, the truth that says people just ain’t so easy to fix. But the heart there is still right, the concept is still true.

It really is my job to fix you.

I was pondering this matter after reading a couple of blog posts that just rubbed me all wrong, basically how in faith, “it’s not my job to fix you.”

While that is somewhat true, only the Lord can fix you, and the Holy Spirit does all the work, to actually love someone properly often requires you to try to fix them.

Were I live we’re very accommodating, tolerant, accepting of everything. And I’ve never seen so many totally unloved people in my entire life! Seriously. It is downright painful to watch.

I will say something as gentle, as kind and forgiving as possible like, “I think your heroin addiction is really robbing you of your ability to pursue life and life abundant.”

Without fail somebody will accuse me of being judgy, intolerant, unloving. Yeah, crazy! Like the poor guy is killing himself, but I’m supposed to, “respect his lifestyle??” Wut?

True, I can’t “fix it,” but for crying out loud we have to at least say the words! Like passively sitting back and watching someone slowly kill themselves under the guise of “acceptance” is just all wrong.

It’s not love! Love does not politely look away. Love gets in your face sometimes. I can’t say I’m sorry about that at all, because the saddest thing of all is actually complete indifference. I am not indifferent to people’s suffering.

And so many people don’t even realize they are suffering! And one reason why they don’t even know they suffer needlessly, is because we insist on being “tolerant,” we’ve written a narrative that suggests “all choices are valid.”

All choices are NOT valid. Some choices are really, really,  bogus. You need to stop making bogus choices! If you can’t stop, you have to at least, want to stop. People can’t even get to that point if we’re going to insist that there is nothing wrong with them, that they don’t need fixing, that we should just “support their choices.”

I need fixing sometimes! I mean, how would you ever know you are loved without someone around to try to fix it? I have fixers everywhere 24/7, and yes it does get really annoying sometimes. They aren’t always right either…. but mostly they are. Guy stopped me in the store the other day and said, “you need to fix your blinker. I saw you last week without a turn signal and you still haven’t changed the bulb.” Ah, the joys of living in a small town!

But seriously, at least somebody cares.  I changed the bulb because I had forgotten all about it, put it off, dismissed it, and yet he was totally right. It’s rather silly to drive around with a new bulb in your car, but not actually in the socket. So fix it!

I realize that there is often a whole lot of abuse in the world, judgment and condemnation, people acting like jerks, and yet we don’t throw the whole baby out with the bath water and start pretending that unconditional acceptance of what is completely unacceptable is some kind of weird “virtue.”

Anyone else have any experience with this maddening culture we live in that just won’t let you love people as they actually need to be loved?

man in black shirt and gray denim pants sitting on gray padded bench

Photo by Inzmam Khan on