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First let me just cut to the chase, people are dumb! I mean that with as much kindness as possible. I would probably be dumb too, but I do have a little bit of training in infection control.

I have spent my entire life working around people who put dirty bandages on the kitchen counters, toss used needles in the wastepaper baskets, put stool samples in the fridge with their leftovers, wipe their noses on their sleeves, and other assorted joys.

So, I’m not totally neurotic or obsessive compulsive about germs or anything, but I just can’t handle dirty gloves and masks thrown on the ground or laying on the counter! Like, yuck. Also, big bio-hazard. You need to put your gloves and masks in the garbage. Taking them off and putting them on a table so you can use them later is just like licking the whole table.

Second, what’s with the plastic shower curtains everywhere? Like, no! Just no. I do not want some dirty piece of plastic slapping me in the face while I’m waiting in line or sitting in a chair. Every single person in that line has left germs on it and now all in the name of covid prevention, I’m basically being forced to lick everyone’s face.

Thanks, guys.

A sneeze guard is exactly that, intended to catch sneezes. Unless you are sanitizing your sneeze guard every 3 minutes, it is more germy than the air in front of you! It simply gives germs a place to congregate and hang out. You’d be better off kissing the person waiting in line behind you, than inhaling the aerosols of 50 people lingering around that plastic.

Let me take a deep breath here. Quite a few things we are doing in order to make people FEEL safe, are in fact probably making us all much LESS safe. We can always toss some lemon scented urinal cakes in the bathroom and make everyone FEEL safe and fresh, but we have actually done nothing to reduce the transfer of germs. Germs don’t care about our feelings.

Masks are restricting people’s breathing and concentrating germs right around their mucus membranes. Also, now we’re rubbing our eyes and noses and adjusting our masks! Germs don’t have legs and feet, they do not travel on their own. The way we usually get them into our bodies is by……carrying them with our hands and rubbing them into our noses, mouth and eyes!

Masks are a beautiful vehicle for this.

I have had a bunch of doctors try to argue about this with me on Twitter. Let me just state this flat out, most doctors are filthy pigs. Actually that’s probably an insult to pigs, since they are relatively clean animals. I’m just saying, if it it weren’t for nurses, CNA’s, and housekeepers, we’d all be dead by now. Doctors don’t wear cheesy paper masks to prevent the spread of viruses. Those are called “face napkins.” Any doctor trying to tell you your paper mask is going to protect you or other people from a virus is simply full of coconut candy.

This is performance art, people. It is a game. We are hanging plastic showers curtains and walking around with masks so people will FEEL as if they are safe and well cared for. Also, it helps people to feel as if they are doing something important to fight covid. In truth, much or what we are doing is more damaging to our health, puts us at higher risk of getting sick, and is in fact, gross. Yes, gross. “Gross” is the scientific word for making more cooties.

I don’t know where all the grown ups are. I don’t know where the infection control people are. I don’t know what is wrong with our public health officials. I just know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we’ve lost our darn minds and are now being dominated and ruled entirely by feelings and not science.