I have decided to simply self-identify as a Messianic Jew. This should help to provide emotional validation and comfort to those who continuously accuse me of being “pickled in post-modernism.” Quite so, post modern it is, you may now pat yourself on the back for your vastly superior powers of discernment. I will issue a list of acceptable pronouns post-haste, so you will all know how to validate and affirm my new identity……
For those concerned about my excessive use of the word “I,” we shall now refer to ourself as a “we.” This should help to confirm either that there is a mouse in my pocket or that “we” suffer from a pathological personality disorder. Or perhaps both. Nikola Tesla was said to a have had a love affair with a pigeon, so a mouse in We’s pocket should not be such a big deal.
Self-identifying as a Messianic Jew should help to drive away the anti-Semites, too. We is so bored hearing endless tales of the vast Jewish conspiracy for world domination. We is rather hurt to find We accused of anti-Semitism herself. We is actually quite fond of Jews, and of Israel too, so if there is a secret Jewish cabal actually interested in world domination, we so hope they send We an email and avail themselves of my services.
We is quite pleased to discover that We can now self-identify as a Messianic Jew and maintain her half century of faith in a consistent manner. Same bible, same Jewish Messiah, same nothing but the blood of Jesus except We shall now use proper Hebrew names for my Lord and Savior and declare, nothing but the blood of Yeshua.
I hope my critics find this pleasing. We do aim to please. Also, attempting to learn Hebrew is going to really byte, but We shall do our best.