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I just want to put this out there, I am spatially challenged. Not really, perhaps a better way of describing it is spatially divergent. I actually struggle with left and right, but I understand port and starboard perfectly. See the difference is that port and starboard never move whereas if I move my position your entire orientation will change and you will no longer be on my right. My brain just struggles to understand why in the world you would move, when it is actually my position that has shifted?

I am laughing here, but this is actually not a “defect,” meaning I have rescued several directionally challenged people in my life. I have a pretty good sense of direction. The other day I rescued some men from a big box store. I kid you not, they could not find the front of the store and were walking in circles for some time getting rather irritable about it.

I’m generally pretty good at instinctively finding North, in the woods or on a trail. My problem arises with East and West and not being quite sure if East is going to be to the port or starboard. Freeways make me crazy. When heading North, you must exit on the right to get on the road heading West….which is actually going to go South for the next 22 miles.

Ai yi yi. Make that make sense.

Being spatially challenged is more related to things like back up cameras. Yeah, turn it off, it’s going to serve no useful purpose for me. I cannot look at things backward and upside down and translate that into some kind of spatially coherent message. Which leads me to what triggered this entire rant. Samsung has been working on putting video screens on big delivery trucks so that when you approach one you can actually see around them and determine if it is safe to pass and how to not only avoid being in their blind spot, but how to see beyond your own.

Something I frequently say to people is, I do not multi task. Do not ask me to focus on multiple things at once. This can be a source of great pride these days so it takes a bit of effort to maintain my refusal. People often scoff at me. These days we’re all about hacks and efficiency and seriously overestimating our own abilities so such ideas are very unfashionable. Too bad, refuse to multi task, I tell ya. It’s actually kind of exploitative and you have the right to protect yourself from multiple demands.

All in good humor here, I actually jest a bit about being spatially challenged. It is true enough, it is just that I am probably less spatially challenged than about 65% of the population. That’s a totally made up number, I’m just saying whereas I am keenly aware of my own spatial challenges, a huge percentage of the population clearly is not. People’s tendency to overestimate their ability to multi task and to spatially translate multiple sources of information is downright terrifying to me.

So if all these giant screens start showing up on the cars in front of us, let the record show, I will be walking.