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I speak of those little call buttons forever memorialized in, “help I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.” There are perhaps half a dozen of these companies selling safety, security, comfort. If you are in distress, you can’t always reach a phone….or remember who you are supposed to call anyway. It’s a panic button.
They work pretty well, I don’t wish to disparage the annoying little things, but they have a whole lot more to do with providing comfort to the family, than the client. Perhaps 70% of the people I know toss them in a drawer or throw them under the bed. They don’t work so good if you don’t know where the thing even is.
The other day I sucked one up in the vacuum cleaner, its little string all entwined in those rollers, the button whacking itself a good dozen times before I managed to pull the plug. These things have a machine that goes with them, often hidden under the bed, and it will talk to you, very loudly, just in case you are three rooms away.
I have an issue with disembodied voices, spying devices, and people yelling at me, but this particular company makes it all the more special by making sure all their operators are wise guys from New Jersey. So it is as if the entire mafia is now hiding under the bed yelling at you. They always startle me so the first thing I usually do is shriek….. and then I laugh, partially relief when I realize I am not actually hearing voices and partially because these tough guys with their heavy accents trying to sound so gentle and solicitous is downright comical.
I don’t have to say a word, I just start laughing and they already know who they are dealing with. So they have to make sure everything is okay before I can push the button and make them go away, so they ask about my client. I really have no idea how my client is, I am in another room trying to untangle her panic button from the vacuum.
And the guy actually says with much concern, “was she wearing it at the time?”
I really don’t know what to say at this point. Is that common? Do caregivers often vacuum up people’s life alert buttons while they are wearing them? I mean all incompetence aside, I am somewhat proud of the fact that I have never actually strangled anyone while vacuuming.
I can’t even imagine how much paperwork I’d have to fill out if that happened, but knowing the red tape happiness engineers as I do, there’s probably already a form for that sort of thing.
The V Pub said:
I’ve never tried using a vacuum on myself. God knows my dog sheds like a fiend, but I’d rather be safe and use that sticky roller thing that cost two bucks. And yes, removing anything like string or a ribbon from the vacuum roller is horrific.
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Mike said:
You cannot fit the Entire Mafia under your bed. Sometimes I question your spacial capabilities, IB.
And, the only suitable answer to his question is… “Yes. Yes, she was. Around her neck. But not anymore.” Then immediately hang up.
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insanitybytes22 said:
LOL, my spacial capabilities are well, spatial at best. 🙂
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Mike said:
Indeed.
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Scarlett said:
I packaged mine up to return it to the company, all nicely taped and addressed and was going to Walmart first, and then to the Post office to send it off, when the darned thing started going off, red alert, red alert…”she’s not answering her phone, or turning it off!” I knew this thing has a tracking device, and I began having visions of an ambulance and first responders pulling in to Walmart next to my car. So, I had to turn around and rush home and open the package and disconnect the accursed thing from the battery. Long story a bit shorter…I’m so glad it’s now safely where it can’t find me anymore.
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insanitybytes22 said:
Lol! Yes indeed, it can be a bit disconcerting carrying about a tracking device. 🙂
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MJThompson said:
Wouldn’t it be fun to put one on my dog?
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Julie (aka Cookie) said:
I laugh as my step mother’s “clicker” as we call it, lives on a lamp in her bedroom, exactly where she put it the day the security guy came to update the system two years ago.
I will say that dad wore his religiously and even used it twice when my step mother fell…but that was before he became bed bound as we now have 24hr care.
Yesterday I was cleaning off his bedside table, tossing junk he’s had sitting around probably for a couple of years…2 year old receipts, empty pill bottles, a mercury filled thermometer still in the original box from when I was a baby….and there in the midst of the ancient trash was his “clicker”.
“Dad, here’s your clicker if you’ve missed it” as he was suddenly got excited then just as quickly got disappointed when I didn’t mean another new remote for the TV…sigh
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MJThompson said:
Hilarious! How long was your client stuck in the bag? How did the para-medics get her out? Do you think the ‘Jersey boys’ ever get tempted to play games? – “Dottie, this is Jesus….”
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SLIMJIM said:
Man this is so funny! And I don’t even know what these things were until I looked it up as a result of reading this post.
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MJThompson said:
10 points for NOT knowing what Life Alert is – proof you watch minimal boob-tube, Good for you, except you seem too familiar with inter-blog. LOL
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SLIMJIM said:
Haha wow you hit it on the nail. I actually don’t watch TV, don’t have one in my house for 6 years but I am on the blogosphere a lot.
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Gee Jen said:
As a health worker who recommends and organises these devices for clients I have very mixed emotions about this post :p !!
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insanitybytes22 said:
LOL! 🙂
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