Doctor Death is my latest crush and I love him. Of course by “love” I mean the modern superficial version, where one loves finding that buttered popcorn jelly bean in a bag of mystery flavors.
As far as I know, Doctor Death has never actually killed anyone, although I once did long ago or so I thought. I was very young and naive, so it’s hardly my fault that I murdered my first patient. Things happen. I once helped a lovely woman named Delores put on some pressure socks….and then an hour or so later she passed away. Never mind that a doctor had to sit me down and explain that Delores was 98 and that it was virtually impossible to kill anyone with pressure socks, that murder remained a stain on my heart for a long time. I was sure I had killed her, one moment she was alive and vibrant and then she was just gone. Delores died smiling too, her face so at rest, so peaceful, as if she had caught a glimpse of something beautiful on her way out the door.
I met Doctor Death while making him a quad mocha breve with extra sugar. It’s a dreadful drink, sure to kill all but the hardiest souls outright, so I quipped, “I think you need a doctor’s note to order this.” He did not get the joke, he simply looked at me strangely and said, “Why? Have you seen what it’s like to get old? Do you think I want that??!”
Doctor Death gets him name simply because of his wry and irreverent humor about death. He can be quite delightful sometimes, try to speak to him about good nutrition, exercise and he will say, “Whatever for? What do you think you’re saving yourself from?” I once tried to explain to him that it helps to reduce suffering and keep disease at bay and he said, “So you’re basically just a wuss then?”
Doctor Death thinks we should go boldly into that good night, ravished, ruined, completely trashed as if we had been partying excessively and must now drag our hangover into the next dimension, like one might drag themselves into the bathroom to meet the porcelain god.
As far as I know he doesn’t actually drink, although he does seem to have an addiction to raisonettes, about 3 pounds a day. He keeps a handful in his pocket and pops them in his mouth frequently, kindly offering me one. I’ve tried explaining that I don’t like chocolate covered raisins, but it isn’t really true, what I don’t like is pocket lint, especially pocket lint wrapped around something that looks a bit like a rabbit turd. Then there is the matter of his hands, I know exactly where his hands have been. Filthy creatures doctors, really.
I like the irreverent ones, the ones who aren’t afraid to speak plainly, with that wry gallows humor. It encourages the rest of us to laugh, to stop taking life and ourselves so seriously. I sat with someone through yet another Good Doctor lecture, “we need to get your blood sugar under control, your blood pressure, your cholesterol, control your heart..” Control, control, control, and I found myself longing for Doctor Death. Doctor Death would have simply looked at my gentlemen patient and said, “So, Â do you like cigars?”
Doctor Death gets it, he understands the tragedy of modern life, the way we often spend decades futilely trying to stave off death and sometimes we forget that there is joy to be found in the living too, that our lives need not revolve exclusively around our health problems as if that is going to be a battle we are even capable of winning.
Someone smart once said that the tragedy of life is not fear of death, it is fear of living. To come to the end of the road, well-preserved, having done all the right things, made all the right choices, and now dying anyway, well that is simply too much “right” for me, too much regret, to much of a failure to have truly lived life on the edge, soaring and sailing through all its grand adventures.
Paul said:
Well now, aren’t we the cheerful one today.That’s a long way of putting “Life’s a bitch and then you die.” I thik we can and do beat the devil daily as Charlie Daniels put it:
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insanitybytes22 said:
Ah, even better than beating the devil daily, in Jesus Christ we get to beat him eternally. We can go cheerfully into the great unknown, confident in that Truth.
I love Charlie Daniels, thanks, Paul. Not long ago I got to go see some dueling banjos and fiddles. There is nothing better than a good music duel. 🙂
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Paul said:
As an aside IB, I have a guest post over at Mark Bialcak’s https://markbialczak.com/2016/09/11/potpourri/ I would be honored if you had the time to drop by for a read and comment. Thank You.
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Susan Irene Fox said:
Well, when I first saw the title of your post I thought you were writing about Dr. Jack Kevorkian! (But he died back in 2011.)
I like this doctor’s attitude. I go in healthful spurts. My time to go will be my time to go. And truthfully, now that I abide in the Lord, I have no more fear of death. Someone once said surrendering to God is THE grand adventure. I’m enjoying the journey until I see Him face to face and run to give Him a huge hug! 😀
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insanitybytes22 said:
Amen! Surrendering to God really is the grand adventure and in that context stepping from life to death is simply another phase in the journey.
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fromscratchmomblog said:
hmm, I use the what for jokes for explaining I am not a germaphobe and couldn’t care less about germaphobe rules for society. but I do like to look for what is genuinely and naturally healthy and thank God for improvements in my health despite friends and associates who seem to think my interest in health is some kind of offense against everyone else’s choices. Oh, if I could just get ahold of them and force some beneficial microbes into their guts… lol
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insanitybytes22 said:
Ha! Is there someway we could get some healthy microbes into people’s brains? Do they make a brain probiotic? I know some people who could really benefit from a good cleanse. 🙂
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fromscratchmomblog said:
Haha! Let s develop one!
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ColorStorm said:
Ah somewhat serendipitous here. Wrote of a death related thing myself today.I like yours better. 😉
The lint and the raisins with the 98 year old was just too much. The daily double of sanctified humor. Love it. So it is true after all………..you do shame grandmothers and wither…………….. lolol.
Great stuff ms bytes.
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Salvageable said:
I enjoyed this post from start to finish, but you had me already at the buttered popcorn jelly bean. Those are my favorite too. J.
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