Something I wish to lament is this Christian tendency in some parts to launch what I call the, “Potiphar’ s Wife defense.” At this moment in time I am referring to Gateway church and Pastor Morris but there have been many others. I’ll spare you all the links to assorted blog posts right now that are directly mentioning Potiphar’s wife in relation to the Gateway situation.
For those who don’t know, Potiphar’s wife was well off and powerful, the wife of the Captain of the Guard. Joseph was a slave. The power differential between the two should be obvious. To compare a 12 year old child who you sexually exploited when her family showed you hospitality, to Potiphar’s wife, just lands on the wrong side of stupid. There simply is no comparison.
Also there is a confession, a resignation, and several people who have known about the abuse for decades. The abuse is not even in dispute. What makes this case so appalling is that nobody even disputes that it occurred! So to invoke Potiphar’s wife as if, “we must protect justice, this victim is probably lying,” is way off base. Also there will be no justice anyway, at least not in terms of the criminal justice system. He is not going to face criminal charges.
But I wanted to speak about secondary victims, in this case, the victim’s family, especially her father. I don’t know his whole story. but in part he was angry and probably wanted to kill the man who had hurt his kid. We do know he confronted them. What some people don’t understand about child sexual abuse and an ensuing cover up is that you’ve just victimized a whole lot of people. The safety and well being of children and their healing is a priority, but I mean, often a father is decimated in the process, too. I’m not trying to speak for him, but I’m sure he must have struggled a sense of betrayal, with his own regrets and inadequacies, his own inability to protect one of his children through no fault of his own. I have no idea how he may have also wrestled with faith, wondered if that too may have been a deception, but those kind of things would be likely.
Expand that grief and confusion over to the mom and the rest of the family, friends, community, the loss of your church. So you see, this wasn’t a crime against one little girl, this was a crime against a father, against an entire family, a community, a church. I don’t think that truth gets told enough.
Some Christians, including some pastors, need to stop acting as if all women are honey pot Jezebels sent to falsely accuse some innocent man just like Potiphar’s wife did. Child sexual abuse is actually not just a crime against a child, it’s an attack on fatherhood itself.
I wish some of these family values, pro patriarchy types would put that fact in their pipe and smoke it.
See, there's this thing called biology... 
Thank you for your thoughts on this, and I agree. I am in the process of writing up a related post, one that asks why victims of sexual abuse are treated differently to victims of other crimes. It is horrific that victims are so often treated like they are somehow at fault for what happened.
As a father myself, I hope I never face a situation similar to the father in this case. I cannot imagine what this does to a family.
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Too add insult to injury, Morris actually targeted this father, emotionally abused him, and attempted to use him as a scapegoat. He gave a few really creepy sermons over the years saying things like, fathers if you don’t love your daughters someone else will. His letters to Cindy are vile too, they say things like your father forgave me, your father blessed my ministry implying you better consult with your father, he may not like this. He was trying to drive a wedge and emotionally confuse both her and her father so they wouldn’t expose him.
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He sounds like such a vile piece of work. It staggers me that there are people who defend him.
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I bow to your wisdom. In the early 1980s, there were only 2 fathers in the state of Texas that had total “joint custody” of their children shared with their ex. The first was because the mom was terminally ill.
I was the 2nd father.
This happened for many reasons. My 3 year old daughter & 1 year old son lived with me generally 4 to 5 days each week, sometimes 7.
I have to laugh now remembering being a tired single & working dad. My parents & family helped while I worked. So tired, that on a Saturday, i would wear a long sleeve shirt so I could diaper pin each to one designated arm so I could sleep while they played with their respective toys. Survival.
The 3 year old daughter is now back from living 11 years in UK & S Korea. She was a professor criminal psychology. Now she leads a division of a neurology health school in Texas. The one year old son is now a movie director & screenplay writer & has recently moved back to Texas with his wife & 2 children. We are blessed.
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Ahh, what a wonderfully story! Thanks for sharing it. What a blessing!
Absolutely, toddlers are exhausting and will wipe you out, something that is even more challenging if you are working. I remember I was at a mall once with a child in a stroller who wanted out. A friend thought I should let her walk and get some exercise. The thing is, they don’t ever “walk.” They run at full speed! This mall actually had a monkey cage at one end with tunnels and things to climb on where you could let them run free to their heart’s content.
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Oh, goodness. Yes. We just recently connected with an old friend, and he shared about an incident he and his wife went through with their then toddler son. They discovered and stopped things before it got too far, but… yeah. He admits to murderous feelings in his anger. Incredibly devastating. The person was a member of the extended family, and it split them apart, with some refusing to believe it happened or defending the perpetrator. He had to see the perpetrator almost every day.
There is never only one victim in such cases.
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Well said. I’m sorry about your friend. Absolutely, murderous feelings are probably natural. That’s why you give bears with cubs a wide berth in the woods. We were designed to protect our young.
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Honest question. When does discussing a situation not involving us become gossip? What’s the line of demarcation?
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It’s a good question. Gossip generally involves an element of untruth for the purpose of tearing someone down or attacking them. There is a lot of nuance involved, for example kids can be “tattle tales” for the purpose of bullying, exposing others, or seeking attention. On the other hand they can also be “tattle tales” for the sake of safety and well being, like informing you that the kitchen is on fire or someone is injured. Grown up people are much the same. What makes something gossip is related to our intention, purpose, and motivation, as well as the amount of truth involved.
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A family member to “gossip”.. even according to IB’s definition here… “Gossip generally involves an element of untruth for the purpose of tearing someone down or attacking them.” is the political side of applying conspiracy theories to justify personal bias. Gossip is not just for “church ladies” anymore.
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Not so sure the connotation has to necessarily be about falsehoods to be gossip. Case in point “did you hear.. Joe wears a toupe.”. Does it matter if its true or not? Its gossip. If two people are talking behind the back of Joe about something that doesn’t involve them. I guess motivation plays a part, more than the truthfulness of the content… in my mind anyway. What do you think?
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For me, it stops being gossip and starts becoming news of interest when there is deliberate malfeasance or injustice involved. There are always sensational stories in the media—usually when a sexual element is involved. The police are investigating, or a trial is going on—everything in the system is functioning like it should; but the media is raking over the lurid details and people like you described are vicariously involved in it—that’s gossip.
It crosses the line and becomes of news interest if, for example, the accused uses his power and influence to thwart the investigation or rig the trial, or frame an innocent person. In that case, it needs to be brought out in the open and discussed because in that case, it ceases to concern only the parties involved and represents an actual threat to the community at large.
A good example would be the Jeffrey Epstein story. The sexual allegations to me is gossip and doesn’t concern anybody (but that’s what everyone focuses on). The fact that Epstein was engaging in sexual blackmail, was used as an ‘asset’ by intelligence services, was engaged in money-laundering for ‘black budget’ operations—we could add into that the suspicious circumstances around his death and making Ghislaine Maxwell the scapegoat for everything he did—but those are Third Rail Topics that no one will touch.
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For me I have to ponder it each time and often pray about it. For example, I tend to address someone who is in the public spotlight, like a blogger with a huge following who is giving media interviews. What they’ve said is now in the public domain which therefore invites public opinion.
There is also an element related to outright criminality and public safety that needs to take precedent over someone’s privacy. I personally am not interested in who is wearing a toupe, having sexual relations with other adults, or cheating on their diet.
These are really good questions to be asking especially in the social media age with the erosion of our privacy rights.
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Might do us all good to walk back thru how the bible might answer the question of gossip. I haven’t searched the topic in awhile. I guess now I’m prompted to. 🙂
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Isn’t adult/child sex destructive for the species generally?
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Oh boy.. Jack. Whenever I’ve brought up the idea of human procreation and any form of Darwinism being “natural” in the diversity of mankind I’m met with the Bible post haste. Just because we have instincts as assigned to us by nature (or the Almighty) doesn’t mean we should not have moral proclivities to to guide in exercising those those instincts. Yet.. it’s helpful not to assign our instinctual desires as sins that need controlling when we are just engaging in procreation of our species. It’s the old, just because we can doesn’t mean we should, idea.
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Seems to me, sex is just another appetite and they all need some management appropriate to each … And our management ability appears something of a variable. Add: Faith helps, for those who can hang on to it.
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Management everywhere is a variable… and often marginally effective. But I do like your borrowing from Mr. Franklin in your last sentence. 🙂
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I’m gong to suggest that adult/child sexual exploitation really is bad for the species. Since it is bad for the species, it could not possibly be natural or the result of evolution.
It is also not necessarily even “sexual” which is a rather complex subject that we still don’t fully understand. I have no desire to dig too deeply into assorted compulsions and human psychology, but people who prey on children are not sexually deprived or sexually tempted.
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You’re suggesting sex of and by itself is not always (nor easily) defined as a temptation.. many times a weapon or a release of abhorrent emotion with other origins. I would agree wholeheartedly.
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