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Who had, “Orcas organize and begin sinking boats” on their dystopian bingo card?? Alas, I did not see that one coming.

However, I do know orcas are called “killer whales” for a reason. Although they are technically dolphins, the word Orcinus actually means, “kingdom of the dead.” They are sometimes called “blackfish,” which is not actually an ode to their cheerful disposition and gentle demeanor.

I am laughing here on account of the fact that although we have made them seem like cute, cuddly critters, in need of our rescue as in, “save the whales,” they are actually apex predators. Also, they really like to play with their food. Just saying! They will literally toss and bat about half dead seals, for fun, for recreational and entertainment purposes.

For some more perspective, they have no natural enemies. They can take down a whale. They sometimes attack sharks, for goodness sakes.

I do have a tiny bit of experience with them. I have been up close and personal on a few occasions. Once I was in a very small dinghy and three of them thought I might be a fun toy to play with. There was really nothing to do but hang on and just hope for the best. They are surprisingly agile and graceful, so if they had wanted to do more than get me soaked and thoroughly rattled, it would have taken no effort at all. I’ll never forget their restraint, their skill in terrorizing me for a sustained period of time without ever actually knocking me overboard. I mean, they were just dinking with me, for lack of a better word.

They really are beautiful creatures and probably fairly intelligent, I am just saying, they are not vegans. Apex predators all the way and about 20 ft long, weighing tons. Big apex predators of the sea. Top of the food chain.

I’ve been following the recent story of the ship sinking Orcas with some cultural curiosity, mostly watching how we create these diversions, these distractions, and then proceed to dramatize and anthropomorphisize. That’s just a fancy word that means, “make the animals seem like humans.” For example, “Experts say the phenomenon may have started after a female killer whale had a traumatic encounter with a vessel at sea.”

See, she was an innocent victim of oppression and trauma until finally, in the throes of her PTSD, she created a gang of malcontents with the exclusive goal of vengeance against the human race and eventual world domination. They now freely roam the oceans sinking ships and drinking blood from the skulls of their enemies. Numbers are growing as new recruits are seduced and radicalized into the clan.…..

By the way, the original cult leader of this dangerous clan is allegedly named “White Gladis” which gave me a good chuckle. That’s almost better than just calling her a “karen.”

If you want my opinion, which of course no one ever does, but I’m pretty sure they are just “dinking” around. That is the official scientific explanation for, “look at this decent sized chew toy that just rolled into our territory! Score! I wonder if it has a squeaker inside of it?”

Also, “when six or seven Orcas started slamming into his vessel for two hours” we do not have a case of, “failed attack.” I’m guessing 6 Orcas would be a bare minimum of 12 tons, meaning it would take approximately 6.2 seconds to completely dismantle your entire boat. Two hours of slamming into you clearly meets the definition of, “just dinking around.” They really are gentle giants in the sense that you really do have to be incredibly graceful and really careful when you are massively powerful.

Not that anyone cares, but actually Orcas have often behaved in this very same manner for as long as we’ve been watching them. Even the HuffnPuff article mentions how, “Since 2020, there have been “continuous” reports of orcas having these kinds of “interactions” with boats.” It’s actually been going on much longer than that, but nobody seems to have been born before 2020 anymore so apparently everything now is just, “new and unprecedented.”

I suspect these problematic encounters becoming more frequent may be more directly related to the recent fad of “whale watching.” People now seem to want to get up close and personal with wild creatures and seem surprised when they encounter any sort of resistance or reaction.

A bit comical what a huge fan club “White Gladis” has now built on social media. I’m kind of starting to like her myself.