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anger, bitterness, blogging, faith, insanitybytes22, life, opinion
Just for the record, I tend to bypass anger and just slide over into tired, depressed, and powerless. That is especially true this time of year when the weather is very grey and gloomy, as if to say, ahhh the sheer futility of it all, why bother.
Part of that is related to my personality type, I’m simply too lazy to throw a proper fit, and part of that is probably related to being biologically female. It’s simply a fact that women tend to be more inclined to stuff our anger, creating more depression for ourselves. It’s not written in stone, there are other variables, but as a gross generalization that is often true. Women will suppress, repress, oppress, and stuff our anger in a myriad of ways.
So as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten much better at saying, “No thank you.” Just “nope.” This is how I prevent bitterness from taking root. See, I have a boundary right here. If you push it too much, I tend to get cranky and eventually bitter. For the most part, I think I’m pretty cheerful! I think I’m pretty easy to get along with. Could I be completely deluded as to the nature of myself? Perhaps, but it’s doubtful. Okay, so now have a chuckle with me because dog gone if I don’t often get accused of being bitter, angry, and non cooperative! So what do I do to warrant all this condemnation? I say mean things like, “No, thank you.” Not interested. Will not be going there. Can’t play along. Not good with that. Nope.
So angry. So bitter. So non cooperative. You know what? You should really learn to just smile more.
Ai yi yi.
That’s it, that’s the whole post. Why do women so often stuff their anger and send themselves into a depression? Because there is almost no social support for doing anything else. In fact, you will often simply incur the wrath of others around you if you attempt to so much as mention that there could be a potential problem going on or that your unconditional cooperation is not going to be a guaranteed given at all times.
Also, this is frequently my experience with other women. It is women who often cluck and clutch their pearls and pronounce me bitter. Men almost never say anything to me at all, except perhaps, why aren’t you angry? It’s so weird how you don’t fight back! Punch them in the head. All in good humor here, but that is a family joke, on account of the fact that the only genuinely logical response to someone constantly stomping on your foot and refusing to stop is, “just punch them in the head.” I can offer you a bazillion arguments about why forgoing violence is wise, fruitful, and generally a more desirable course of action, but I simply cannot argue with the pure logic. Yes, indeed, that would probably fix the problem rather quickly. It is probably even preferable to believing the problem has no solution and just descending into complete nihilism, which is often my preferred course of action.
Just knowing that “punch them in head” is a viable option, cheers me up immensely. See, I’m not powerless at all, I’m just declining to utilize one of the many options available to me…..
So here’s my wisdom for today, yes, pluck out those roots of bitterness, don’t let them take hold and grow. That means you must address your anger, give it room to speak to you. Sit with it, let it nourish you. The Bible actually tells us, “Be ye angry….” Hardly anyone ever focuses on that part of the verse, but it’s practically a commandment. Sure, sin not, absolutely, but be ye angry.…
Jesus got angry and He was sin free and perfect. Therefore experiencing anger must be a perfect part of our design. Anger does not necessarily mean one is bitter. In fact, often the very same people who have irked your ire and given you cause for righteous anger, are the same ones who will now try to dismiss you as “bitter. “
I don’t know what her problem is, I guess she’s just bitter. We didn’t do nuttin to contribute to this problem.
Pffft, goodbye to all that. I’m not playing those games.
Now of course, if you have anger management issues and do tend to run about punching people in the head frequently, please disregard this post. I’m just saying that “bitterness” is actually defined as “anger, disappointment, and resentment about, being treated unfairly and unjustly.“
The alleged bitterness is not the root of the problem, it’s the potential fruit or result of being subjected to a ton of, “unfair injustice.”
Reblogged this on clydeherrin.
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Thank you for your kindness, Clyde. Much appreciated.
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I think bitterness flows from entitlement, that is thinking that this world is going to treat us fairly when obviously that is never going to happen. So then we blame God , who already told us we should just trust Him because one day he will judge those who treated us unfairly. But we want justice now! As for women, we like drama , we’re easily bored, and we like to bitch . 🤣 yes men do it too , but that’s not really normal . It’s a modern disease . Okay , I’m ready for your rebuttal. ☺️
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Ha! I haven’t got a rebuttal for all our complaining, being bored, and our love of drama. That is clearly true and even worse in the modern world of click bait. People are looking for excitement, conflict, and tragedy.
However, there is a good kind of entitlement, the kind that helps civilization work smoothly. We should have a reasonable expectation of civilized behavior from others. We are entitled to a sense of security and safety on some level. Like, if we put money in a bank we are entitled to expect them to look after it, to keep it safe.
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Maybe what matters is how we react when our expectations meet reality . We can recognize human weaknesses and move on or we can become discouraged and resentful which lead to bitterness. Somebody posted about protecting our hearts . I’ll try to find it .
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Amen, guarding our heart, which can also mean keeping our expectations realistic, is also probably a good thing.😊
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Bitterness could be the step before (or would that be behind?) being jaded. You live in the Pacific Northwest.. noted for beautiful vistas, the occasional picturesque volcano, and clean air, yet also that gloomy weather you suggested, and with that a higher incidence for depression and suicide. Ever thought of relocating? I gotta think there are a number of red states with better climates.
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Wow, you are so ON POINT with this post. You have no idea how good it was for me to read it at this particular time. I’m not the “depression” type (I sooooo hate how if you–primarily women–appear to sound sad or upset or, God forbid, actually cry, that everyone jumps on the bandwagon saying you need to get some Prozac for that, or call a suicide hotline). Suicide? Seriously? I get way too angry to ever contempt that, and it’s a pretty “no win” thing to do, anyway. (Mind you, I’m not trying to make light of the subject of suicide as it has become a national problem in America.)
Like you, I consider myself to be pretty cheerful, easy going, and friendly type at least 98% of the time. And I so hate the assumptions others make that are mostly not helpful when that 2% of the time when I’m not that way shows up (but I never show it out in public). Just let me get it out of my system without involving anyone else as I’ve made it for 70 years now doing that. Just don’t assume anything about me–it is their assumptions that make me angry. Well, getting mobbed by several women while reaching for a bottle of coffee creamer in the grocery store three days ago makes me wonder what our country is coming to (apparently, they all wanted it at the exact same time I reached in to get it–and they literally appeared out of nowhere). I guess they’ve never heard of the concept of “personal space” or being considerate of others besides what they want “right now “(so get out of their way, right?). As you say…
“Ai yi yi.” 🙂
I know you like to refer to the area of the country where you live as the “Ninth Circuit of Hell,” but I don’t think your area has the corner on that market… 🙂 I try to be cheerful no matter what I run into (like that mob of women who just had to have coffee creamer when I was getting it) and I try to just blow it off and move on, but that kind of behavior is all too common today, and it did not exist as it does today when I was much younger.
So thanks for putting into words what I would not have known how to express as eloquently as you have stated it. You are absolutely “right on” with everything you wrote. 🙂
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Sorry about the typo… it should be “contemplate” and not “contempt.” I so hate that autocorrect thing. If AI ever takes over, we are all in serious trouble… 🙂 🙂 🙂
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Thank you for that awesome comment and your kind words. Sorry about the brawl over coffee creamer. You are so right, that kind of behavior is not appropriate. Ha! In my store we are actually now rationing out eggs, because people are trying to hoard them. The urge to have more than anyone else, to be the only one with all the toilet paper, is so silly as to be darkly humorous.
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I know what you mean, Sara. Autocorrect is my worst enema. 😉
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I have zero problem with being angry and will vent it at intervals. I used to think if you explained things to people in a reasonable manner, then you could have a reasonable discussion, and they would understand what you are trying to say, even if they don’t agree with it. Boy, was I wrong. Yes, I can do that. But almost zero percent of the population is both able and willing. The only thing people really understand is pain. That’s why punches are effective. They are understood. It’s too bad I’m not a fighter and would end up the loser if I threw a punch.
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Lol! Oh my goodness, I also suffer from the illusion that we can just have a reasonable conversation, understand one another, and poof, problem solved. Well shoot, that only seems to work with about 5% of the population and is obviously an unrealistic expectation. 😂
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As Paula said, we can trust God to judge wrongdoers eventually, but we want justice NOW.
I did give a major (to me) offense to the Lord, and He took the burden from my shoulders. (*whew!*) What he had done was pretty stinky, but technically not illegal. Years later I received news that the person had been arrested and convicted and was serving a lengthy prison sentence. God was much harder on him than I would have been.
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There is definitely a place for righteous anger
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” I’m simply too lazy to throw a proper fit,” This speaks volumes to my diligence. =) Just punch them in the head? I agree! I’ve been searching for a punching bag I can use for kickboxing as well, as I’ve longed to kick something the last several years *laugh, cry*.
Missed you.
xoxo
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How nice to hear form you! Missed you, too. 🙂
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Good post! Funny too!
Anger is hard topic. All some see in the Bible is the WRATH of an angry God. Others won’t admit God can hate anything.
What about us being angry? The problem with anger is that we have to control it, not let our anger control us.
We also have to be angry with the right thing. Jesus is angry with our conduct and our hypocrisy. He still loves us. Isn’t that what the Bible says?
In the hope we will learn something from our sinfulness, He allows us to suffer the consequences. We complain about evil, but it is largely our own undoing. So, why shouldn’t God allow it?
So, what is the solution for bitterness. Since each of us is a sinner and most angered by our own sins, not the sins of others, we need for forgiveness, and we need to forgive. So, we turn to our neighbors and ask them to forgive us, and we turn to God and ask Him to forgive our sins. In addition, if our neighbors ask, we forgive them. Otherwise, we pity them, remembering our own sins and the burden they bring upon us until we repent and ask forgiveness.
Anger is not wrong, but it isn’t something we want to keep and nurture.
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