, , , , , ,

I do, I like reformed theology very much. However, I do not like the reformed one single bit! A bunch of arrogant, rude, cage stage, minions of pomposity, with egos five stories higher then their IQ.

Too harsh? Okay, let me try again. Exceedingly arrogant, inhospitable cretins who compulsively drool. I would rather die alone in the wilderness without coffee, then to spend five minutes in their company. Blech.

Now, since I am not a complete bigot painting the world with a broad brush, you should know that having now personally interacted with several hundred of them, not a feat for the faint of heart I assure you, I have found about 3 who have always spoken kindly to me and been gracious. A rare breed, I’m telling you.

Most are far more interested in pounding their chests and declaring themselves to be right and self righteous too, then they are in sharing the good news or loving their neighbor. In fact, I could link right now to several articles and blog posts declaring how the good news is “not good news for you,” how empathy is a sin, and how loving your neighbor is bad, even slanderous to Mr. Herman Neutics.

Two others are comedians and yes, I am willing to forgive almost anything if you are at least funny. One is a pastor who simply tells the worst dad jokes ever. I am exceedingly grateful for his ability to find some humor in the world. Never mind the poor quality of the jokes, his willingness to understand that humor is the great equalizer, the path to humility, is far more valuable then all his theological wisdom combined.

Too be fair, there are four others in real life on the ground who have refused to interact with me at all, so I can’t very well judge them properly. On the other hand I have now spent some 25 years saying “good morning” and being greeted to nothing but scowls, which is it’s own kind of judgement, I suppose.

We can laugh about such things, but in all seriousness, it took the Lord some 20 years to convince me He wasn’t also looking down on me with that same disinterested scowl.

I am exceedingly good at building the motherlode of all one sided relationships. In fact, I will even invest decades in this game before getting bored and wandering off. I once thought you know what, I bet we could fix the whole reformed thing by simply teaching some hospitality, by showing them why relationship matters, why addressing the needs the heart is important. I suspect even the angels laughed at that silly notion, but it took me several years to finally just throw in the towel and surrender to defeat.

It’s darkly humorous, but many of the reformed like to possess the truth as if they are playing a game of capture the flag. Then they proceed to try to whack people upside the head with assorted Bible verses and creeds. One of their worst excuses for this boorish behavior is, “I’m just speaking the truth in love.” What’s darkly humorous is that I also possess a bit of truth and a bit of love, one none of them really want to hear. Suddenly when it comes to “speaking the truth in love,” they are no longer big fans of the notion. Suddenly they love neither truth nor love!

Go figure. I call it, grace for me, but not for thee.

I’m sorry, but I regret to inform you, there is no branch of Christianity called, “jerks for Jesus.” Well, obviously there is, but there isn’t “supposed to be.” That’s not an actual calling. It is not a spiritual fruit. It is not a gifting. It’s not a denomination. “My way or the highway,” is also not a helpful attitude.

I may well die alone in the wilderness, but I assure you, I shall not only have Jesus but my coffee, too.