I really love that Aretha Franklin song, “Respect,” originally from Otis Redding, but made popular by her.
I really have been pondering the nature of “respect” on account of the fact that there has been so much cultural bullying going on lately. That’s one problem with “respect,” the definitions can be varied and diverse. There is the abusive, domineering, arrogant kind, where you feel entitled to demand respect from everyone around you.
Blech.
Then there is the kind where we try to honor human dignity and respect the individual, as a reflection of how Christ sees them. Needless to say, that’s the good kind of respect. It’s rooted in love, Christ’s love.
I’ve toyed with the idea that respect is earned, but that’s never really sat with me right. It is earned, the point being I think it was already earned, bought and paid for on the cross. Because it was already earned, we don’t have to earn it ourselves, but that also means, we also don’t owe it to anyone else. It’s a free gift. No one can or should be forced to give you a gift.
So respecting other people is a free gift we can offer……or not.
This is why things like, “respect the science” are manipulative and controlling. Science is an inanimate object, a thing. It doesn’t even require respect in that manner. Control freaks, authoritarians, and bullies demand respect. Gravity could care less how you relate to it. You might suffer, but it has no feelings to hurt, no ego to offend.
I really appreciate how the Bible says honor your mother and father, rather than respect them. It may seem a bit fussy, but the difference is huge. Honor is a reflection within us, so you honor your parents by thriving, by doing good, by healing, by being successful. Respect is much smaller, it doesn’t go out into the world as far and it doesn’t live within you.
Now have a laugh with me, I’ve been thoroughly challenged on this issue and doing my darndest, but sheesh, people need to cooperate just a wee bit. Not long ago a gal saluted me with one finger and exposed her rear end, and I’m like, we have not evolved at all because not even monkeys are this stoopid. Sadly, a big part of this bizarre, anti social behavior is drug related.
Later this transadvocate or something, this very aggressive, cartoonish man, was trying to force people at the bus stop to touch his breasts and acknowledge that they where real. I live in this somewhat organized world, at least in my own head, so my first thought was sheesh, toxic masculinity strikes again. It struck me as a bit funny, because this was so not female behavior. You can kick and scream about it, but the more sexualized and domineering you act, the more male you appear. Transadvocates never seem to wear three coats and sit in the back of the bus with their nose quietly buried in a book. Also amusing, nobody even cares. I live in the 9th circuit of hell, in clown world, for goodness sakes. We are not shocked, offended, or even interested.
Just the same, I did not have that one on my futurama bingo card. 2022, the year some man tries to sexually harass women with his own breasts.
Nobody cares. That’s a harsh truth, but seriously, rebellion is so normal and ordinary these days, it’s downright boring. If you really want to get my attention, act “normal.” I don’t even know what “normal” is, but when you aren’t just exceedingly weird and blatantly hostile, it actually catches my attention these days.
Both of these people were demanding attention, validation, respect, connection, relationship, control. It’s kind of sad if you think about it. Just how separated, disconnected, and broken do you have to be to seek out random strangers for attention? The wrong kind of attention.
To make matters worse, Speaker Pelosi went and hijacked my term “Divine spark,” and now I feel as if it has been tainted, made dirty. Also, she perverted it out of context. Just the same, it’s a good concept. People are made in the image of God and somewhere within all our yuck there is a Divine spark. At least in Him we have our breath and being, if nothing else, so where there is life, there is His breath.
It’s challenging some days, I’m telling you.
The thing with “sparks” is that something must feed the spark.. get it to spark in the first place. Also, a spark is a transient event… a momentary flash as a result of “something’ reaching the need to arc from one point to another. A flame is continuous… a spark is not.
Some years ago I was fulfilling my job responsibilities of attending a weekly marketing strategy meeting with past CEO/founder of office supply mail order giant Quill Corp… since sold off to Staples. The social work trend at the time was was recognizing the reality of “workplace burn out”. At one meeting Jack turned to the assembled group lamenting the workplace burn out concept… “Doesn’t “burnout” suggest that one had to have been lit first?” Point taken at the time.
As for sparks… or “sparks”… one might draw the line that to spark.. cause the arc… one of the two points must be in an overcharged condition.. or, “overrated” condition.
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Doug, that’s a great tale and a good point.
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I like the way you treat the subject of respect with respect. I recently commented that I could not sum up the idea of respect in a comment and I was right.
We can learn something about respect from observing how Luca Brasi treats Don Corleone, with courtesy and deference and appreciation and gratitude.
https://prnt.sc/7pdZ1Q_EPwxx
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Ahh, now see, those manners are from the old country and indeed, they do have great value.
Something else I like from the old country, sometimes married people would treat each other like an honored guest, like they are each offering hospitality to very important people. There’s an old saying, “familiarity breeds contempt.” It’s not the familiarity that causes contempt, it’s forgetting courtesy, appreciation, and gratitude. In the modern world we tend to run about cleaning when company is coming over. Our best face is often reserved for strangers and visitors, not for the ones we love the most. It’s kind of backwards.
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As I said yesterday ( at least I think it was yesterday. My days are confused by lack of sleep) even Jesus did not hand out respect to everyone. Love yes, I believe He did, but not respect. He whipped the money changers twice, and called the Pharisees a brood of vipers more than once. Both was because they were disrespecting His Father’s house and His Father.
I can love a person and respect them as a fellow human being, but I am not obligated to respect them in all areas. I will not respect a child abusers, child molester, abortionist, etc I was abused as a child and I did not grow up and do the same to my kids or worse it is a choice and person makes it whether they will admit it or not and I didn’t like it so I didn’t do it. I was raised by a child molester and I did not grow up molesting children again it is a choice. People that take an oath to do no harm and rip babies from the womb deserve no respect. Men who abuse women deserve no respect either. I will not respect the man that mentally abused me to the point I nearly killed myself, or the one that beat me on a near daily basis.
My respect is earned by how you treat me and those I love and fellow human beings in and out of the womb. I can pray for them, but respect them no. I will not respect those trying to make me accept their labels for me, make me ashamed I was born a real female and am a real woman, or by calling me a birthing person, or chest feeder. Yet they expect me to call them by their pronouns Oh Honey no it is not going to happen.
I believe I told you the story of the 5 gay guys that saved me from a lot of my mothers abuse and kept me safe by providing a safe place for me to stay. Although I never agreed with their lifestyle they loved me, they respected for me and the way I treated them and I did the same with them. They also never tried to get me to be gay or convince I was a boy. I met these guys when I was 13 years old and started staying at Tony’s house that same year when my mother would beat me. Tony was an RN at one of our hospitals and lived up to the do no harm more than any abortionist ever did. My point here is I earned their respect and they earned mine I demanded nothing from them and they demanded nothing from and I mean things like respect or agreement with their lifestyle. We all loved each other despite our differences and that brought about respect.
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All true! I like how Jesus said to love your neighbor. He does not tell us you “have to” love everyone. In fact, He doesn’t even speak in terms of “have to,” like it’s a mandate or an obligation.
Jesus and Peter are very close and yet even in that relationship Jesus says, “get behind me satan.” Peter is awesome, but even as a good friend not everything about him must be respected or admired.
In the modern world we’ve gone and made “respect” into unconditional admiration or approval, but it wasn’t always so, respect didn’t have virtues attached to it. You could respect a shark by giving it lots of room and staying away.
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Ah poor Peter I think he perfectly showed that we do not always listen even when we try to be a good friend. I think Jesus knew that deep down inside Peter was afraid he was losing his friend he loved dearly. I think he also showed the doubt we have all felt at times.
The fact that He never said I had to respect or even as you said love everyone tells me there are those that do not deserve either and it’s okay to not give either.
In the modern world many things like love and respect have been twisted to mean things they never have meant until now. I like what you said about the shark I have an insane kitten (who will be a cat next month) who have a total lack of respect for me I love her, but she gets no respect from me. Our other two cats get respect because they give me respect and don’t bite and scratch me like she does.
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Respect is based on admiration or recognition of a persons status , not based on tolerance and diversity. Respect is not love. I sometimes love people but don’t respect them at the moment because of their choices or attitude. God tells us to love Him and love people. He says to fear Him, but not to fear people. I think fearing God is about respecting His authority and holiness. Loving Him comes from knowing Him better. What do you think?
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Did Luca Brasi “fear” Don Vito? Or was it a matter of having a deep respect for Don Vito’s courage and strength of character?
We respect God because He is God, but does a person have to be God or equal with God for us to have sincere respect for them?
I think that showing respect is a separate issue from other factors like loving a person or admiring a person or fearing a person. Showing respect is more a matter of acting with courtesy towards them, not necessarily in abject deference, but in acknowledgement of their status as a fellow human being.
If you treat someone with “disrespect” without reasonable cause to do so you should not be surprised to find your self with a broken nose and missing teeth.
https://prnt.sc/7pdZ1Q_EPwxx
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The thing is who decides reasonable cause for disrespect, because if you break my nose or knock out my teeth you are going to jail and I still won’t respect you and the lack of respect will then turn to contempt so you still do not get what you desire. Respect cannot and should not be forced. Just like people like Hitler tried to force people to believe as he did, but all he did was beat them into acting like they did while holding hatred and contempt for him in their hearts. God does not force us to do any of those things towards Him. He gentle and loving giving us our free will to come to Him and when we do He takes care of us that is the difference with Him. He isn’t in the streets screaming like a maniac demanding everyone call Him by pronouns and respect Him.
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“Respect cannot and should not be forced.”
The idea is not that paying back your unwarranted disrespect with a knuckle sandwich is intended to encourage respect. The point is there can and often will be consequences for disrespect. If you run around treating people with disrespect, which actually in truth is what the perverts who demand that you “respect” their pronouns are doing, then don’t be shocked when you need to make a dentist appointment.
Don Vito asked Bonasera the undertaker what he had done to earn his disrespect, and in the process taught him how to show proper respect to someone that he wanted to be his friend.
I’m thinking that self-respect is the best place to start understanding how to properly and appropriately respect other. Self-respect will guide you to seeing how to show others the principles of respect.
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There are also consequences for assault and battery that could be a jail or prison sentence so I am not scared of any human I was beat on most of my life and I doubt they could hit any harder than my mother, step-dad, or ex-husband. Abuse never brings about respect I can tell you I held little but contempt for that beat me for years.
I don’t disrespect people right out of the gate, but make no mistake no one on this earth demands I do anything. I don’t give a rats spotted bottom who they are or what they want. I do not go around demanding people respect me either they do or don’t it doesn’t much matter to me one way or the other. So yes while they make me go to the dentist their fate will be much worse and I will see to it that I promise. People need to get over themselves and realize you cannot make anyone respect you even with violence and that is a fact like it or not.
I have enough self respect to not be bullied into something I do not want to do.
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“I don’t disrespect people right out of the gate, ”
That’s my point, a person who wants respect needs to show respect. What I’m saying I do not accept is the idea that “respect” is earned in the same way that money or wages are earned.
If I agree to pay you for something and you fulfill your end of the bargain then I owe you what I promised. The word “respect” is referring to something else.
If you run around acting disrespectful then whilst I may not agree with punching your face, I will certainly not be surprised and I will not have much sympathy, because of the law of “what goes around comes around.”
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First of all I don’t care if you would have sympathy for me or not, and second for someone going on to me for days about respect you sure are not respecting the fact that my opinion differs from yours. I am done with the conversation it is going absolutely nowhere. Have a good day.
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Yep, I tend to agree, “fearing God is about respecting His authority and holiness. Loving Him comes from knowing Him better.” The more we get to know Him, the more we love Him. You just can’t help it. 🙂
A bit funny, but back in the olden days, “fearsome” was often a great compliment. It was a cross between handsome and awe inspiring. A fearsome hunter was top of the line, the best around. I once read about a group of women who were fearsome cheese makers, which made me laugh. In literature we started to change that translation to “awesome,” which is also a good word but really over used by my generation. Awesome is about awe and wonder. No one was really quaking in fear or riddled with anxiety over good cheese making or having plenty of meat for the winter. “Fearsome” was often a good thing. Fear of God is also a good thing, and really helps one to put all their other fears to rest.
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Perhaps in the olden days “fear” was not something that was assumed to paralyze a person, but was instead a word used to merely indicate that more than the usual courage needed to be summoned to deal with whatever it was that was inspiring the fear. The idea used to be that bravery was not a lack of fear, but the overcoming of the rational fear with what might be not quite as rational courage.
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Amen, yes! We used to have a better understanding of quiet courage and strength. Today we often falsely equate power with abuse, with bullies. Courage is not an absence of fear, it is a response to fear. The current meme, “you’re so brave” is often really dumb, because it tries to imply one can be courageous in the absence of any genuine threat, or worse yet, it implies there is something courageous about bullying and silencing others.
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You reminded me of a great post by Dr. Naomi Wolf, whom I not only respect but admire greatly. This post is somewhat more familiar in tone than her usual output, but I loved it.
https://naomiwolf.substack.com/p/im-not-braveyoure-just-a-p-y?s=w
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Thank you for that link! I like her too, but I had not read that one. Yep, she really nailed it.
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I think you hit the nail pretty close to the head. I outlined those that will not ever unless they make some really drastic changes in their lives will get even an ounce of my respect. I believe that their are people on this earth that are just plain evil and I do not respect evil. Pedos are that sort in my book science has proven they cannot be rehabilitated given half a chance they will re-offend and that is not sickness it is evil. I have no admiration for people like that and give them no recognition.
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I think you hit upon something important. As Christians, we have been commanded to love our neighbor. How does that relate to respecting our neighbor? I think the answer is remembering two things: (1) there are different types of respect, and (2) there different things about a person we can respect.
Because God has commanded us love our neighbor, we respect our neighbor’s person and rights. We also respect our neighbor’s feelings, but we don’t have to respect our neighbor’s competence, skills, character, and so forth until they have proven themselves.
There is, of course, a limit to everything.
The Bible is not a suicide pact. We fear people who behave badly the same way we fear rabid dogs and feral pigs.
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Good points, Tom. I like what you said about there being different kinds of respect. For the most part, we can usually find at least something within people to respect. Even with criminals we still recognize and preserve their human rights, honor the notion of innocent until proven guilty, ensure they have a fair trial, or at least those are some of the ideals we try to hold.
Matthew 7:6 really applies. So does just shaking the dust off your feet.
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One the things that is striking about Matthew 7:6 is that it follows on the heels of these verses.
We should show respect to others graciously, generously, and even mercifully, but as Matthew 5:7 makes clear, some people behave like dogs and pigs. Therefore, we respect them as such.
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Yep, good points, Tom. We once talked about “respect” being related to the word “expect.” Did Jesus respect Judas? Well yes, probably because He expected him to be Judas. He respected him for who he really was beneath the surface.
When we manage our own expectations, we can respect people as they really are. We should probably respect some con men and not hand them our credit cards.
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True.
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Tom you make a very valid point and one I can agree with. We do not have to respect our neighbor’s competence, skills, character, and so forth until they have proven themselves and that is just another way of saying they have or have not earned your respect. Respecting a persons feelings and their rights is different and should be afforded all humans this kind as you said is given not earned. Thank you for clarifying that.
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Reblogged this on clydeherrin.
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Thank you, Clyde. 🙂
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Since this post is about “respect,” I’d like to ask if disagreeing with someone is disrespecting their right to disagree? I admit I get that a lot, because I disagree with pretty much everybody at some point, and some of those people with whom I disagree can’t seem to handle it.
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I will say in your conversation with me it was not that I cannot handle I got to the point of why continue? I feel very strongly that you were not respecting the fact my opinion was different than yours. You do not understand I feel that people have a right to differing opinion than yours. Me and IB do not always agree, but we get on great…why? Because we respect that both of us have a right to our own opinions on things. What a boring world this would be if everyone had the same opinion and agreed on every little thing. There were points in our conversation that I felt like you were borderline bullying me bringing the prospect of violence into it. If that were to happen they would go to prison I am disabled and beating up a disabled person is a felony in pretty much every state. I feel you need to respect others have a right to have their own opinion even if it differs from yours.
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On the internet I know nothing about anyone being disabled.
As for the prospect of violence, anyone who has street knowledge knows that the quickest way to experience violence is to throw disrespect in people’s face. Which is all I was trying to say, and I fail to see how anyone could possibly disagree with that as a plain fact of life.
And I think accepting this plain fact is helpful to understanding what respect is really about, beyond our armchair theorizings.
In the immortal words of Mike Tyson, everybody’s got a plan ’til they get punched in the face.
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I grew up in a rough neighborhood one with gangs and back in the 70s you had to earn people’s respect it was never just given not even many times on a human level. Back then though if you hit someone in a wheelchair and you would get a beating you would never forget and it didn’t much matter what that person said or didn’t say to you. I can still stand and walk some, but often when I am in public I am in a wheelchair. Over words and a supposed lack of respect there is no excuse for violence. As I said earlier people need to grow thicker skin and understand no one owes them anything. As a Christian I will give basic respect to all I meet until they give me reason not to and if I remove that respect and they become violent I will push to have them punished to the limit of the law.
I do realize you had no way of knowing I am disabled, but it doesn’t really matter no one has the right to be violent over words or the lack of respect. In the state I live in that kind of attitude can get you shot. Which it is a persons right to defend themselves and can you tell me that punching someone over a lack of respect is worth being shot over? I would certainly hope not. If a person doesn’t respect you so what, move on. Is it going to matter in 20 years some random stranger didn’t respect you? If it does then I am afraid they have the problem not me to care so much what someone they don’t even know thinks of them.
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“If a person doesn’t respect you so what, move on.”
I see now that there’s 2 different and divergent things going on here. It’s like “forgiveness.” Jesus commanded forgiveness so that we would forgive, not so that we could go around demanding forgiveness from others.
Similar with “respect.” In terms of courtesy and such like it’s an important Christian duty to show “respect” for all people, small and great, rich and poor, male and female, even towards Barbarians and Scythians, as it were. But it’s not appropriate for a Christian to run around demanding “respect” from others, that would be perverse and froward.
Does that help explain where I’m coming from on this? And clarify whatever it is we might be agreeing or disagreeing about?
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Jesus did not command we forgive what He said was if we do not forgive His Father would not forgive us. He also never commanded we respect anyone. God is a gentleman and gives us free will.
Respect and forgiveness are two different things. Do you really believe Jesus was respecting the views of the money changers the two times He used a whip to drive them from the temple court? Do you think He was respecting the Pharisees each time He called them a brood of vipers? He called them a brood of vipers because of their beliefs and no He did not respect them at all.
As I said I respect people on a human level, but beyond that it depends on other factors if they get more than that or not. You may not like that, but that is how I am and if you don’t like it doesn’t matter to me if you do or don’t. I don’t base my life on what others think of me.
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“Jesus did not command we forgive what He said was if we do not forgive His Father would not forgive us. He also never commanded we respect anyone. God is a gentleman and gives us free will.”
The commandment aspect would be inferred if the consequence for ignoring the statement is eternal damnation. Just because Jesus did not seem to use the Imperative mood for the verb doesn’t mean He wasn’t being deadly serious about it.
I think the reason I’m being so strident and argumentative about this subject is because I’m detecting an attitude of insolence. All I’m trying to say, which I admit I’ve had a hard time expressing, is that a basic sort of thing that could be called “respect” is necessary to get along with others in this fallen world, and if we don’t take the requirement seriously we should not complain when we don’t get along.
In my case I’m naturally strident and argumentative but I try really really hard to be respectful about it.
Romans 12:18 says :
18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
Is that a commandment? I don’t think a real Christian cares whether it’s a commandment or just a suggestion. A real Christian will take it seriously and will use their brain to realize that a lot of the peacefulness we want in life is within our own control, and that being humble and respectful and forgiving and all that stuff is part of our mandate.
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Maybe because you insist that your way is right. Believe me if I was being insolent you would not have a doubt I was being that way. I do not sugar coat what I say. I am done talking to you. Quite honestly you remind me of my mother and that is not a compliment by any stretch of the imagination she liked to brow beat people too.
I am asking you not talk to me anymore not for any reason whatsoever. If you do you will be ignored. You have irritated me far to much and I am done with you. I don’t know you other than what you have said to me here and I don’t care to know anymore about you than that it is enough to know you always have to have your own way and I don’t deal with people like that.
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Hmn … But then, “respect” can be such a Humpty Dumpty sort of word too, can it not? When a girl told me that she really respected me, I knew that I was dead.
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” I do not sugar coat what I say’ ”
And yet there are so many people who insist on a thick coat of sugar on everything they hear.
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