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Don’t ever let your own world be defined by men, and certainly not by the weight of their opinions. Don’t let women’s perceptions define you, either.

I am grieved by this Dear Darla series, I am saddened by the fact that some girls will buy the messages being sold, and will die trying to live up to them, die trying to fulfill the emotional needs of a fictional idiot. What an epic tragedy, what a theft of all that is innocent and beautiful about young women.

One of my favorite sayings is, “you aren’t the donkey whisperer.” It means those of us with good souls can have a tendency to waste far too much time trying to understand and empathize with emotionally immature, spiritually dead jackasses. You so ain’t the donkey whisperer.

Real men take responsibility for their own baggage, and sometimes they’ll even help you to carry your own. No donkey whispering needed, no long list of red pill ideologies you must obey and no intricate Venn diagrams describing the sexual market place. No hypervigilance required. No constantly walking on eggshells and chronically soothing the easily wounded male ego.

Love is easy, love is light! Read the Bible, “for my yoke is easy, my burden is light.” If it feels heavy, it’s not love. Set that load down!

My husband, bless his heart, adds a really nice complementarian balance to my perpetual patience and grace. It’s been a bit of a comical marital journey because I have an abundance of compassion and wisdom whereas my husband is less interested in such things. His advice to those he loves in nearly any given situation is, “you should just punch them in the head.”

He has a valid point.

Needless to say, I’m a peaceful sort and non violent so “punching someone in the head” can have a more metaphorical context, as in, just say “nope,” dump the extra baggage, and be assured there are many, many, many way better monkeys on the monkey tree. Just thank the Lord for His housecleaning, for the potential upgrade, and say, Next!

That goes for pastors and politicians, as well as for boyfriends. You have the same access to the Holy Spirit that any of us do. Talk to God about it, go right to the Highest Expert, and never let fools rule over you.

I know I probably bore my readers carrying on about Pastor Wilson, but here’s the deal, girls are so worth it, women have such value and purpose, we are precious to the kingdom, and messages like this tend to separate us from ourselves and even from Jesus Christ Himself. Somebody needs to stand up, somebody needs to say “no.” It really matters. Girls today probably have even less awareness of their self worth, their innate value, than women of my generation did. It just breaks my heart.

Wilson goes on to try to instill more fear, Darla, you’re in your early 20s now, so men no longer find you attractive, you’re not getting any attention, and obviously you’re going to die alone, fat and ugly. He doesn’t use those exact words but he implies it and he actually does say, “If you are forty and unmarried, is that situation to be preferred to being the wife of Bill? It is not just Bill v. John. It is also Bill v. ten years from now having yet another a glass of wine on your deck in the evening by yourself.”

Duh! Yes, being alone on your deck having a glass of wine is to be much preferred over “being the wife of Bill.” Sheesh! What a buffoon.

And poor Bill. Can you even imagine?? “I settled for Bill after weighing and measuring some other options, like potential death, dismemberment, or being alone?” Sheesh. I pray no one ever treats my son that way.

Darla, those of us in Christ are never alone. It does not matter if you are married, widowed, or single, or just alone on your deck with a bottle of wine and a dozen cats, Jesus loves you, Jesus will fulfill ALL your needs, for ALL of your life. In truth there is no greater loneliness than being surrounded by people who don’t understand you, and no more painful of a loneliness than being married to someone who has emotionally abandoned you. Worse yet, when you’ve emotionally abandoned yourself.

A bit funny, I’m rather happily married but some of the most beautiful times, the most joyous thing in my life today, are actually those stolen moments alone on my deck with no one but Jesus and a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. No offense to anyone at all, it is just that alone time is not necessarily “loneliness,” it can be the delicious blessing of solitude.

Don’t ever sacrifice the essence of who you are due to someone else’s scary tales about the alleged horror of being, “40 and alone on your deck.” I kid you not, nearly every woman over 20 that I’ve ever met, actually desires time alone. This is true of wives, moms, widows, and single women. I have never in my entire life heard a woman say, “I so wish I had just thrown away my self respect, lowered my standards, rendered myself invisible, and married Bill so I wouldn’t have to sit here alone.” Nope, not one single woman has ever told me, If only I had chained myself to that emotionally stunted, arrogant narcissist with an ego five stories higher than his IQ, so I wouldn’t have to sit here alone on my deck drinking wine.

Sheesh. What a buffoon.

Or as my husband would say, just punch them fools in the head and evict them from your world. You won’t regret it.