Hungry Eyes, Eric Carmen, featured in the Dirty Dancing movie with Patrick Swayze. Love the song, the music, and the movie, too. Here’s the deal however, somebody smart once taught me, “if your eyes lock across a crowded room, run like hell.” That’s not “magic” you’re feeling, it’s a trauma bond.
There’s a very fine line between feeling the butterflies of love versus feeling red flags flapping in the wind. If you come from dysfunction, red flags are a warning, not a carnival.
We need to stop telling trauma victims to “trust your instincts” or “follow your feelings.” Absolutely stay away from things like “magical,” “the missing puzzle piece,” “soul mates,” and “he completes me.”
Seriously, feelings, instincts, and intuition are beautiful gifts, but if you’ve been traumatized or even just “culturized,” your survival required you to blunt and distort those tools. They need to be straightened out and sharpened before you can even begin to rely on them.
Hence the, “run like hell.” You are completely unarmed.
I’m going to speak to young girls because this is about attraction, but the same truth applies to those who get involved with cults or abusive work situations or any other co-dependent, narcissistic, controlling situation. When you have an unfulfilled hunger within, you are vulnerable, you are easy to prey on. You have no armor.
One of my favorite Proverbs is 25:28, “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.”
A lot of us did not get our needs met growing up or by the culture around us, so we are hungry, famished actually. If you did not get your needs met and you are not self aware about it, you do not yet rule over your own spirit.
Then we go and come at some weak, pathetic guy as if he is the solution to all our emptiness. And by “weak and pathetic,” I simply mean immature and woefully unprepared to deal with a hot mess. Baggy pants with the tattoos over there is hardly even capable of taking care of his own self let alone anyone else.
No shaming intended here at all, girls are so powerful and we take up a lot of space, as we were designed to do. Something I hate about the modern world, we’ve been brainwashed into believing we are small, oppressed, and a potential victim at every turn. One of the consequences of that mindset is that girls often don’t realize how incredibly powerful we really are.
We don’t know our own power, including our power to wound and destroy.
We can be like a whirlwind of emotional energy, a swirling mass of unmet needs and complete chaos. Interacting with us, makes me tired sometimes, and I mean no disrespect, but a young guy is even less prepared for that energy. He is more like someone with a learning disability and you are constantly enraged and abusive because he just can’t seem to read very well.
That is immoral.
Something that is VERY different from “my day” and modern times is that we often all knew these truths. Philippians 4:19 says, “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” ALL. All your need. ALL of them. That means, ain’t no man going to make you happy. Ain’t no man going to heal your childhood trauma. Ain’t no man going to heal your cultural wounds. Ain’t no man going to live up to your expectations, to the fantasy ideal you learned about on instagram.
No man but Jesus, that is. Jesus will heal you, Jesus will fix what is broken, and Jesus will supply ALL your needs. He will bind up your wounds, calm your fears, bring order to your chaos, and teach you that men are simply the cherry on top of your ice cream Sunday. They are not the foundation.
When we have hungry eyes, we tend to devour what is before us, we rip it to shreds. I’m thinking of Amber Heard and Johnny Depp here, which was much like turning on a blender full of toxicity without the lid on. Addiction, dysfunction, childhood trauma, mental illness, you name it, it all went splattering all over the walls. I did not watch very much of it, just a few memes here and there, but I do know that it was an epic and sadly familiar train wreck.
Amber clearly set about to destroy and devour, to rip him to shreds, for the crime of being unable to meet her needs. Depp, like baggy pants above, has his own trauma, his own issues, and can hardly take care of himself, let alone her craziness. There are no innocent victims here, no good guy/bad guy, just some entangled toxicity that jumped in a blender and turned itself on.
The thing is, Amber did what I see so many women today doing, expect some wounded man to meet their emotional and spiritual needs, to heal their trauma, to live up to their expectations, to erase the past, almost as if he were an accessory or a prop in her tale, in her narrative. Sometimes he is simply there to suffer for the sins of her fathers, for her unhealed life experiences.
Never, ever put a man or a boy or a husband or even a pastor in that position. Don’t do it to your girlfriend or wife or mother either. I call this the “goddess syndrome,” because we tend to put people on an emotional pedestal and then tear them to shreds when we think they have let us down or abandoned us.
“Goddess” because a man once told me his girlfriend wasn’t like other women, she was a goddess. A few months later he quite predictably tried to kill her. You don’t ever want to be anyone’s goddess, trust me. Love hangs on loosely. I see so many young women just shredding guys, just pouring out the contempt and resentment. I mean, I wouldn’t treat a dog like that. It’s manipulative, spiteful, demanding, disrespectful.
The Bible says, “love keeps no record of wrongs” That’s because it has no demands, no unmet needs, no unrealistic expectations, no unhealed wounds. It can’t be wronged and angered because it has learned how to rule over it’s own spirit.
It’s own spirit, not some else’s.