Recently I listened to Jordan Peterson making a “Beauty and the Beast” analogy to describe the challenges women face in paring up, in getting married. Allegedly you need a find a beast to provide protection, to enable you to have children. The problem being you also need a be able to tame your beast, or else you just have a beast which is not a good thing at all.
I enjoy JP’s analogies, but sometimes they are are just so narrow minded and male dominated, I’m not sure he even realizes another world might exist beyond his own imaginings.
Like dude, go tame your own beast, I’m not your designated co-dependent. We all have a Savior, avail yourself of Him and leave me be.
Which all brings me to Darla’s dilemma. “Darla” is Doug Wilson’s latest invention, similar idea, his attempt to inform future generations about the birds and the bees, as you can see here in his post called, “Laws of Attraction.” It’s a bit amusing on account of the fact that his series was actually once called “Dear Dawson,” and it was about advice for men.
The problem being, Dawson is apparently just plain hopeless, and constantly telling Dawson what is wrong with women, is no longer useful. Dear Dawson, this is how you improve yourself and grow in Christ, you just need to, make sure women are submissive, quiet, intelligent but not too intelligent, modest and yet sexy and desirable, Biblical, obedient, reverent, respectful, hospitable, but not too hospitable, thin but not too thin….….you get the general idea. “Make women.“
Improving “Dawson” has now fallen by the wayside, and we have decided to just speak right to the root of the problem which is obviously, “Darla.” See, it’s always all about what the women must do, what is wrong with the women, how women must fix themselves, how the women must then proceed to fix the men, all while pouring endless admiration and respect all over guys in general. Also, please have the babies, take out the trash, save the environment, and fix our politics. And these days, one must not only fight on the front lines, one must also make sure the men’s room is fully supplied with feminine hygiene products, while smiling graciously over your 2nd place ribbon and celebrating the success of transwomen.
“Darla’s dilemma” is that she is just bloody emotionally exhausted! All this self conscious dancing on the edge of a pin, trying to be valuable enough and yet not too valuable least you erode some fragile male ego or trigger some female envy, is just not worth all the bother.
Seriously, get a puppy, grow a plant, buy a box of wine, run off into the woods and feast on bugs and honey. Truly, life is just too short for all this rubbish.
See, it isn’t even about physical attraction, it is about forcing women to carry ALL of the moral weight, ALL of the sexual responsibility, ALL of the reproductive responsibility, ALL of the cultural weight, ALL of the emotional weight, ALL of the psychological weight, and to endure the vast majority of the fallout from it all, too.
Such set ups tend to make one go, wait, so what exactly are men even for?? Why in the world would I even want one? Do they serve some useful purpose in my life besides just handing me endless spiritual burdens I must pack around and carry for them?
I don’t wish to pick on men, picking on men is not really my goal. I want to pick on set ups, systems, deceptions. I want to pick on religious and cultural narratives that have sabotaged relationships and destroyed the potential of women, and by proxy, the potential of men, too.
I suppose I should cut JP and Wilson some slack because they are directing their alleged “wisdom” towards young, unmarried women, not grandmas who have now been married since forever and are full of wisdom of their own. On the other hand that really is the nature of the problem, isn’t it?! Having grown up conversations with grown up women is so not their forte, not the secret desire of their heart. In fact, I imagine them hacking quite uncomfortably, hoping to avoid doing exactly that.
What they are selling requires a certain kind of naivete, a sheltered, cloistered hapless beauty, one who has no idea she has signed up to tame a beast, a beast who of course must be her spiritual leader in the home, a beast she must respect at all times, surrender all to, all while constantly puffing up his ego, walking on eggshells, and maintaining not just her own sexual attraction, but his also.
So how does any of this benefit Darla??? Beats me. I haven’t got the slightest clue.
There are two things that jump out at me, we live in a very materialistic world. Like literally relationships have been commodified. Christians, for all our high minded talk, are still heavily influenced by the myths and legends promoted by evolutionary psychology. Red pill rubbish, hypergamy, all these notions Wilson and JP seem to subscribe to, are really all based on evolutionary theory, survival of the fittest, science, materialism. When one asks, “is he out of your league,” one is indicating a belief in a socio-sexual hierarchy, one we apparently evolved into or perhaps “out of.” One really never knows whether we are coming or going when it comes to all this alleged human “evolving.”
Regardless, I should not have to waste one more breath trying to explain why a term like the “sexual marketplace” is built exclusively on a foundation of materialism. “Hypergamy” is actually a political science term that originated in India and suggested that women tend to marry up so as to escape the caste system. Ya don’t say. Well then, it couldn’t possibly be a response to a broken political system, it must surely be evolutionary.…..
It’s so ironic to me, there are a bunch of attacks on the church going on right now, attacks on the alleged “patriarchy of religion” and having now thoroughly stalked out several subjects, I have come to the shocking conclusion that what is being sold today as “religious patriarchy” is simply our old friend, Darwinianism! You don’t really hate religious people, you hate the sheer materialism of “might makes right,” the complete rubbish of “survival of the fittest,” the whole notion that rather than having freewill and spiritual selves, we are simply dominated by our evolution, the a hapless recipients of our own biology.
Darwinianism masking itself as religion. Women of course, always seem to arrive in the same place, at the bottom of the food chain, submission either being religiously mandated or scientifically proven to be a innate function of our biology. Sheesh. Not to be too solipsistic here, but does it really matter whether a cave man is dragging me around by my hair or some religious man who thinks he is Abraham and wants to be called “Lord?”
I imagine my words just flowing over a grand waterfall before gently sliding into the abyss, and yet for some reason I persist. Darla’s dilemma is that a materialistic, evolutionary world, a cost effective place dominated by might makes right, is not a place where it makes any sense to pair up and have children in the first place. The very nature of love is sacrificial, the nurturing of children requires one to place one’s eyes on things unseen. It is not cost effective. It is not hierarchal. It is not a sexual marketplace. It does not improve your status within the culture. It does not produce wealth. It is not materialistic. It is not even survival oriented!
It is a supernatural leap of faith, one we no longer honor and value on account of the fact that we live in a very materialistic culture, one that places little value on human life.
See, there's this thing called biology... 
“See, it isn’t even about physical attraction, it is about forcing women to carry ALL of the moral weight, ALL of the sexual responsibility, ALL of the reproductive responsibility, ALL of the cultural weight, ALL of the emotional weight, ALL of the psychological weight, and to endure the vast majority of the fallout from it all, too.”
I don’t think so, IB. Men are still expected to pay. Even that teenage boy who was molested by that adult woman has to pay child support to her. WTF is up with that?
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Well, I think your comment demonstrates one of the problems with materialism and evo/psych. I can’t even argue in favor of sexual mores! Unless we perceive that boy as being the least of these and made in the image of God, there is no argument for why she shouldn’t have exploited him. And then the state is just doing their thing too, protecting their own interests so they don’t have to provide for the offspring. In order to see any injustice in here, you first have to have some kind of standard for what is “just.” Evo/psych, red pill theories, and “science,” just don’t provide that. Instead we just devolve into a world of predators and prey.
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Douglas Wilson does fancy himself an advice giver all right. At least JP is slightly more philosophical about it all.
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Yes, indeed! A bit funny, I recently went to a lecture on big horn sheep and it turns out that the iconic head butt between males we all like to admire is actually one of their least effective mating strategies. The females actually much prefer the fancy footwork, the dancing. It is the surefootedness, the artful prancing about, the tending that really interests them. I think a female of just about any species could have helped to clarify that truth, if only someone had bothered to ask. 🙂
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I agree with what jsolbakken said and would like to add to it. Boys and men do carry a burden too having raised a son (who by the way respects women) his dad told him from the time he could understand what what was being said things like boys don’t cry, boys are tough, and do not have close personal relationships with even their friends. God gave both men and women tears for more than moistening their eyeballs. I did my best to combat those things and I think I did a decent job considering how deep those things can be ingrained. Boys have been trained by other men that were trained by other men to think those things are right and I feel it is the reason men tend to die earlier than women do they are not allowed emotional release unless it is anger. Women have definitely carried a heavy burden, but men have as well.
I have had two beast men in my life the first has apologized to me for his actions the other died last year without ever relenting he tortured me for over 18 years. The first had been abused and having been abused myself as a child I understood his anger I just couldn’t help him. The second was a narcissistic psycho who loved nothing more than mentally torturing me. The man I am currently with is a kind gentle man that would never intentionally hurt me in any way. The thing is he was raised by his mother only and I am not saying that is optimal because God intended children to be raised by a mother and father. What I am saying is he never had all those things imposed on him as a child that many boys do from their fathers.
To be honest men and women today carry so much baggage it is a wonder the human race still even exists and that speaks to the might of God to me. Although the I swear one of the missions of the alphabet peoples agenda is to destroy what is left of the rest of the human race. I tell you if a person calls me a birthing person I will probably have to repent for breaking their nose because I am so done with all of this men can do everything God designed women to do. What angers me even more is how many women are going along with it as if we did not fight tooth and nail to be recognized as valuable. Not only that but if a man ever actually got pregnant and had a baby naturally (as if) they would never do it again because they weren’t built for it. Why they would even want to have a period I have no idea because I was ecstatic when menopause showed up early in my life. I honestly believe that trans men are doing their best to destroy everything that is natural female because they know they can never have it any of it. The thing that angers me is the women that are happily helping them do it.
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I think you are quite right about men dying earlier in part due to not having a culture that supports healthy outlets for their emotions.
The “all of the burden” I was talking about women having to carry has to do with some of the teachings coming from some of these churches. Whether they intend to say it or not, if a man is abusive it is your fault. If a man is sexually attracted to you, it is your fault. Women have been given all of the responsibility and blame, all of the guilt and shame to carry, and yet none of the power. To make matters worse, they teach she now has God standing over her demanding she submit and obey. So God becomes just another psychotic and dominant male who blames her for everything.
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Oh, I agree with you. Once a guy told me if women didn’t want to be raped they shouldn’t wear skimpy clothing now this was right after an 80-some-year-old woman was raped and murdered in her home. Now I do not believe any woman is asking for rape no matter what she is or isn’t wearing. Although walking around less than half dressed is attracting attention to yourself and much of it would be quite unwanted if they knew what was being thought. It is her responsibility to dress in a way so as to not attract that kind of attention and his to control himself regardless. As for the elderly lady, what on earth could she have done to cause that? Nothing there was nothing she could have done that person was a very sick individual.
One thing that always annoyed my daughter was every spring she had to get out all of her skirts, dresses, and shorts and we did the bend-over test. In other words, if she bent over and I saw anything but thigh it went into the donate box and I didn’t care how much she protested. As I told her she was being raised to be a lady and not a woman that shows off her body to anyone that cares to have a look. I made her wear dresses for a full year because when I took her to the park she did not put on shorts under her dress and I looked over and she is on the merry-go-round with her dress over her head and her panties out for everyone to see. It took her a full year to get the point I was not kidding and now at almost 40 she still behaves like a lady.
My point is that so much of this is the responsibility of both men and women and as parents too. I have never understood how some mothers can allow their daughters to leave the house barely dressed and how men can allow their sons to treat girls like trash. Men like Peterson and Wilson to me are just angry little trolls that want to just take any responsibility off of themselves.
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One of other myths spread by both Feminists (by implication) and Red Pills (by direct accusation) is that rape victims ‘ask for it.’ The Feminists say that all men are potential rapists; the Red Pills say that women entice it. But both are based on the false idea that rape is a sexual crime. Rape is actually an expression of deeper mental illnesses that come out in sexual violence.
The Government-Media-Academic Complex will never admit this, but advances in Forensic DNA Technology has been unraveling the ‘all-men-are-rapists’ narrative. More and more unsolved rapes/murders we’re discovering were the handiwork of a few men who preyed upon multiple women. Most rapes don’t even happen to women who are attractive or dressed in an eye-catching way: even when it happens it’s usually a Crime of Opportunity that one of these sickos just took advantage of. Most of the victims are picked for their vulnerability: elderly women, little girls, and sex workers, etc.
A problem that women have today is not so much how they present themselves is that they’ve been indoctrinated with a lot of false ideas about ’empowerment’ and don’t have the Common Sense to take simple measures to protect themselves.
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I agree with you 100% that rape has nothing to do with the sexual act itself is violence and domination. I was a teenager in the 70’s and I grew up in a rough part of town the one thing my mom taught me was to take those cheap rings you get from those 25 cent machines outside of stores and bend all the prongs up taking out the little glass piece and leaving the prongs raised. I made one for every finger because I was often out on the streets late at night either looking for her or running from her. She always told me to aim for the face, eyes, and throat, but thanks be to God I never had to use them.
I absolutely believe it is fewer men than the government or law enforcement are willing to admit to. Yes, little girls, elderly/disabled, and street workers most often because they are the most vulnerable and weak little boys are also victims of rape, but I think those rapists are different in that they do not target females.
I agree and that falls back on the parents not teaching them how to protect themselves even if they have an inkling they are even in danger. As bad as my mom could be she at least taught me things to give me a fighting chance. I absolutely hate the feminist movement and I grew up in the days of burning bras, free love, and all that bunk. Their form of empowerment is helping to get girls and women killed and you know I believe they know it. They live securely in their ivory towers safe and sound while they indoctrinate each new generation and now they claim men are women too, and can no longer describe even what a real woman is. I pray Jesus takes us home soon.
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Red Pills like Peterson and Wilson aren’t the opposite of Male Feminists—more like their analogues. Male Feminists want to cede all masculine responsibility to women and submit to them; Red Pills want to put all the responsibility onto women but pretend that they’re in charge. Both are symptomatic of the weakness of postmodern men.
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You are right, this is just feminism with the genders reversed.
I guess I should pause and blame Disney, too. They took liberties with our fairytales and just perverted everything. The original beast refuses to marry an ugly old hag and so she curses him. In spite of this tragedy, he is not bitter and hostile, not a “beast,” he is exceedingly kind and virtuous. Beauty is also penniless, her father’s ships have all been captured, so she is the great beauty who can never be realized. It is the very epitome of an anti-materialistic tale, one that teaches you are not your circumstances, you are not your appearance, it is the virtues we possess, the inner beauty that matters.
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Next to last paragraph line one. Awesome. It’s lonely in the maelstrom of opposition eh? You say it as easily as breathing- so keep breathing. lol
WP has a shelf life- today’s deaf ears are tomorrow’s causes. It a ‘birthing person?’ Just the other day I heard that has- been Pelosi say ‘women have rights……..’ and I’m thinking hmmm, half these nitwits can’t even say what a woman is- so yeah, the utter stupidity is other worldly.
Line for the day: tell the truth and shame the devil.
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Indeed, if one can’t even define what a woman is anymore, than how can one even speak of women’s rights?! It is as incoherent as “my body, my choice”………except for mandatory masks, injections, and whatever other science experiments we feel entitled to force on you in the name of corporate greed.
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True enough- your Darwin reference is sooo true- but we are not EEEvolving but DEEvolving.
Along those lines, your input is felt in S. Africa. lol- if even in a snarky way- by your ‘support’ where so many others dare not to go. (Glass post etc and comments). So yay!
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LOL! My favorite oxymoron from that one is, “I am not dense!” Like dude, you literally represent yourself with a little stone head.
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Ha. Even in our ignorance we plead for life after death- citing history- why else do we have headstones in cemeteries with names and dates.
I’ve never seen a groundhog with an obituary.
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Let’s face it: lies are from the devil. That includes all the lies of various kinds about gender.
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Your post made me think of young men who have issues that can get so lost and toxic with false machismo; use to minister to a lot of these guys and have to really drive home sacrifical love to them
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Yayy, so grateful for your efforts, Slim! I get along with those kind of guys pretty well, probably because I’m a bit older. Also, sadly they tend to hurt themselves the most of all. My heart really goes out to guys trying to find their way in the world these days. We need a lot more spiritual fathers lighting the path.
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True they hurt themselves the most. The second group then seems younger women. I can see you mentoring to them as an older wiser figure; some of them really do hunger for something of substance; discipleship by believers are so sooo needed
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