El Roi, the God who sees me is found in Genesis 16, in the story of Hagar. It says, “She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”
Long before I even knew who Hagar was, I met the God who sees me, too. I was a pretty melancholy and lonely kid, not unlike Hagar, and I used to talk to God. One day I looked up and someone had carved the initials “icu” in a tree. It was a sign I tell ya, and I still think of it often. God has His own “intensive care unit” for our souls, as in giving us just what we need, at just the right time.
I’ve clung tightly to that “I see you” of long ago and I still believe it to this day. Other people may not get you, but He is a watchful shepherd and He understands our struggles. In Jeremiah the Bible says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
I have great affection for the weeping prophet on account of the fact that he was pretty invisible and no one got him either. I have a bunch of critics and trolls, and some good friends too, who often wonder why I continue to write, why I insist on talking about difficult things, why I don’t just ditch social media entirely and start hanging out, “in the real world.”
Welp, it’s because I’ve seen the “real world” and it’s not all sunshine and rainbows either. In fact, it’s much like social media! I have a way of seeing what is going on right beneath the surface, so the superficial pleasantries of the “real world” just don’t hide what’s going on in people’s hearts. Also, all that hiding what’s in our hearts just exhausts me. I have to walk through a mine field of unspoken truths and dodge unseen unpleasantries that feel as if they could burst forth at any moment. I’ve gotten better over the years, but it still wears me out.
True story, I sometimes prefer to hang out with a rougher crowd because they’ve given up any pretenses, so they tend to be more honest about who they are. It’s darkly humorous, but you really just can’t be a truth teller in polite society. The truth is not always congruent with polite society.
Many of us blame the medium we’re on, the keyboard we’re using, for the way people behave. We like to treat social media like it’s an entity of it’s own, like it is what is responsible for our chronic relationship dysfunction, our spiritual immaturity, our constant division. I’m all for blaming our techie overlords for a myriad of miseries, but I’m older than facebook, older than Google even, so I know we were dysfunctional and immature long, long, before computers.
Heck, long before I was even born.
Look at poor Hagar, she got forced to sleep with an elderly man and bear his child, only to be resented and abused by the mistress who commanded her to do it in the first place. Don’t even get me started about Lot’s daughters…..
I really like the old testament for how it speaks the truth to us. Sometimes I get cranky with modern Christians, “we’re in a new covenant,” so everything is roses now? Than we all proceed to clutch our pearls and faint when people act like they’ve always acted. When we act like we’ve always acted.
Randy Epps said:
Oh, yeah, I remember when I saw the God who sees me. Everything changed that day.
Wendy and I are always drawn to people who are real, who don’t insist on wearing their mask, the ones who see the struggle, yet hang on to the hem of his garment.
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insanitybytes22 said:
Amen, Randy! I love those moments where “everything just changed that day,” and in the best possible way, too! I talked to a woman who had a near death experience and people asked her how she knew it wasn’t just a hallucination. That’s what she said too, “because everything changed.” When we feel as if we’ve become a new creature and the whole world looks different now, that’s a close encounter of the God kind. 🙂
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Julie (aka Cookie) said:
Such needed words my friend — Thank You!!!
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insanitybytes22 said:
Julie, my friend! You have been missed! How lovely to hear from you. 🙂
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Julie (aka Cookie) said:
Thank you Gabrielle— I’ve stayed close to you as I’ve read your postings these many months if my “exile”.— I’ve basically been living in the mountains of NC since the end of January.
I’m am slowly setting into a new life.
My husband and I went through a rough divorce with our son and his wife sided with my husband— it is such a long ugly story— I am not allowed to see the grandkids in part because I will not deed my dads house over to my son— but the ugliness has been so profound, I can’t do that— nor do the lawyers think it in my best interest.
So I bought a house in March up in the mountains of NC— a serene place for much needed healing!
I hope to get back to blogging once some of these boxes and tears dissipate.
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insanitybytes22 said:
Ahh Julie, my heart just breaks that you have been through so much sadness and betrayal! I am so sorry that has happened. It really is a “profound ugliness.” I am pleased to hear you are healing in the mountains of NC. That is the place, I’m telling you! Haven’t been there, but it certainly calls to me. I will continue to surround you in prayer.
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Sara's Musings said:
Jeremiah is one of my favorite OT prophets. And I know what you mean about Lot’s daughters… don’t get me started, either… 😊😊😊
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insanitybytes22 said:
Isn’t Jeremiah amazing? I love that song, “Jeremiah was a bullfrog, was a good friend of mine” because the prophet Jeremiah has been a good friend of mine. 🙂
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Sara's Musings said:
“Jeremiah was a bullfrog” was one of three songs my dad requested be played at his funeral (his funeral was in July 2019). “Amazing Grace” was another one.
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jsneese62 said:
I tell people I knew there was a God long before I ever knew Him. I don’t remember if anyone told me He existed or how I came to know because my family was anything but Christian. I just don’t remember a time I didn’t know He was there and yes I knew He could see me. If not foe Him I would not have survived all the years of physical and mental abuse I endured.
When I was 23 years old my youngest daughter died from SIDs and He saw me as I entered that room that morning and despite my intense pain and my anger at Him for allowing it to happen I fully believe He held on to me even then. My anger was totally misplaced of course, but He loved me anyway He saw me. I never rejected Him I was just angry at Him, but I was young I didn’t know Him well at that point.
He has seen me at my best and my worst and you know I am glad He does. He knows my heart even better than I know it. That verse in Jeremiah is one of my favorites it gives me comfort that He is always there watching me and has been from the very beginning of my being. He has always shown much more patience and love with me than I could ever deserve and I think that is the point. He has always taken the worst of the worst and brought out the very best in them because He sees them and the very best that they can be. Like Moses he lost his temper a lot (not that I blame him at all) and God did punish him when lost his temper and disobeyed Him. Lot’s daughters yeah, there are far to many of those even today. I also felt for Hagar, but her reward later I am sure made it more than worth it. There are so many past and present that we would think weren’t or aren’t worth it for God, but then we have to remember neither are we.
There are times when I stop and think about the fact that God does see me all the time that I truly feel shame for things I have done, said, thought in my lifetime. Then I remember that He has known me from the very beginning and He knew the things I would do, say, and think so while it sometimes is a shock to me what I do, say, or think it is not to Him and I have been forgiven.
As for social media I feel it just brings out people’s true natures because they feel they cannot be reached through their computer/phone screen. At one time that might have been a little more it is not anymore. We leave a digital footprint no matter where we go on the internet. I play video games (It is my son’s fault he made me a gamer and I am still doing it at 60 years old), but what I have found the majority of the troublemakers are between 10 and 21 years old they have the foulest mouths and want to ruin everyone they come in contact with game in any way they can. I have been called some of the worst things by the youngest players and the reason is because their parents use game consoles as babysitters to keep their kids out of their hair. Many end up very surprised when their child is locked out or banned permanently from games for their conduct. Social media has just brought it more to the forefront how rotten we all really are and that includes children because like adults they were born into sin and without guidance and consequences that nature will come out much earlier in life. So the thing that makes people braver is not being face to face with people that otherwise more reserved people will say exactly what they are thinking.
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insanitybytes22 said:
Wow, what an amazing testimony! I love it. God is so good to us and He sticks closer than a brother, through thick and thin and all the sadness, even being patient when we get angry with Him. He understands our deep grief and there are just some things too heavy that we’re not going to fully understand until we meet up with Him.
It’s so incredible to me how many people I’ve talked to who just knew God as a child, long before the world got a hold of us and tried talking us out of our certainty. That kind of “knowing” is hard to explain, but people who grew up in Christian homes probably need to hear from us the most of all! We weren’t taught, we didn’t follow the example of those around us. Faith is not really learned behavior, it’s a response to God who makes Himself known to us.
I like video games too, don’t play as much these days, but I am still a pac man queen and I have conquered all the Zelda games. 🙂
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jsneese62 said:
I have seen bits and pieces of your testimony too IB and yours is amazing too and though we have went through some of the same things we also have some differences. It shows just how versatile God was in creating us with individual circumstances and He perfectly understands each of us. It is a comfort to me that someday I will see my daughter and again.
I think kids that grow up in Christian homes do struggle much more than some of that we were never really introduced to Him formally or at all, but knew He was there. One reason I think it happens in Christian homes that kids struggle is they are not allowed to question anything ( I saw this with friends and cousins when I was a teenager). I have always questioned everything. I agree I do also think those that grew up in Christian homes need to hear from people like us more than anyone else. I agree belief and faith cannot be taught it is either in you or not. That is not to say some people don’t take longer to get there, but there are those like it or not that never will.
I have far to much time on my hands thanks to legs that don’t work properly and an insane kitten trying to kill me so she can destroy my kitchen without interference. I am working on Breath of the Wild now, I play Red Dead Redemption 2 Online, No Man’s Sky, and Animal Crossing. My man loves Final Fantasy and has beat many of them the latest being Final Fantasy XV.
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seekingdivineperspective said:
Well, I certainly feel like a Pollyanna now. I guess my struggles are different from yours, – like just the fundamental struggle to FOCUS – on anything, much less the true and real. But I think God “gets me,” too.
I was upstairs in my “prayer closet” trying to shut out distractions, when I realized I had forgotten to lock the front door. Marty was gone, and crime rates in our city are through the roof. Still, I realized that this thought was about the fourth distraction keeping me from a focused prayer time, So I prayed, “Lord, please help me not to be distracted by things like that.” Hearing a pitter-patter of little feet overhead, I added “- and THAT.” The I realized what was playing tag on the roof overhead – “SQUIRRELS!” and burst out laughing. I think God was letting me know He gets me, AND my ADD.
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insanitybytes22 said:
LOL! Pollyanna is the ideal, so no need to feel bad about that. In fact, I was so delighted with those values, with the lessons written in that story, that I actually named my second daughter after her. So, 3 cheers for Pollyanna!
I love the squirrel tale! Isn’t God funny sometimes? We really are like those cartoon hound dogs who see a squirrel, drop everything, and the chase is on. 🙂
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seekingdivineperspective said:
Well, maybe not ALL of us, but me, for sure! And maybe you? And God seems to be OK with that.
Have you seen the comedian (on Dry Bar Comedy, I think) talking about ADD, and how it’s the one disorder nobody seems to sympathize with. The only help people offer is, “Just FOCUS!” Nobody puts on a “Walk for the Cure” – not that they didn’t try to organize one for themselves, but of course, it never got done … (etc.)
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insanitybytes22 said:
Ha! I do watch dry bar comedy sometimes, but I don’t think I’ve seen that one. I don’t fully understand ADD because I tend to be on the other end of the spectrum. I like to focus on one thing for hours and have to be dragged off, often kicking and screaming. Also, I sometimes wonder if our world isn’t partly responsible for it with all the distractions and competition for our attention? We aren’t really allowed to just be still and focus on one thing at a time, even if we want to! Multi tasking is all the rage, too. I often tell people, I don’t multi task. Regardless, God’s got us and He is good to send squirrels and make us laugh at ourselves. 🙂
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seekingdivineperspective said:
Oh, I multitask all the time. It’s easier than trying to decide which things are most important – I just try to do it all.
I also hyperfocus. That’s actually a facet of ADD. When there’s one thing we are extremely interested in, we focus TOO much. When I’m writing I can be hyper-focused and neglect to eat or use the bathroom. I finally HAVE to stop because I’m starving or otherwise desperate. But it annoys me to have to interrupt what I’m doing, now that I’m FINALLY focused.
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jsneese62 said:
I have a distraction problem as well some of them are in my own head and others come with four legs chief among them is the 5.5 lb insane kitten. I lay down to pray usually because I have really bad back problems and there is nothing like hearing something in the kitchen hitting the floor or having her land in the middle of my stomach to bring a prayer to a screeching halt and I apologize and continue. My brain also creates distractions as well like why is the insane kitten quiet. I know why these distractions happen and so I try to just ignore them as much as I can.
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ColorStorm said:
Back in day God asked Mr. Adam: ‘where are you?’
Rest assured He didn’t need GPS ( and I use the word ‘global’ tentatively. lol) to find one of the Adams family…… So yes, He knows. He sees. EVERYTHING. Pity the man who thinks he knows more that a Chemist who can make a man out of dirt.
And it’s kind of cool that we can blog and reach people- that ONE who needs that word for today….
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peachandbatman said:
You’re writing is a strong medicine, but it’s why I keep coming back! Yes and amen to it all. Oh, indeed, amen.
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Clyde Herrin said:
Reblogged this on clydeherrin.
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Andy Oldham said:
Well said. Enjoyed reading!
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SLIMJIM said:
All people are broken and are messed up
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A. Amos Love said:
IB…
Amen…
“…but you really just can’t be a truth teller in polite society.
The truth is not always congruent with polite society.”
——-
What is popular is NOT always “Truth.”
What is “Truth” is NOT always popular.
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