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Several years back I had a dream, a rather ordinary looking man standing on a bank across a river, just pointing to his eyes. I knew he wanted me to cross the river, but I just looked away. Nope, not happening. That water is moving way too fast and I don’t even know you…

It’s almost comical how simple that symbolism is, how obvious it all seems today, but at the time I was completely baffled. I couldn’t figure out why I kept having this dream. I didn’t recognize the man, I had no idea why he wanted me to keep my eyes on him, and the water looked cold.

2010 was actually a pretty tough year for me. By the time we got to the 2020, I felt like I’d already lived through the zombie apocalypse, Y2K, and Mad Max all at once. It’s darkly humorous but my fear-o-meter was just busted. It had completely exceeded it’s mechanical limitations from the wear and tear of the last decade. Someone panicked back in 2020, yelling, “we’re all going to die,” and I just rolled my eyes and thought, bring it on! Welcome, oh sweet mercy of death….

Fortunately I usually keep such utterances to myself.

I sometimes like to quip, “the cure for fear is more fear.” Eventually you’ll just wear yourself out and fall out the bottom, but what I really mean is that, “fear of Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” God has to become bigger and more powerful then all our fears put together. He already is, but I mean He has to become that way in our own minds. We have to believe it’s true.

It just astounds me that several months before covid even hit my mother had been hospitalized with pneumonia and my husband was on a vent fighting in the ICU for his life. I don’t wish to make light of how traumatic that all was, but there is something to be said for the strength that comes from being able to say, meh, been there and done that already. We tend to fear the unknown, the uncertainty, not the things we have already walked through.

Once God told me, “you don’t have to trust me at all. Makes no difference to me, but your own comfort level might be better if you do.” Those were just the perfect words for me at the time. Since we’re going over the cliff anyway, it makes more sense to trust that God knows what He is doing then to just scream hysterically all the way down. God is also self contained, self sufficient, He doesn’t really “need” us to do anything. He might desire it, but it isn’t “needed.” Often when human people are demanding your trust they have an ulterior motive. When people say, I need you to trust me, yeah, run.

You have to trust the science! Yeah, uh, run…..

God isn’t like that at all. He is always trustworthy and not the author of confusion.

I really thought I knew Him and trusted Him back in 2010, but not even close. That dream was spot on. It was a marvelously prophetic wake up call. Also, it was some really beautiful preparation before life hit. I’m just astounded by how that all happened right before the poo began to really hit the fan.

This “rather ordinary man” in my dream was just like us, one of us, plain and human, and I think that was a piece that was missing from my understanding in faith. I thought I trusted God, but I actually kept Him at a distance. He was wholly Divine, far away, hovering about in the heavens somewhere.

I am laughing but yes, I even pray formally in the KJV or I used to. Not so much anymore. God and I are much closer, and He was right, my own comfort level is much better when I trust in Him.