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My girls often don’t understand why I am not a feminist, falsely believing feminism is all about equality and fairness between men and women and not grasping the Marxist implications, nor the spiritual ones, at all.

First I should explain I grew up immersed in it, having read every feminist book ever written and attending many conferences, many meetings, many protests. So what happened? I eventually wound up powerless, broken, paranoid, feeling like a victim, constantly reminded of what a second class citizen I allegedly was, unworthy, a target, doomed to forever be an object of the world’s wrath.

It’s a bit humorous, I mean what do you expect? One can hardly be looking for the patriarchy lurking around every corner, rapists hiding in every parking garage, hyper alert to every potential microaggression hidden in male behavior. It’s bloody exhausting. Also, it’s abuse. I have enough of an abuse history and enough self awareness to recognize when I am being brainwashed and when the damage to my soul starts to become self evident. I really did wind up hypervigilant, paranoid, and powerless.

So if you aren’t a female, you can go immerse yourself in some male privilege, which is sure to cause quite a row, but honestly that’s really where my heart is today. We should be celebrating our creation, who we are, and who we were designed to be, and doing it with some good grace and deep appreciation, maybe even a bit of good natured superiority. Gentle superiority, the kind that doesn’t need to lord itself over others.

The world does not tell you the truth about “female privilege” nor the truth about “male privilege.” Men are privileged to be the most likely to be a crime victim, the most likely to die in a homicide, the most likely to die in war, and the most likely to wind up in prison. Those numbers are about ten to one. For every missing blond woman paraded across the nightly news, there are a dozen male victims of drive by shootings, gang violence, and homicide that don’t even warrant a mention. Most of us are horrified by missing women, as we should be, but we have been so indoctrinated, we give little or no thought to the 25 men murdered in Chicago every weekend. It is so normalized, so routine, so expected, it doesn’t even make the news anymore.

Feminists make sure women get to hear about how deprived we are, how oppressed, how men have something we don’t, how there is this glass ceiling, how biology has dealt us a bad card, how the patriarchal system has slighted us. Pay special attention to how we have to smash the patriarchy, dismantle the world system, and change the very nature of men. Why? Because the path to powerlessness, to bondage, is actually the blame game. It is believing that you don’t have to change yourself, you just have fix the entire world around you in order to be free.

The one thing you can change is yourself, and often your individual circumstances. I will be oppressed until the world changes and the patriarchy falls, is a recipe for powerlessness and futility. It is the precise opposite of female empowerment. It will lead you right into bondage.

To add some complexity to the situation, men are forever validating the feminist message. Domestic violence, rape, sex trafficking, are all real enough things, as are some less violent forms of lunkheadness. There are flawed and broken men everywhere and if you are on the receiving end of enough of their nonsense, feminism has a certain kind of appeal, a seductive quality to it. It makes sense on the surface.

Faith does have a lot to do with it. I mean, it is very hard to be the daughter of a King, to be called His beloved, to have an extra skip in your step every time you think of Amazing Grace, and still perceive yourself as somehow being slighted or cheated or oppressed. Even on my worst day, some part inside of me feels like I just won the lottery. There are many women who perceive themselves as both feminists and Christians, but I just can’t do it. I am more like, not even of this world. I don’t want equality or equity, or even a seat at the table, because I am seated so high in heavenly places that the silly games of this world feel, well, quite silly.

Envy has never really been a big thing for me. I just see too much. I know some rich and powerful men and I know some popular ones who have had things handed to them, and my soul actually aches for them. Stuff, money, prestige, what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul? I’ve seen enough addiction, suicide, and early heart attacks, to understand that there is more going on there than meets the eye. One can be just as miserable in a mansion with a swimming pool as one can be in a tent, and just as lonely and invisible in a crowd full of people, as someone who is truly alone. I have too much sharpened empathy and it tends to sweep away envy rather quickly.

There’s a bit of superiority going on too, like why would I even want what you have? A while back we had a protest, a gathering a women priests protesting the Catholic church not ordaining women, and I caused a little spat by blurting out, “Uh no, I don’t think we should ordain women as priests, why would I even want to be a part of that worldly system?” Wait, aren’t I a priest already? A royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people? Peculiar indeed, because my comment went over like a wet blanket. Not only am I not Catholic, I’m not a feminist, and I feel like a priest of a sort already, the best kind really.

The world is full of misery, injustice, and suffering, and some of it is likely to get on you. If you take that personally, blame it on your gender, your race, your whatever, you are in essence blaming yourself for the behavior of others which you cannot control, and surrendering your own authority, which you can.

So no, I don’t want women to have less power, I want them to have authentic power, and I genuinely believe that kind of power can only be found in our Lord and Savior.