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First let me say there are some hills worth dying on, some fights that need to be fought. There is a spiritual battle going on and we are soldiers in a war, fighting from a place of victory, His victory.

Much of the Christian world tends to focus on winning, on victory, on prosperity and success. We’re more than an overcomer. We can move mountains. Just have more faith! You’re more than a conqueror. Speak it into existence. The Western world, especially America, is also very driven, you can do anything, be anything, make it happen for yourself. Anyone can have it all, be it all, and even grow up to be president some day.

You can’t, by the way. The American dream is an ideal, a good one, but it isn’t true in it’s extreme form. Men cannot become women just because they want to be, gay people cannot just get married and pretend to have children together, and you cannot take a life in the womb and pretend it is not really a “life.”

Women also cannot have it all, be it all, and do it all. There are many trying to prove me wrong. I’m am just saying, you cannot have a full time career, a full time education, a full time marriage, and be a full time mom, all at the same time. Women will actually beat themselves up over this, feel like a failure due to our inability to juggle and keep 70 balls in the air all at the same time.

While winning is certainly one side of it, we often seem to forget that grace came to us by way of horrific suffering and grief. Grace did not win by lopping off a man’s ear or riding in triumphant on a donkey or being victorious in battle.

Jesus set down His sword, He surrendered all, and He lost His life. He didn’t have to, He could have fled, He could have called forth a legion of angels. He didn’t. He voluntarily gave up His life. He lost so that we might win.

Those who know the sweetest of grace the most intimately are not winners but rather losers. The first few words of a lot of 12 step programs are, “I admitted I was powerless…” Grace often comes to us when we’ve hit rock bottom, lost everything, and we know that we aren’t “winning.” We are lost, powerless, and often in great pain.

We often draw closest to the Lord, we receive the most grace when we admit defeat, surrender all, let go, and agree to lose. When we have lost all hope, is when He becomes our hope.

I’m a real fighter, I’m a survivor. A bit funny, but my survival skills have almost killed me a few times. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that our victory is to be found in surrender, that genuine strength does not come from winning but from losing, that the most powerful people in the world are actually those who know how to lose well and to rest comfortably in His peace.

I look at the country right now, I look at the church, I look at our poor kids, and I often think, how sad that nobody ever taught you how to lose gracefully. The world is not exactly filled with grace right now and that is part of the problem. When we are afraid to lose we are ruled by fear.

My husband can be a real bugger sometimes. It’s interesting because I don’t see his strength when he’s all huffing and barking at the neighbors, I see it when he surrenders all and brings them their mail, speaks to them nicely. That is powerful, that is strength, that is what “losing” looks like.