I snagged this little meme in light of some boring and redundant obsessions with alleged, “Biblical manhood.”
One of these days I shall roll my eyes so hard they just get stuck in the back of my head and than you’ll all be sorry. Like seriously, we’re still doing this crap??
We are indeed, “still doing this crap.”
Men must be hard. Not soft. Not gentle. Strong, having no emotions except anger of course. Anger is manly. Empathy is a besetting sin. So are feelings. Also manly apparently, repressing everything that makes you human, never asking for help, avoiding healthy connections and intimacy, having really high suicide rates, and being at risk for an early heart attack….. I’ll spare you the links, but you get the idea.
So here’s how it works in the real world, being hard is not strength, it is actually cowardice, fear, self protection. It is separation, disconnection, and stoicism. I know this on account of the fact that I was once hard, a tough, tough cookie. I let the pain make me hate. I let bitterness steal my sweetness. I wasn’t strong at all, I was weak, totally walled off from the world, hardened. True story. It really isn’t all that different for men, except we try to tell them that this is the ideal, the epitome of being a man.
It takes incredible strength and courage to be soft, to be gentle. There is nothing so strong as true gentleness. You have to be willing to risk letting people hurt you. Love is so not for the faint of heart, it comes with a price, there is a cost. What does it mean to care? It means I am strong enough to endure your pain and my own heartbreak too, and to remain intact, whole, vulnerable through it all.
So, so not easy. That’s takes some serious strength.
I don’t know of any good bear wrestling, manly alpha words for “soft” and “gentle,” but I can assure you those do not belong exclusively to the feminine realm. Some fruit of the spirit is “kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self control.” The Bible is not trying to feminize anyone, it is informing us that those characteristics come from tapping into the Source of all strength, the Holy Spirit. Not only strength, but genuine power, too.
I also don’t have a proper bear wrestling, manly alpha word for “sweetness,” but I assure you, men have a sweetness, a soul, an essence that is unmistakable, untarnished by the world. It is well, sweet.
So 1 Thessalonians 2 is one of many places in the Bible where we see strength is not equated with hardness, and not genderdized, in fact the precise opposite. “But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.”
Right? We’re comparing the strength of men to the gentleness of nursing mothers and speaking of not only sharing the gospel, but sharing our own selves.
One last thing, the quote that absolutely appalled me in this discussion was, “the devil is in the business of making men soft.” No, that’s totally bass akwards. The devil is in the business of convincing men they are strong, impervious, and hard, so self reliant and lacking vulnerability they don’t need nothing and nobody, including God Himself.
If the devil was in the business of making men soft and vulnerable, he’d be in the business of helping them to discover their complete dependence on the Lord, which would lead them to discovering their strength and power in Jesus Christ, and the devil surely does not want that.
Deflate the enemy. Be soft. Be gentle. It’s powerful.
See, there's this thing called biology... 
Great content!
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Incredibly well spoken, IB. This is the essence of why God created woman at Gen 2 – to balance masculinity. Proverbs 15:1
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I Corinthians 16:
13 Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.
Andrizomai (an-drid’-zom-ahee);
Word Origin: Greek, Verb, Strong #: 407
to make a man of or make brave
to show one’s self a man, be brave
KJV Word Usage and Count
quit you like men 1
Feminist women think a strong man is being like Bluto. I think a strong man is being like Popeye. Ever notice how Olive Oyl always went for Bluto first, until she found out what a creep he was? It was only after Popeye saved her life that she appreciated him. Feminist women today seem to prefer Bluto in any case even though it kills them.
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I’ve heard it said that meekness is strength under control.
Not Walter Mitty.
More like Jesus.
Good message from a man who is still learning this thing called godliness with contentment.
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I mean,
Good Message.
From a man who is still learning this thing called godliness with contentment.
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It’s very very bad for a man to go around starting fights.
It’s very very good for a man to be able to finish a fight that some dumb @$$ starts.
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Ahh yes, good quote, “meekness is strength under control.” I like that.
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U will surely upset the artificial Mach’s mentality of the Al Capone types- yeah, like being manly is like horse power.
Uh nooo, I find high revs boring and empty.
Give me the man who can hold a sparrow in his palm and crush it in a second or less- but does not: will not/ because in gentleness there is power. (As u say)
I also like Solomon- cut the baby in half! Not because he was a strong man- but because he was a wise person- gently getting to the heart of a natter.
When u see the thugs on tv, ie the ‘warriors of the anti guns- or beasts who ravage stores because of Justice!!!’ yuck- these-be not men- they be weak minded brutes- and ar an embarrassment to true manhood.
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Amen. Solomon, wisdom, now there’s a manly quality we don’t talk about much in the modern world! Patience and wisdom kind of go hand in hand. Also quite true, much of those riots, looting, and protests we see are just an embarrassment, weak minded brutes having tantrums. 🙂
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I am blessed to be married to a man who gets choked up when words from scripture are read, when inspirational songs are sung and when he is sad. I love that about him. I know his strengths but those don’t touch me as much as his sensitivity. To expect men to be one way or another is really an archaic idea. Jesus wept. He experienced loss. His tears fell like drops of blood when he prayed to be released from his mission on earth. Since I believe he’s the perfect example of humanity, I think a man who is able to exhibit his sensitivity is a great catch.
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A man can’t be a man unless he understands sorrow and grief.
Isaiah 53
1 Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the LORD revealed?
2 For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.
3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
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The devil is making men soft?
Well I guess it depends on what you mean by ‘soft’.
Being “soft” doesn’t necessarily mean “gutless”, nor does it mean that to be soft, you must give up your strength and integrity to do so. Being soft is more about being generous to others, being patient and forgiving of their many flaws, and repentant for one’s own.
As always, I have a personal story to illustrate 😊
Hubby lost his job yesterday. He kind of saw it coming, his company was bought out by another and had been doing some “corporate restructuring”. Yesterday was his turn.
He has every reason to be resentful for what they did. They hired him for his expertise, sucked every last bit of knowledge they could out of him and then kicked him to the curb when they were done with him.
When I learned the news, I burst into tears of bitterness and frustration. How DARE they not value my man in the way I do!
He put his arms around me and told me it would be ok. What they did was shitty, but he’s ok. He knows it’s not a reflection on him, it was just a business decision.
He’s not a saint, ok? I’m sure he does harbour some bitterness in there somewhere, but do you see how he sets that aside for me?
In softening his heart, he becomes *strength* to me when I am weak.
In that moment, I thought about how good God is to me, in giving me this man who sets aside his own turmoil to help me with my own!
Before commenting, I asked my husband what he thought about this hard/soft dichotomy as it relates to “biblical manhood”.
His take?
Staying “soft” – that is, remaining open and generous towards others – without giving up one’s values and integrity, IS biblical manhood.
So there ya go. Straight from the horses mouth 😁
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Great comment! That’s it exactly. I’m so sorry for the job loss, but kudos to your hubby for his strength and positive attitude. Sometimes when things like this happen, it’s an upgrade. The Lord is clearing out the old to make room for something way better. I have hard time trusting in that truth and declaring it over myself, but it’s really true. So I’ll pray that your upgrade is on it’s way.
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Aw, thanks so much, IB, for prayer and the encouragement.
He put out word yesterday morning that he was available, got a response within 6 minutes. This guy has been wanting hubby to come work for him for a while and I guess he thought he better snap him up while he could. They met, he has an offer and they are just haggling over money. The job is a good fit for his skillset and there will be no downtime between the last job and the next.
We are in good hands and we are grateful for it.
Oh, and also, they will take on our daughter as well at a much better wage than she is currently earning!
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I rarely quibble with you, but I do have a tiny one. You said, “So, so not easy. That’s takes some serious strength.” [to be a tender, gentle man]
It might be true that to change to be soft, to change to be tender, loving, kind, gentle is difficult, and takes strength… but if you’ve had lots of practice at it, it’s not so hard at all.
The quick story; Way back, when I was just 21 years old, my 19-year old brother died in a car accident. Needless to say, my family and I were devastated. In my many years of musing about that terrible day, I could never remember the last thing I had ever said to my brother on this earth. And at that time, I resolved that from that moment on, whenever I said good-bye to my loved ones, I’d also say, “I love you,” and that would be the last thing they’d ever hear form me. I kept to that resolution.
When my brother died, I was a card-carrying member of what one might term “the Northeast Frozen Chosen.” Strong, silent, calm, no crying, no outward emotions… a “man.” When my brother died, I saw in blinding clarity the silliness, the pointless emptiness, of conforming to anyone else’s idea of what and how a man ought to be, and instead I became what I truly always was inside: the sappy, demonstrative, emotional founder of the “I love you” club. (Unknowingly, of course! It took a clever, creative friend of my daughter’s to coin the term years later!) Ironically, it might have been the gut punch of my brother’s passing that spurred me to be simply… me.
A dozen or so years later, my children arrived — a daughter and a son — and both heard (and hear) that I loved them all the time. In every phone conversation, every get-together, every conversation we’ve ever had, the last words were, and are, “I love you,” and “I love you too” right back. Whether in public or not. Whether with other friends or not. Even at the end of an argument or fight, though those have been few.
Later, when my daughter grew up and became the wonderful young lady that she has become, her friends vied to become members of the “I love you” club… the ones who hear “I love you” from me at the end of a conversation. We always laugh about the “I love you” club, but my daughter and son cherish it. Also, several of his and her friends have started up “clubs” of their own as well, which is both heartwarming, and… kinda funny. My daughter’s friends and she now say it at the ends of phone conversations among themselves!
The point: it’s easy to do all this, because I’ve/we’ve been practicing it for a long time.
I’m a big, heavily-muscled dude, a former two-sport professional athlete… according to all conventions, it should be difficult for me to be soft and gentle, but it’s not… thanks to years of practice. Furthermore, my kids will tell you that I’m the best mother they ever had. Yes, “mother.” Due to the unusual circumstances of our particular family arrangement, my kids celebrate “Mother’s Day” and “Father’s Day” with me, and I get cards and little gifts each day.
The further point: It shouldn’t take the horror of a car accident that rips a deeply loved one from us, to turn us into loving, gentle men. Life’s way, way way too short not to tell those you love that you love them. Life’s too short not to make up for the times you didn’t tell those you love that you love them. Life’s too short not to thank God for loving you. Life’s too short not to love everyone around you. Life’s too short not to thank God for giving you this life. And life’s too short not to be kind and gentle, tender and loving, sweet, encouraging and uplifting, to your loved ones and to those around you. There is strength in tenderness; there is strength in gentleness — as ColorStorm so sweetly showed in his example with the bird — and, if you start now, it actually becomes pretty easy pretty quickly.
Best,
— x
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I’m sorry about the loss of your brother. That is just a heartbreaking tragedy. What a beautiful way you’ve chosen to honor him.
I’m glad you shared your story about raising your kids and your wisdom because I think it’s just the right example, just the kind of validation and support we really need to hear. 🙂
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“I don’t know of any good bear wrestling, manly alpha words for “soft” and “gentle,”
I can’t explain why, but this idea came to mind as I read that. Temperance involves a softening.
Temperance(noun) = the act of tempering; the trait of avoiding excess. Synonyms: sobriety, moderation.
“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.” – Gal. 5:22
In metallurgy, tempering is a process of improving the characteristics of a metal, especially steel, by heating it to a high temperature, then cooling it, usually in air. The process has the effect of toughening by lessening brittleness and reducing internal stresses.
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Oh, I like that, MJ! Good thought. That’s like tempered steel. What some people don’t realize we temper it make it less brittle, so tempering is actually removing the excess hardness. So to make it stronger, tougher, you actually have to decrease the hardness of the alloy. Tempering was actually once called “softening,” so there you go. 🙂
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“So here’s how it works in the real world, being hard is not strength, it is actually cowardice, fear, self protection. It is separation, disconnection, and stoicism.”
Amen, IB. Good word. Strength looks like Jesus. The fruit of our lives should look like love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I think anger and being hard is on the other list.
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Reblogged this on Madison Elizabeth Baylis.
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