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person about to pour yellow liquid on palm

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So hubby and  I are having this argument about flies and vinegar because I truly believe that you’re going to catch more flies with honey than with vinegar and he can’t seem to even understand why we are catching flies in the first place.

What we have here is this epic fail to communicate and several mixed metaphors. Over and over in my marriage it always comes back to birth order. Because I am an extremist in all things, we don’t just do halfway. We take it to the extreme. So I am the oldest of the oldest, the oldest child from a whole lot of dysfunction, and he is the youngest boy out of 15 kids. So you know, it’s not a subtle difference. It’s more like an extreme sport.

It’s a bit funny, in a world full of compatibility tests, horoscopes, and enneagrams, I completely missed the obvious right in front of me. Birth order. I remember my husband almost brought it up once, but it was more like looking for reassurance as if to say, that stuff doesn’t really matter does it?

close up photography of honey

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Bahahaha! And I like the oldest child I am was quick to reassure the youngest that such notions were downright silly. We were in love, what can I say. It tends to cloud your judgement. So listen up, I recant all that and declare, birth order, really, really matters.

Younger children will stomp their foot, whine, and have a fit to try to get what they want, but older children don’t even bother because nobody cares anyway. Who are you going to whine to?? My hubby had 15 brothers and sisters. He just expects his needs to be mysteriously met. I’ve spent a lifetime trying to teach him how to ask for what you need, you know with like, actual words, and that you will catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

He does pretty well with me! In him I am well pleased. By golly, he’s got it! But with the rest of the people in the world? Ohhhh,….not so much. Nope. Wayyyyyy better than he used to be, but nope. He still does not seem to understand that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

When we first met we would go out and have coffee and when his cup was empty he would just start tapping it repeatedly on the table. I was like, “what do you think you are doing?” With complete innocence, with genuine confusion, he said, “my cup is empty, I’m going to get someone to refill it?” Uhm, no. Nope, that is just not working for me. That is sooooo not how we do things. We do not just act really annoying until somebody shows up to meet our needs. Not happening.

person holding fresh honeycomb

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I am really grateful for the Holy Spirit, for His revelations and His wisdom, because I am actually not smart enough to figure this stuff out on my own, and also I am emotionally entangled. I can’t tell you how many times the Lord has whispered to me, something like, look, this is why he does that. And this is why it pushes your buttons.

I sometimes have shadow issues with youngest children, with the babies of the family, left over resentments from having had way too much responsibility thrust on me, irritation with their somewhat self absorbed ways, frustration because they won’t just grow up already.

This sense of powerlessness and regret because I can’t protect them properly. 

I also think the world needs a whole lot more honey in it and whole lot less vinegar, and most days I’m just tired of all the flies.