So here’s the deal my darlings, my darlings on the internet and even on the ground IRL, I’ve had quite enough of some meanspirited accusations of racism, misogyny, bigotry, and homophobia. I’ve had enough, this needs to stop, because it is unkind, it is disrespectful, and it is untrue. It’s a whisper smear campaign a bit like people would once whisper “communist” to get back at their neighbors or their employees, or anyone else they wanted to blackball. It’s a form of bullying, one I find totally unacceptable.
Also, if anyone still desires to change the world, I assure you that screaming “racist” at people who are racist does nothing to make the world a better place, in fact, it actually fuels a much bigger problem. A much bigger problem that people with wisdom and experience understand, people who recognize the nuances of human behavior.
Pardon the pun, but wiser people understand that the nature of the world is not cut and dry, not black and white, not men against women, not us against them.
“There are none worthy not one,” and that includes people who are transgendered, victims of abuse, and black folks too. To act as if virtue and integrity is something assigned based on current social identity, on protected status and group affiliation, is just plain ignorant and irrational. Actually, it is racist.
I am not an, “ignorant uneducated hick from the boonies,” nor a “fossil from the dark ages.” I did not slaughter the Indians nor did I enslave black people. I did not perpetuate the need for the Stonewall riots, nor fund the patriarchy. Not only am I going to refuse to pay reparations for social injustice, you actually owe me something.
An apology.
I learned who I truly was at worship with brown people, at the feet of the oppressed, and while on the streets dumpster diving for dinner. There is nothing privileged about me. I didn’t grow up with two parents in “white America.” I grew up when I was barely five years old, forced to try to help my mother deliver my little brother at home, as quietly as possible so no one would know.
I don’t come from the right side of the tracks. I am a train wreck of scars, of generational curses, of numerous injustices, of endless trauma and suffering and grief. And yet, God is still on the throne, and God is good.
So here’s how this works, we are required to love, honor, and cherish our parents, even our rabid right ring, foaming at the mouth, racist-Trump- supporting-Neanderthal parents-from-the-Dark Ages. Because that’s who we are. That’s how we roll. We love one another no matter what, because relationships are important, because family is everything. Because how well we love difficult people is what defines us. Us, not them.
I have had to learn how to love my far left, radical Marxist, crazy, atheist parents, amid a great deal of dysfunction and abuse, not so much for their sake, but for my own. Bitterness, unforgiveness, hatred, doesn’t hurt other people nearly as much as it hurts us. What were they wrong about? Most things. To this day I tune out my mothers rants about the faked moon landing conspiracy and her hero worship of Che Guevara. I tune it out and I buy her a latte. I give her a hug and I take her to see the sunset. We people are not our politics, we are not our opinions, we are not our I-dentities, we are souls with bodies trying to live in fallen world.
This place I live in has built up some big walls. Those walls are coming down. These family divisions, these churchians divisions, these political divisions, this rugged individualist mentality is going to fall. It is a done deal, because I am absolutely unwilling to allow it to continue.
gmgoetz said:
Ahh, IB, thank you first over everything, for calling me “darling”. Of course I realize I am in the same bucket as thousands of others, and miles below hubby, but still there, so thanks.
Anyway, great thoughts from your mind again. If we all could concentrate on getting along, seeing others as God sees them and us. Realizing we are all works in progress, and we may be further along than some, but further behind many, we all in this world would be much better off.
Late thought. ….Drum Roll….. Has anyone started an “IB for President” campaign or petition. Or how about head of the United Nations or some other position to better the world.
God Bless you IB.
LUV, 😀🌹
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insanitybytes22 said:
Ahhh, you really are a darling, George. 🙂
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gmgoetz said:
☺️😁
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Wally Fry said:
“. I didn’t grow up with two parents in “white America.”
Yes, you are my long lost twin sister.
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insanitybytes22 said:
Yep, so true Wally! I think we really are twins.
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ColorStorm said:
Well done msb. Love it.
I too know from whence u speak, and the origin of these missiles, and whether they be intentional, misguided, or just plain careless, but more importantly, we have the wherewithal and the proper shielding to dismiss them as irrelevant, or to cast them aside, KNOWING the intent, heck, after all, there was this rascal named Adam, while being a god man, he had two sons, worlds apart though, and well, here we are today.
Anyway, the webtoobz can be wonderful and pitiful, and thank God for those wings that surround us and give us favor.
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ColorStorm said:
While being a good man, not ‘god man.’ Geez.
But I suppose one can be God’s man without violating scripture. 😉
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Julie (aka Cookie) said:
oh my gosh IB—this is outstanding!
I guess I must have grown up in your neck of the woods huh? 😉
Learning how to forgive not for their sake, but for my own.
Not a hick from the boonies…
actually college-educated, whose husband does not tell me how to vote—he actually likes to learn from me as I tend to stay up on things a bit more as he has had his bate of all things news and politics.
Am I perfect?
Heck no.
I’ve made mistakes, make mistakes and most likely will continue on the mistake path—that’s part and parcel of being human.
But this madness has got to stop!!!
Today there’s a news story circling out there about Reagan having been derogatory in private company regarding an upcoming visit from an African delegation.
I love Reagan.
Was he perfect?
Heck no.
I’m actually reading a wonderful book about his faith and how, after his assassination attempt, he quickly realized that God had a big plan for him and that he needed to be open to being used by God…
We are all works in progress.
We learn from mistakes and we learn to love…
really really love…especially when we don’t want to or find it near impossible.
Thank you IB!!
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MJThompson said:
“we are not our I-dentities”
A kinder, gentler time when we could abandon our ‘I-dentities’ – if only for a moment – ro engage in civil debate to celebrate common-ground in spite of our differences, is MY hope in support of MAGA. Sadly, so much attention has been placed on ‘I-dentities’, that we’ve lost our focus on the goal.
I’d vote for you if you ever declared your candidacy. Your obvious understanding of ALL sides of the social, political, and spiritual domains produced a unique empathy that makes you a great moderate, even though you seem grounded in conservative values.
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sklyjd said:
That is one of your best posts.
I am glad you feel this way IB, and just maybe you will be one of the rare Christian bloggers who acknowledge the science that LBGQ people are not possessed by evil and it is far less, a “lifestyle choice” that is a term started by a deeply misguided Sigmund Freud who has much to answer for.
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iamcurmudgeon said:
I agree with sklyjd!
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Gee Jen said:
Thank you for this, I am amazed by your ability to forgive your parents and forgive them. May I ask what that means for you and if boundaries are important to enabling this relationship to continue. Do you recommend this approach for all who have experienced trauma?
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insanitybytes22 said:
I think forgiveness is always a good thing, always healthy. Even one sided forgiveness towards someone totally unrepentant sets US free, heals US, brings rest to OUR souls. But there are many situations, like with actively using addicts, or violence, or child sexual abuse, where there has to be clear boundaries, where you can’t or shouldn’t try to restore the relationship in a physical sense.
When it comes to boundaries, I have to do all the work. It’s this never ending thing of making sure I am taking care of myself, making sure I schedule time away from my mother, so I can create lots of emotional distance and not react to her. It’s kind of a family joke, but today she is elderly, a bit frail, and all of 95 pounds. So if I am letting her hurt me, it’s because I’ve gone and handed her more power, more authority then she actually has.
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Doug said:
Hmmmm….
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seekingdivineperspective said:
I love this post! I couldn’t agree more. Only I can’t buy my parents a latte. They have both departed, and I miss spending time with them, even the times we disagreed. Love ’em while you can.
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insanitybytes22 said:
Amen, love them while you can.
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seekingdivineperspective said:
I think you would have liked my dad. Although he was raised in an era that would be called “racist” by today’s standards, I know he tried to be fair to all and was generous to a fault. Once when he and I were in the car together and trying to cross a busy road from a side street, no one was giving us a break. After we had sat there for about five minutes, finally a black man slowed down, smiled at us, and motioned to my dad to go ahead. He smiled, waved a “thank you,” and went ahead. After a moment of silence, he muttered, “How’d’ya like that? Forty years of prejudice, shot to hell…” (Did I mention his self-deprecating sense of humor?)
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insanitybytes22 said:
LOL! Great story. Yep, I think I would have liked your dad.
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Doug said:
I am curious, IB… you prefer people who agree with what you say, or understand what you are saying and where you’re coming from?
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insanitybytes22 said:
I think what I love the most is when people are willing to listen patiently, to dialog, and then to tell me why I might be wrong. When people can display some emotional maturity, I’m kind of a sucker for it. About 30 seconds in and I’m trying to figure out how to come I into agreement and come alongside you.
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Doug said:
You’d likely be surprised how much we do agree… not entirely the politics but life in general. The question I just asked of you has nothing to do about politics… but more the humanities. You typically express far more than people comment about… to the point where sometimes it feels empty.
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authorstephanieparkermckean said:
Amen. Heartrendingly beautiful and poignant. God bless you. Thank you for always standing for Truth, regardless of the shots fired at you.
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Pastor Randy said:
This line, IB, oh that our culture would embrace it: “Because how well we love difficult people is what defines us.” And…sometimes I don’t like my definition–but by His grace, it is changing! Thanks for stomping on this preacher’s toes!
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Michael Wilson said:
You nailed. I am fed up with it as well.
And … God is in a good mood.
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Michael Wilson said:
Reblogged this on The Culture Alternative and commented:
Now this is excellent!
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insanitybytes22 said:
Thank you, Michael. Much appreciated. 🙂
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Tricia said:
I really appreciated this post IB. It comes down to giving people space to be flawed human beings and the ability to recognize one’s own deficiencies. The whole “everyone is a racist, hater….” movement really bugs me and not just because I don’t appreciate the assumption that I’m racist or privileged just for being born white. That type of thinking erases the individual, strips them of their unique traits, upbringing and experiences and lumps them in to categories with a shared identity. This way of thinking is central to totalitarian societies and is a very dangerous road for our culture to be dwelling in.
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insanitybytes22 said:
Great comment, Tricia.
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soakedduck said:
Well said dear sister, well said.
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