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Don’t you wish the shampoo bottles were true?? I’ve always been puzzled by the fortress we seem to always be building in our bathroom. Since the dawn of time in this house, we’ve had this weird obsession with shampoo. We don’t need anymore, we probably never will, but that does not seem to stop new bottles from arriving and frequently.

My pet peeve, the print is way too small and whoever came up with “conditioning shampoo” and “shampooing conditioner” should be fired. I don’t want to have to get a magnifying glass and start diagramming sentences just to figure out what is in the bottle.

So the other day I actually found myself in the bathroom trying to solve the riddle of the shampoo bottles. As they were falling off the shelves, I started reading them and realized, this is like a chamber of devotionals, devotionals built on utter nonsense, but just the same who does not want “total revival for your soul??” How about to “indulge inΒ  luxurious creamy coconut milk infused with whipped white proteins?”

I love “shampoo science” the most, its complete nonsense, but “dancing molecules, bonding atoms, and whipped proteins,” do make you feel like you’re being productive.

I liked, “this exotic formula will infuse your hair with strength, elasticity, and hydration, the delicate fragrance supporting the balance and harmony of a healthy lifestyle.” Wow! Who knew?? All I have to do to purify and cleanse my entire life, to set free the dancing molecules of revival, is to wash my hair.

Suddenly I think I understand why we have so much shampoo. I have now solved the riddle of the shampoo fortress we are building in the bathroom. And that actually might be a good thing!Β  Now if only the shampoo bottles would make good on their promises, all would be well with my soul.

 

woman morning bathrobe bathroom

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