Having a chuckle here, there has been a bit of a spat among some Dalrockian red pills over Pastor Wilson’s book, “Reforming Marriage.” Specifically, they don’t like some of his ideas about how husbands are responsible for making their wives more lovely.
Wilson says many things in his book among them, “As a husband treats his wife in the scriptural fashion, he should expect her to grow increasingly lovely.” And, “This is not because the husband has earned it, but rather because through the grace of God, he has been blessed.”
I think there are some real elements of truth there, I don’t think Wilson is that far off target. I would stress that it is actually the Lord who helps us to grow increasingly lovely, but yes, love bestows loveliness, and a good husband is an indispensable part of that.
This is a terrible thing to say, but I’m going to say it anyway, you know how people start to resemble their dogs? It’s really true. I’ve often had a giggle over the lady with the toy poodle with the bow in his hair, just like hers. I like to go to the dog park and match dogs up to their owners, cracks me up. I have a Jack Russel, he is quite a character, and a few times I have caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and thought, oh dear heavens, I really am starting to resemble this dog……
We really are products of our environment, we become the company we keep. We start to resemble the people, places, and things around us. You are what you eat, in a spiritual context, and it really begins to manifest itself in the natural world, too.
I don’t wish to unduly burden any good men because in life there are always factors beyond our control, curve balls that come our way. So I am thinking primarily of those particularly nasty specimens who post things on the internet like, “my wife is fat, ugly, stupid, and lazy.” Well dude, women are very reflective. We tend to receive and multiply what we are given. That poor woman is simply a product of her ugly environment. Repent, because I think that ugly environment just might be you.
I am actually growing younger, aging backwards, getting lovelier, and you may laugh with me if you like, because that is a somewhat fanciful notion. But it’s a testimony to the goodness of the Lord, to the validity of standing in His promises. He always makes good on His promises.
In my 40’s I was pretty worn down, tired, motherhood had consumed me, my kids were going off the deep end, the neighborhood had plunged into the abyss, and hubby rather than being helpful was more like teetering on the edge of, “God obviously hates us, so we’re just going to hate Him right back.” It certainly looked that way, I mean objectively circumstances were not looking good anywhere.
I really had to put my foot down, and to reach for something unseen. At the time my hubby had moved my mother into our house, almost vengefully, and I knew he was going to come to regret it and eventually blame me. Which is exactly what happened. So we had this argument one day and he pointed out that “your God,” because at this point God had become “my God” and not his anymore, but he said somewhat sarcastically, “your God said you have to honor your mother.”
I was peeved, caught in the heat of the moment, anointed even, because I have no idea where this even came from, but I was suddenly preaching like the prophets of old, prophesying all over the place. So I snapped, “Yeah He did, He said, honor your mother and father “that your days may be long in the land the LORD,” and you shall prosper, thrive, age backwards, and grow younger and lovelier everyday…..” So there! I think I probably even stomped my foot, but I can’t recall.
I just became the human form of Israel marching into the Promised Land like I owned the place because, well, becasue God said I did.
Hubby was actually taken somewhat aback, he literally backed up like he had married a crazy woman who was about to stab him with a cocktail fork, which was not really beyond the realm of possibility at all. It sounds a bit comical today, but I assure you, I was kind of scary and the prophets of old would have stopped preaching to take note.
I really have no idea where that, “prosper, thrive, age backwards, and grow younger and lovelier everyday…..” even came from, it is not in the bible, I was simply having a God moment, a rather powerful one, and I actually heard the Lord Himself say, “Yes, amen!”
So I just grabbed a hold of that promise and stood in it. Not only were we going to honor God in the midst of yuck, but we were also going to “prosper, thrive, age backwards, and grow younger and lovelier everyday….” with or without hubby’s help, regardless of where the kids went, and in spite of our circumstances.
And that is precisely what we’ve done. It’s been really good for my family too, because rather than focusing on them and their issues, I just focused on the Lord and got busy going about the business of, “growing younger.” It is quite a miracle, but really not so strange or unusual. Sometimes as wives and mothers we can begin to droop, as if the weight of the world is resting on our shoulders, and we can begin to live in an old pair of sweatpants, and our face has fallen, and we’ve just lost our sparkle. I have been there and done that, like let’s just lay here and eat cheetohs and watch reruns of House and wait to die…..
I have grown younger because in my 40’s I had grown older way before my time, and as that spiritual weight came off, the appearance of packing around too many years came off, too. I know 90 year olds who just glow, they sparkle, the Holy Spirit is in them and there is life and life abundant. Yes, the body starts to wear down and break more easily, but that spirit inside just glitters with a kind of eternal life, a twinkle in their eye and a skip in their step that is just unmistakable.
Lovely is a lovely word. It actually means to be, “delightfully loveable.” Whereas “beauty” is more of a physical thing, to be lovely actually means to elicit love, to evoke or draw out what is lovely.