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I love signs that say “warning, falling rocks,” Like, be on high alert for totally random things you have no control over, just falling out of the sky and crushing you. I suppose it would be even more ominous to just post a sign that said, “Relax, just pretend there aren’t any falling rocks.”

The state patrol makes me laugh sometimes. They will report something awful, like a tree falling on someone’s car and then say, “we urge people to be alert and to drive safely.” They can’t help it, they care, and it’s the only practical advice they even have to give. It’s just not politically correct to say,  “now is a really good time to reconcile with the Lord and get into a right relationship with Him.”

I get some emergency preparedness tips sometimes. One said, “remember, in an emergency, you can light a crayon.” Does anybody know why one might ever need to light a crayon? Does this discourage looters or something? Eww, I’d like to go rob that house, but it really smells like burnt crayon….

Most kids will say what they think their parents want to hear when they leave the house like, I’m going to the library to study and then I’ll be in youth group before eating my vegetables, brushing my teeth, going to bed at 8 pm. Most of my kids managed some version of that.

Not my youngest! Not quite sure what we did to that kid, but she seems to believe, if I don’t leave my family in a complete state of anxiety and panic, they might not think of me even once while I’m gone! She’s the youngest, they compete for attention sometimes, but mostly it’s my fault. I tried to arm her against danger. Now she has every imaginable, inventive horror story at her disposal and the power to use them to her advantage.

It’s her dad’s fault, too. Maybe he’s even worse than I am. Like, did you check the oil in your car and do you understand that raccoons can have rabies? No seriously, he said that once, because those two things clearly go together. Everyone knows that when you are driving into the city, one of the biggest dangers is all the people who pull over when their engine finally seizes up and then proceed to pet the rabid raccoons…..

We did this to you kiddo, and I am so sorry. A bit like the state patrol, we care and we want you to be careful. But no wonder you are now a smart alec with a sarcastic edge who likes to deliberately poke a finger in people’s anxiety. Come to think of it, that’s really not a bad life skill to have. Just saying…

Also, there’s a slight possibility that it really could just be genetic.

 

brown and black raccoon photo

Photo by anne sch on Pexels.com

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