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I’ve been really enjoying this book called Seven Longings of the Human Heart, by Mike Bickle with Deborah Hiebert. I keep changing the name to Secret Longings of the Heart, because it sounds like a charming romance novel.

It’s a small book, but there are many nuggets of wisdom in there that kind of capture what’s on my heart, why I started blogging about biology, faith, romance and intimacy.

So, growing up with dysfunctional atheism can be just like growing up with religiosity, with religion rather than relationship, with this shame based system of fear, power, and control. It’s an odd thing indeed, but I can often really relate to those who come from Christian cultians because I come from non-Christian cultians and our wounding is very similar.

Atheist evangelism will promptly declare they are just peacefully non believing while also endlessly insisting Christians are delusional, stupid, irrational, indoctrinated,  etc, etc. They often can’t see it, but those words are really abusive, they are what I call soul murder. You’re trying to murder someone’s soul by shaming them for the purpose of power and control. We’re supposed to share your fear of being labeled irrational and reject our faith so you can feel validated in your own.

I sometimes like to quip about deconvertees, you left the church, but you just took the bad with you and left behind the good! It’s kind of like how people sometimes will think they can just move across the country and solve all their problems. We call that “doing a geographical.” The problem being when you do move, you soon discover you’ve taken the same stuff and the same person with you.

The Lord will actually make you into a whole new creature if you let Him, rather than just being the same old creature now living in a new location.  That’s what a deconvertee really is, the same old person now wearing a different label, falsely believing they are somehow living in a different zip code.

Unfortunately there’s some real yuck within faith too, that often serves to murder people’s souls, to separate them from intimacy with our heavenly Father. Romance, intimacy,  love, in this context are not superficial things like Hallmark cards and flowers, I mean the intimacy of a relationship where you are assured you are loved, in fact the Lord actually delights in you, enjoys you, adores you. He is for you. You can trust in Him, you can count on Him. You can hang onto Him.

You are so incredibly loved. Now go out and share that love with others.

I’ve had some real breakthroughs in this area over the years, some huge revelations that were like light bulb moments. They changed my whole world. Once in the midst of anxiety, angst, misery, and woe, I suddenly felt the Lord laughing at me. Holy laughter, good humor. I’m not sure why, but until that very moment,  I had always assumed God was deadly serious about everything.  But it was unmistakable Holy laughter, and when I pulled back and looked at my situation later it really was kind of comical. Tragic, but downright funny, and my response was ridiculously hysterical, too.

While I was busy condemning myself for being unable to cope, the Lord was actually highly entertained by my antics, enjoying them even. If you’ve ever watched a toddler try to handle a piece of chocolate cake, good parents are not condemning, they are actually delighted, taking tons of pictures and laughing at the mess. Bragging about it on facebook. Look at my kid, she totally demolished this piece of cake and made a huge mess.

If that’s a human parent, how much greater is the Father’s love for us?

Which brings me to biology. We are biological beings made in the likeness of God and God is good. When Jesus came in human form, one thing He did was make being fully human a good thing, a Holy thing. Jesus was sin free and yet He laughed, He wept, He ate, He slept. He experienced what we experience. He felt what we feel. He did what we do and it was good. Fully human, wholly Divine. We too can walk in that image, follow in His footsteps.

We as created beings are good, because He said we are good, having such worth and value to Him, that He made a tremendous investment in us, a huge sacrifice. We are called to be kind to the merchandise, to respect His investment, to perceive ourselves and others as the apple of His eye.

Then sin. Then people. Then the world, the enemy, religiosity, scientism, abuse, post modernism, culture, politics, all these things come against us and we can just find ourselves lost, broken, feeling ashamed about who and what we are. Inadequate, not good enough, and often just pouring everything we can into the abyss of our soul…. except the truth of who Jesus Christ is and why He came.

One thing that really drives my faith is this keen awareness of how organized, orchestrated,  and how concerted the effort is to pick us off one by one, to isolate and separate us from the Father’s love. There is a real spiritual war going on that some cannot see, but the collateral damage is tangible enough.

I often follow a lot of stuff having to do with brain research, neurology, artifical intelligence, feminism, transhumanism. What is transhumanism, but a rejection of who and what we are, this perception that biology, the flesh so to speak, is inferior, inadequate, not good enough? Our desires to “evolve the human race,” to merge man and machine is a somewhat transparent attempt to reject our own biology, to slay the things that make us vulnerable and human.

Leaning into the Father’s love is actually an act of defiance, of rebellion against a world gone mad. That longing for Him, that awareness that the world really is mad, that something better exists, is innate to the human heart, it is a longing within us all.


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