I married a poor man. On purpose. He came from poor folks and he had no prospects. All he had was a yellow van with fuzzy dice and a velvet painting of dogs playing poker.
I married him because he had integrity, values, and humility. Authentic, he was the real deal, salt of the Earth. He was the best investment I ever made.
I come from wealth, although I grew up dumpster diving poor. Those who wrap themselves up in worldly things are not all they’re cracked up to be. Wealth is a burden believe it or not, it walls people off and insulates them from their own selves.
Appearances start to matter more than integrity. You can’t be vulnerable, you have to protect our stuff. You start to live a somewhat duplicitous life, presenting your best side to the world and tucking your real self, your skeletons, behind closed doors. Fancy people who live in this world often have a myriad of painful secrets and a suitcase full of pills to help them cope.
Wealth, power, money, these are status symbols the world teaches us to pursue. There’s a price to be paid however. You simply cannot serve two masters. I suppose a couple of prosperity ministers just rolled their eyes at me. It’s true however, you just can’t shove a camel through the eye of a needle.
Sometimes my husband doesn’t understand, he fears I married down. Oh no love, I married up. I cannot bear the myopic shallowness of that world, the torturous attempts to pour things and status into the abyss of one’s soul.
You learn things when you come from hard times, like what actually matters in life. You learn what you’re made of, you learn who you are, and you make no attempts to apologize for it. Wealth can pass away, but character lasts forever.
I married a poor man on purpose because I never trust those who try to impress me with things and status. When you strip those things away, you get right to the heart of the matter.
That’s what really matters.
******Repost
See, there's this thing called biology... 
“Wealth can pass away, but character lasts forever.” – Where’s the “love” button? great comment. Great post! Hope you don’t mind if I steal it…cuz I’m going to. 😉
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LOL, steal away. What’s not to like about a cat burglar who announces themselves? 😉
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🙂 Ummm….poor character? lack of self respect? no creativity? shall I go on? LOL.
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Tevye from ‘the Fiddler on the roof,’ sang ‘if I were a rich man,’ yada bada dada bada bing…..’
all the while, he was rich in his poorness.
Loved this piece. Bravo to ya.
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I struggle with wanting to give my kids everything for precisely that reason! You have to do without to appreciate the having. 🙂
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Love that line “…torturous attempts to pour things and status into the abyss of one’s soul.” perfect. Well posted IW.
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Sorry – “IB”
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Wow..your husband is so lucky having you in his entife life. Your story is seldom and you cannot hear it from somewhere but here, in your blog. I am happy for you and your husband.
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Reblogged this on Ann's Corner and commented:
This was the best choice 🙂
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I reblogged your post, because I did something similar in my life, and you have encouraged me to perhaps write about that choice one day 🙂
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Thank you for the reblog. 😉
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IB2:
Ha—but aren’t the Churchian Gamers always telling us that you women are ‘hypergamous’? LOL
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LOL, good point, Eric. Yes, I don’t get that idea at all. The only place I’ve ever seen women resembling anything hypergamous is on TV.
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IB2:
I’ve never seen it outside TV and movies either. Even women who chase rich guys usually ‘plateau’ once they’ve landed one, they don’t go looking for a richer guy.
It’s funny that the same Gameboyz who talk all the time about ‘hypergamy’ also complain about female thug-chasing. While the complaint is legitimate, it does seem to work against the idea that women always want ‘the bigger, better deal’ when it comes to men.
Of course, Gamers can’t grasp the concept of female fidelity, so they keep having to come with reasons to explain it away.
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You’re so right. The outright contradictions those guys promote are just off the wall. Women are allegedly driven to constantly move up the status ladder… while also climbing back down and chasing all the unemployed thugs.
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It’s a dual mating strategy, IB.
They HAVE to mate with thugs, then go back to their beta chumps. It’s biology yo!
Except for celebrities (or famous sports players).
They’ve got it all….especially old celebrities.
Let me offer a bunch of images of rich old celebrities for you.
See this old guy?
He’s boning this 20 year old. And not a 20 year old tube sock neither!
Has nothing to do with his fame and money, nooo….he’s so DPA (dynamic, passionate, authentic).
All he needs is that camera.
They’d still all want him if he was a homeless old guy because he is SO displaying the DPA!
Nothing says “authenticity” like a celebrity who makes a living pretending to be someone else (or playing some sport).
Haven’t seen you around in a while Eric. WB.
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I wish my wife thought like this ☻
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Although I like some of what you have to say, I disagree with the idea of promoting poverty as a badge of honour.
There is nothing courageous about wallowing in poverty just as there is nothing admirable about gaining wealth through the abuse of our earth or any of its people.
There is no honour in a young person having to sell their body and soul because there is no other option available. That is what poverty can do. That and much worse.
There is absolutely no shame in being wealthy or striving to become wealthy as long as that wealth is gained honestly, without harming others, and is shared with those less fortunate.
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Someone else made a similar comment. The thing is, there’s a huge difference between first world poverty and third world poverty. I’m speaking of first world poverty here, the kind where you have a roof over your head, running water, and food to eat.
“I disagree with the idea of promoting poverty as a badge of honour.”
In the first world however, I think we really should be promoting poverty as a badge of honour, because the vast majority of poor people are actually doing something honorable, doing their best to provide for themselves, to make their way in the world. Instead of honoring this struggle, we heap tons of abuse on people, declaring a “war on poverty,” labeling people at risk, underprivileged, acting as if people are to be pitied for their alleged failures.
Honour actually means to “regard with respect.” I believe we should promote respect for those who don’t have a lot of worldly goods. We’ve gone so far in the other direction, that what we’re actually doing now is shaming those who haven’t got a whole lot of wealth as if the absence of wealth somehow indicates inherent immorality.
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I am also speaking about first world poverty and I still disagree
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That’s okay, you’re free to disagree. No doubt you are simply perceiving this from another angle.
I would hope however, that we would agree that allowing the poor to hold onto their small badges of honor is probably far more encouraging and helpful then trying to shame them for being poor.
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Yes there are honourable people but the honour needs to go to its rightful owner, the person who is trying and hoping and dreaming, not the one who has such a sense of entitlement that he feels he has the right to steal from others he judges as being less honourable simply because they like to have a nice garden or nice clothes or nice house.
I maintain that poverty itself is something every society should be ashamed of. The poor person should be respected, yes, but not simply because he is poor. That is no better than admiring someone simply because they are wealthy or famous or powerful.
A poor person, as much as a wealthy person, should be honoured for his character, what he has tried to do and for what he has offered. It all comes down to percentages I guess. 50% of 5 cents not much but if it is given with good intensions then it is priceless. If a poor person offers a kind word or a song or a helping hand that too is priceless. Eventually it all adds up to a better world.
As for the nitty gritty like feeding the hungry and sheltering the homeless, that should be the first priority of government.
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“The poor person should be respected, yes, but not simply because he is poor.”
Well, except from a religious perspective, blessed be the poor. There really are some powerful spiritual principles behind the idea of not perceiving people’s worth and value as being related to their wealth and status.
“As for the nitty gritty like feeding the hungry and sheltering the homeless, that should be the first priority of government.”
Something that would be absolutely lovely, is if the government would go back to creating and supporting the kind of environment where people could actually provide for themselves. That again speaks to human dignity. People should have the right and the means to do for themselves without having to perceive themselves as bits of collateral damage with no other options but relying on the benevolence of government.
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” if the government would go back to creating and supporting the kind of environment where people could actually provide for themselves.”
If only!
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“He was the best investment I ever made.”
There’s no greater love in the earthly realm, than discovering this kind of love. As you said, you married up.
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Pingback: I Married a Poor Man – (via See, There’s This Thing Called Biology) | Stolen Blog Posts
I so love this piece
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This post is gold; certainly reflects the right priorities with whom to marry!
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This is so beautiful, I wish you all the joys that money can’t buy and all joys that it can!
Love,
N
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Sounds very uncharacteristic of a woman. You’re probably the last woman who did that. Question: though you married a poor man he had to prove he loves you quantitatively didn’t he?
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The other day I was reflecting on how that, when my wife and I married, we were dirt poor but never felt we were poor. We always seemed to have enough and made do with what we had. It was not a badge of honor, as one asserted above, but was simply enjoying our time with each other. Money and things did not seem to matter.
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Us too.
Great post. 🙂
I kind of feel sorry for people who start out with money.
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Great points, IB. French mystic Ludovicus Blosius once said, “Gratitude in adversity is the most beautiful and precious crown of the soul.” As it’s also been said, “wealth conceals, adversity reveals” what’s most important in life.
I believe you have chosen wisely. 🙂
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