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“Entire Church Body Suffers Heat Stroke As Thermostat Set Slightly Above 72 Degrees”-Babylon Bee

 

“…Dumping water bottles and iced coffees on themselves, congregants attempted in vain to stave off the effects of the desert-like environment, according to rescue crews who arrived on the scene after a brave usher was able to call authorities from his nearly melted phone.”

Ha! Yes indeed.

First a disclaimer, this post in no way applies to my husband who is an exception to my lament, who is currently scaring the heck out me 3 stories up on a torch down roof. It is black, in the full sun, and roofers are allowed to complain anytime the temp passes 50 degrees. Things like digging ditches are hot work work no matter what the temp is.

However, the rest of you are without excuse, in fact you’re just comedic fodder. You’re also a good example of the impact of mediated reality on unfiltered brains. My kids, my mother, my co-inhabitants, “oh, it’s going to be so, so hot today, we’re going to have to keep the drapes closed on the front of the house and eat light and remember to drink lots of water, oh where’s the fan…..”

People, it’s 47 degrees outside right now. If we are truly blessed, we shall hit a high of…..72 degrees today. You can’t possibly be dying of heat stroke. Heavy breathing and panting is simply not allowed. Also, “I don’t like to work in this kind heat” is totally off the table….none of you work at all, ever. Let’s not blame the heat for that.

Mediated reality. You know why everyone does this? They watch the news, they listen to the heat advisories, they create totally imaginary scenarios in their heads, that just do not apply to where we live at all.

Don’t even get me started on global warming, the impending drought, the desert like conditions, the food shortages……just don’t, I really will go crazy. We are not suffering man-made climate change, we are suffering seasonal climate change, AKA, summer.

Also, not to put too fine of a point on it, but we are not really “suffering” at all. We are sheltered here, in paradise really, blissfully unaware of what “heat” is even like. “But I’m dying here…”Β Truly, I sometimes wish you’d just get on with it already. These death throes are going to last well into September.

 

doomsday

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