Sometimes people can have the funniest definitions of “good” and “bad,” sometimes amusing and sometimes funny as in odd, as in where in the heck did you learn that? Our own definitions of “good” and “bad” are so often filled with biases, tainted by past experiences, and often have little basis in reality.
Somebody wise once told me, make sure you do something bad everyday. One act of defiance a day. Deliberately. You’re going to anyway, you might as well chose wisely and really enjoy it. Needless to say, this does not include wiping out a small country or smiting all your enemies in one fell swoop. I am speaking of the coulds and shoulds and ought to’s, and all the little things we do because we think it is mandatory and required.
I once brought home two cans of coke and two snickers bars and drug hubby into the bathroom so we could enjoy them in private. Yes, quite pathetic, I know, to be hiding from your own children and gobbling down goodies, but if you have ever had kids, you will know that it is often their needs first and you must alter your own behavior to set a good example, and also that they tend to eat all the candy and slobber all over half-drunken cans of soda. It was a bit funny because my husband is the kinder one, he is always thinking of what is fair to the kids. “This is very bad, we cannot eat candy without giving the kids any!” Oh, but we can! Parents need to rebel once in a while, too. “What if they find out?” So what if they do? Do we answer to our own children now?
It is a surprisingly fun and a fond memory, that also really drove home the idea that our kids don’t come first, we do, our marriage, our relationship. Kids will grow up to leave you some day. Hopefully. If you can ever get rid of them…
There was an amazing woman I once looked after who did everything right and did it all cheerfully. Broken pelvis. She would take her medicine right on time, do all her exercises enthusiastically, and I would pour words of encouragement over her, tell her how good she was. One day, she got frustrated with me and shrieked, “I’m so tired of being good! I am always good. Just for once I want to be bad!” It was cute because I so understand. Trying to figure out what bad things you can do with a broken pelvis is not so easy. The closest thing to trouble I could come up with was to go spy on this yacht that had come in and try to figure out what the people on it were up to. We were parked and pleasantly engaged in this pursuit with a pair of binoculars, when this fight broke out right in front of us. The harbor master arrived and eventually the cops. She was quite delighted to be in the midst of so much trouble and of course, I told her the whole thing was entirely her fault.
Everybody’s spirit craves a bit of trouble now and then.
****Repost from 2015