Oh, amen to this, with much thanksgiving and diligent prayers, the Lord has shone a light where I asked for some light to shine!
A brief excerpt on previously recommending Bancroft, “That has changed…..We were criticized by one or two rather fanatic type people for endorsing someone who held to a theology like Bancroft does, but we decided to continue to recommend him and his materials on Domestic Abuse because they were so helpful to us and many others.”
Well, with all good humor, fanatics R us, I suppose. Let me say something about those who “hold a theology like Bancroft does.” He holds no theology at all, he is an atheist. My investment in this issue is that I genuinely believe the bible holds the key to healing, that things like child abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence are not extra-biblical issues that must be handled outside of scripture, or outside the context of Jesus Christ. He is the Great Physician for a reason. There is nothing victim blaming, oppressive, or demeaning in scripture itself, although those words are sometimes twisted and misused. The solution is not to dump scripture, but rather to dump those who twist and misuse it.
Allow me a moment of solipsistic self-absorption here, but it is so, so hard for me to trust that people will listen, that the Body of Christ, that people in “the church” as a whole, will hear me when I send up a red flag, when I blow the whistle like a canary in a coal mine. It’s an ancient trigger, one of not being heard and listened to, one that still shrieks in a panic sometimes, that fears people will walk head first into danger.
One that dreads not being believed because not being believed is the norm.
That should come as no surprise to anyone who has walked through abuse issues. It creates a vulnerability, an easily exploited weakness, because we are starved for the affirmation, the validation we did not get. Unfortunately there are some people who can prey off of this weakness, who can tickle our ears. They know how to tell you what you want to hear, but it is not your well-being, not your healing that motivates them.
Some of them actually work on the secular side of things and some of them on the churchian, but I can say with absolute certainty, your healing is not their primary goal.
I walked through a war as child, a civilian one, but those who were the most helpful to me, those who ministered to me the best, were veterans of actual wars, often some very wounded and broken men who had asked the same hard theological questions. Hard theology, as in strong meat, and not tickled ears and things that simply feel good. God bless those men, they pointed me to the Lord and they pointed me towards healing.
That is yet another reason why abuse should never become a gender war.