Bit perturbed to find my blog on yet another “Christian doormat” list and referral. For those who don’t know, a Christian doormat is pretty much any Christian lady blogger who does not subscribe to pop culture feminism and supports traditional marriage. Extra credit points if you’ve ever mentioned the dreaded “S” word.
It’s actually a great honor to get on one of these lists, it means you’ve been uppity and stood for something. (The idea of an uppity doormat is a bit disturbing and likely to give me nightmares. Also a bit of an oxymoron, but never mind all that.)
However, it’s a harmful stereotype, a false narrative. It’s designed to convince people that faith in Jesus Christ is about oppressing women and advocating for female doormattery. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
It’s harmful for another reason too, it victim blames, it implies that women who are submissive in any way, invite abuse. Doormats, as in please wipe your feet on me. Someone could be lying across a doorway, but that does not justify, encourage, or excuse, abuse. (If you actually are lying across a doorway, you really need Jesus Christ because He heals, redeems, restores, and offers you a hand up.)
We have a terrible time in this country confusing “soft” with “weak”, or “submission” with “cowardice.” Or “asking for help,” with “selfishness.” Or, “domination” with “destruction.” I read a tragic suicide note the other day that combined all those elements. These shifting definitions and resulting societal chaos are taking a terrible toll on men. Depression and suicide rates have sky rocketed.
So, stereotypes of “Christian doormats” tend to drive men away from faith too, men who may really need a hand up. In general, men tend to object to the idea of being perceived as a doormat even more than I do, so less likely to ask for help when they really do need it, more resistant to being perceived as weak, more likely to confuse submission with cowardice. Submission in this context meaning, “I need help” or “I can’t do it alone.” That’s not cowardice, that’s bravery.
Faith actually takes courage, strength, boldness. It is not for the faint of heart (although it’s really good for reviving your heart when you do grow faint.)
Can’t fix all these false cultural narratives, nor can I help people to think critically. Heck, I can’t even control the lists I find my blog on. But I can tell you that Christians are not doormats, that faith does not demand you check your brains at the door, and that Truth is a person, not an ideology or a set of dictates.
See, there's this thing called biology... 
They complain that we are supposed to submit to our husbands, but I have never heard anyone complain that husbands are supposed to love their wives, like Christ loves the Church that he was willing to die for.
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I am supposing that you are referring to women when you say “They complain” and your comment is only about women’s behavior. If so, it is even more interesting is that, although it is easy to find complaints by women about submitting to their husbands, it is exceedingly rare to find a husband complaining that God commands him to love his wife. Why is there such a difference in attitude?
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I don’t mean woman in general, I mean non-Christian feminist. One of the excuses for not becoming a Christian is that they think that woman are supposed to be slaves to their husbands. Which mischaracterizes the situation. When the man that you submit to loves you so much, that he is willing to die for you, it isn’t anything like slavery. Since he loves you that much, he often submits to you.
Not to mention the fact that being told that you have to be willing to die for a person, is a bigger command than submitting to someone, but people in general, either don’t know, or don’t care about the sacrifices that men have to make in a great marriage.
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wzippler, unfortunately, many Christian women have been influenced greatly by feminism, although they do not realize it. For example, there are many who believe in egalitarian marriage, which I would say is characterized by “mutual submission” theology. Others would deny the influence of feminism but it is clearly present.
Yes, the commands for husbands are actually greater than those for wives, but the focus instead seems to be on the perceived subjugation of women in the Biblical commands for wives.
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Keep stirring that pot, keep standing up for truth. The delicious irony of it all is that it takes way more to speak truth in love than it does to go along with popular culture!
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Amen!!!! I’m standing up with you my sister in Christ-or rather, I’m laying down beside you!!!
Love all the doormats BTW!
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The world understands only power that can be grasped with one’s own hands. Those who are in Christ *are given* a better power, not one that we grasp as our own, but one that proceeds forth from us; one that is ever directed outward from us, towards the good of our neighbour.
Submission (yeah, I’ll say it!) is not a dirty word. Submission is simply a word to describe the character that our love for each other ought to take – one that, in surrender, ever seeks the highest good for the other.
Not just our spouses.
Not just the people we like.
EVERY other.
We are to consider ourselves as if we were (not that we ARE, but AS IF we are) LESS worthy than every other.
That’s the standard of live that we are to have for everyone. No exceptions.
I’m sorry, but 50/50 “equality” doesn’t cut it. You’re still 50% short no matter how you look at it.
That’s where surrender comes in. It takes the posture that in this equation of showing love to Other, *I* am the one who comes up short. I don’t make demands that Other make up for their shortfall, I focus on my own.
I *can* however, ask very sweetly 😉
One of the greatest gifts that my husband has given me is that I can go to him with ANYTHING – my wants, my hopes, my needs and longings; I can even – dare I say it? – surrender my deepest fears with him, Things that I would rather keep hidden in the dark. But because he loves me, his love shows forth in a surrender of it’s own, back towards me. Whatever I bring to him, he finds a way to care for my need in love.
That’s not being a doormat.
That’s simply knowing where true power lies.
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Amen! Good truths shared again IB. The way of the world (meaning those who do not accept, and live for, Jesus Christ as Saviour, and make Him Lord), is so opposite the way of God.
God’s way is Love, as He showed in providing a way of Salvation through His Son Jesus Christ, Messiah, after mankind had messed everything up, including individual lives by sinning.
God has provided a way for us to BE His people, without having to DO a number of things trying to prove our worth, which we could never do.
Submission to God is said to be so hard, by many, because we are full of pride. Too many want to be a god of their lives, situation, and family, and will never relinquish that hold, or that belief.
God definitely does not make Christ Followers doormats. He fills us with His Spirit, giving us the Fruit of Love-
Galatians 5:22-23
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
God also gives us His Strength to fulfill all He calls each individual to accomplish, because He has a calling, and a purpose for each of us.
Ephesians 2:10
10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
On our own we can never complete all God has for us. In His Strength we can do all things.
Philippians 4:13
13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
We are also to be assisting others who need a hand up, and who may be having difficulties in life. On our own, we would not have Strength, or the insight, discernment, wisdom to do as God knows best needs to be done.
Galatians 6:2
2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Oh. Oh, sorry for the ramble IB, I just got going and Spirit thoughts came. Only planned 1st two sentences originally. 🙂
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You seem to have readers with brains, wit, and strength.
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Dang Memi, can you let me know what blog is mistaken about you?
I am up for speaking the truth to them in love!
Also, pls. make a comment to me “over there”, I want to send you a link that I won’t leave up for long.
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Thank you so much for that link, A-dad! It brightened my day and really helps me to target my prayers.
Don’t worry about the website links, that’s just a trifle, not even worth the effort. I’m chuckling here, because all my favorite people seem to be on a list somewhere.
There is that Book of the Lamb list, too. That’s my favorite. 🙂
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And here I have been admiring your courage and independence. I notice you don’t write much about your desire to “find yourself.” You seem pretty stable to me. Seriously, there are so many lost women trying to find themselves. Well, I am happy to have found the IB you are projecting. It is a bit trite to say “I found myself in Jesus” but it is true. Knowing him shows one a lot about knowing themselves. A bit risky. I sometimes have to make a change or two or twenty. But I don’t lose myself while I’m doing it. You got nerve, lady, keep dishing it out. 😀
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Glad to see that others are noticing you taking a stand. We need more people doing so!
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Some people submit to gain love. That attempt at manipulation allows us to be manipulated, and it does not work.
For the sake of the person we love, we submit because we are loved.
When we submit to God and give him our all, we cannot be manipulated.
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Good point! I’ll have to blog about that some more, it can be a complicated thing.
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Yikes, the world is so darn blind.
It’s useful to note that the exemplar of God’s creation, Adam (one would presume the first model was the intended ideal), was found to need another person suited to partner with him. And that even the best of men find their purpose and life direction most often when they find a mate. We are designed to need help!
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I like what you said, I like how you said it, and I love your doormat illustrations. I will probably steal the social interaction one for my screensaver slideshow. J.
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This introvert liked the social interaction one, too.
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I read something while studying John 10:7-10 recently that sheds light on Christian doormats: “[In these verses] Jesus probably referred to the kind of sheepfolds used in the summer. These had stone walls, and the gateway was merely an opening. At night, the shepherd lay down in the gateway, so the shepherd himself served as the gate. No one could enter or exit the sheepfold except through him.” Christian doormat? Absolutely.
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What doormat lists are you talking about? It would probably crack me up to read them. My blogs would probably fall under those categories, as I am a traditional housewife and submissive.
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Pingback: Sexism! Oppression! | See, there's this thing called biology...
IB, yes. You had me rolling on the floor laughing. Sorry, this time I just had to spell it out. Yes, the “S” word gets a lot of bad rap and I lay that solidly at the door of feminism. Prior to 1970, while the word may not have gotten a lot of usage other than in sermons, women did, in effect, live that way. The large majority of women saw men as the head of the household and it was good for families. Up until the sexual revolution, women actually still promise to (*gasp*) “obey” in their marriage vows. On the other hand, I think a man promising “all my worldly goods I do thee endow” is a pretty good trade-off. Believe or not, most women did not feel oppressed by it. Most women wanted to be Suzy Homemaker until Gloria Steinem convinced them it was a good thing to go to work, leave your kids with strangers and have to compete with men in everything. Oh, and become vulnerable to being a REAL doormat–i.e., sexual harassment in the workplace, becoming vulnerable to sexual assault, etc, etc.
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