Just once, I’d like to phone them up and hear,
“Lady, we have no flippin clue what is wrong with your TV and internet. Cue the Twilight Zone music, because what you are describing isn’t even possible. Could you be living in a vortex or something? Have you considered just praying over your internet connection?”
“Technically it’s simply not possible for you to lose the sound on five TV channels while half a dozen others are now in Spanish. That simply defies the laws of the universe. I really have no idea what corporate is doing, beyond just completely messing with your head. Have you got enemies working over there or something?”
Alas, the struggle is real.