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A big hazard of my job is burnout. One must always be on guard for too many things starting to rot your soul. Soul rot is a terrible thing, it’s worse than toenail fungus.

I spent the first half of the month wondering if all the crazy people had been infected by some yet unknown brain parasite, and the second half of the month actually wishing a good amoeba would take them all out. That’s burnout.

Health care, so I’ve spent my life actually working my way down the corporate ladder finally landing on the bottom, always trying to figure out how to make it work because I love what I do and I like people. Maybe if I reduce my hours, maybe if do home care, maybe if I just spend the rest of the week building myself back up ….

I just can’t do it anymore, it’s rotting my soul. Bureaucracy, red tape, government regulations, insurance requirements. The never-ending drumbeat, corporate says, corporate says, corporate says. I’m not caring for people anymore, I’m serving corporate.

Today I said, “corporate might just need to stick it in their ear.” I could have murdered someone right in front of them and they would not have found that nearly as shocking. In fact, there’s probably a pink form for that sort of thing. It’s failing to deify “corporate” that terrifies everyone. Heresy, pure heresy.

Corporate must always justify its own importance too, make it’s usefulness known, prove how indispensable it is, so every day is some reprimand, some criticism, some write-up, some phone call.

Abuse from patients is one thing, that’s to be expected once in a while, but when the bureaucracy starts treating you like a child, like someone too stupid to think for yourself, it’s just too hard to do my job. “Corporate” isn’t even a real person, it’s just this bit of artificial intelligence in someone’s imagination that has been granted the power and authority to suck the common sense right out of us.

Women, don’t even get me started about women and the games we play, the power tripping, the control issues, the back stabbing. We’re on the bottom of the ladder here folks, which position and social status are we actually competing for?

I know I’m in trouble when I’ve gone and nicknamed each one of them after the Seven Deadly Sins.

The culture doesn’t help either, the politics, the way I start to feel like I’m enabling something dark and ugly and all wrong. If someone is depressed from being chronically unemployed due to addiction problems, are we really helping by putting them on disability, prescribing them opiates, and sending someone in to check their blood pressure once in a while?

A diabetic that won’t regulate their blood sugar, is it really helpful for me to go the store and buy all their pepsi, cupcakes, and reeses peanut butter cups? You have to, they have poor circulation and can’t do their own shopping. Except…. they now have poor circulation because they  have absolutely no reason to walk anywhere anymore.

The un-needed medical supplies, oh my goodness. Medicare, medicaid, like a book of the month subscription to whatever you want, like a kid in a  candy store. One guy actually had an entire case of catheters, female catheters. I’ve never even seen that done before, but I got a bad feeling here, as in men and women tend to have very different plumbing. Please don’t try this at home…..

I’m trapped somewhere between, “I just can’t morally do things that are going to make people sicker” and  “corporate says,” and that is just a war I know cannot win. When the World Goes Mad, the Mad Take a Leave.

fine

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