Quite ungraciously, as in I still believe the fruits there are rotten, the love and mercy of Christ is not evident, and pride and arrogance rule the day. However, there are some pearls even in the bottom of a cesspool, as in Dalrock is quite right about a few things in this post,
Our culture has done exactly that, we’ve gone about our business, all backwards. Or bass akwards, if you prefer. We people have away of inverting the truth, so we become a bit like kids on a playground hanging upside down and then wondering why everything is not right side up.
So romantic love has indeed become a moral force as in, but do you love him? Because if you love him, or her, or it, or your dog even, whatever you are doing must be okay, moral, ethical, the right course of action.
Conversely, but I don’t love him, is then quickly translated into sin, immorality, as if to say, now my marriage itself is immoral because it is not aligned with my feelings. Well,if it is not aligned with your feelings, get it aligned with your feelings.
I am not a divorce shamer by any means, oh but for the grace of God there go I, no seriously, all in good humor, you have no idea how much I empathize there. However, my desire in life is to actually strengthen marriage, to show people what is possible when we change our perspectives and attitudes, right ourselves on the playground so to speak, so we can see more clearly.
I’m a big fan of romance, fairytales, true love, following your heart, and I think all of those things can be the fruit of healthy marriages. Marriage can be a joyous thing indeed, for both people. Marriage should never be where people go to die, along with love, romance, and sexuality. Sadly it often is, and even sadder, it’s often perceived that way by people who aren’t even married. That is false, untrue, and we become the recipients of our own low expectations and confused thinking.
Back to flipping things right side up, “do you love it” or “do you not love it” should never be our marker for morality, our evidence of a moral force at work. I love chocolate, caffeine, lazing around in the sun, but these things are not moral just because I love them. Conversely some of the things I dislike can be very good for me.
One of the tricks in life, one of the ways to find contentment, is to align your feelings with God’s will. There’s an old song, “love the one you’re with” and while some of those lyrics maybe problematic, I just wish to say, infuse your own marriage with love, romance, fairy tales. If you aren’t feeling it, get yourself feeling it. Do not ever allow, but do I love him to become your moral marker or standard for success in marriage. We control the vertical and the horizontal, we produce those feelings in our own selves.
Our failure to understand that truth has a whole lot to do with so many of the cultural problems we see all around us, from love, romance, marriage, all the way to politics.