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Okay Boris, here’s the deal. We’re going to have to breakup. They’re on to us.  No more secret rendezvous, no more dancing by candlelight before gorging ourselves on ….fake news.

It’s not you, it’s totally me.  This cloak and dagger stuff is just too stressful. I simply cannot go on like this. Please don’t get the wrong idea, this has nothing to do with Dimitri. Dimitri is the farthest thing from my mind. I’m not even thinking of Dimitri. Dimitri who?

We risk exposure and it’s just gotten too dangerous. After prowling around for hours in my hip boots and waders, at great personal risk, I have learned of their top-secret, clandestine, covert plans. They were published in the New York Times and the Washington Post, secretly hidden there I assume because no one ever reads those papers. I understand that, if I had not been wearing hip waders myself, I could have gotten some newsprint on me or broken a nail or something.

Sorry Boris, but they’re clearly coming after to you. I really have no idea why. Crimes of passion perhaps? Jealousy?

It was bad enough that I had to take a couple of aspirin and have a lay down to stop my brain from chasing it’s own tail, endlessly muttering words like “top secret,” “clandestine” and “covert.” Let me tell you, this is the most “transparently covert” administration ever. Or perhaps it should be “covertly transparent?” Regardless, who does that? Who releases the top secret covert plans…..to every major news paper in the country?

“Covert”, it means, not openly acknowledged or displayed, secret, furtive, stealthy, backstairs, hidden, concealed, private, undercover, a definition now forever mangled and perverted in the annals of history. They have stolen yet another word, Boris.

It is all good, we shall simply fall back on the second definition of the word “covert,” (of a woman) married and under the authority and protection of her husband. 

Ah ha! Now tell me God doesn’t have a marvelous sense of humor! Even without Boris I still get to be a “covert,” (ahem, not to be confused with a consort, which is something entirely different.)


***If anyone can make heads or tails out of why exactly the US is announcing our intention to launch cyber-revenge against Russia, do tell.