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Columbia University Distributes Microaggression Whistles To Student Body

Just a bit of amusing satire from the Babylon Bee. For those who don’t know, the Babylon Bee is genuine fake news. I suppose “genuine fake news,” is an oxymoron, but then so too is “genuine news,” at least in this day and age.

Allow me to indulge in a  rare moment of self-pity here, Tis the Season and all, but I feel terribly cheated out of my proper share of microaggressions. All I ever seem to get is just aggression/aggression. On rare occasions I am blessed with some passive aggression, but most people are simply not that clever. Nope, mostly I just get plain old aggression/aggression. Unmistakable, cut and dry.

I should very much like to have one of these whistles, however. Well actually I’d prefer a taser, but there are some questionable legalities around just zapping people. It would be great fun to just jump out of my car and start blowing my whistle, “Foul! Total foul, I have been microaggressed, I tell you!”

There was a lady who insisted on leaning into her horn yesterday when I was clearly pinned in by a dozen or so cars ahead of me. It would have been great fun to just stop right there and start blowing on my whistle, “Time out! Unnecessary roughness! Foul!”