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“Killer Clowns” happens to be my number one search term this week. Once again, I’d like to thank Google for thinking of me. It would be quite lovely if those algorithms would point people this way who are searching for something more positive than “insane women,” “killer clowns,” and “fungal infections.”

It’s all good. There’s no such thing as bad press, so allow me to try to solve all your problems. First off, if you have an insane woman, I can’t help you. You picked her. Take responsibility! I hope you aren’t the one who made her crazy, but regardless, my advice is to love her. Crazy women need love too and the odds are pretty good you aren’t perfect yourself.

For fungal infections, I am not a doctor. Neither is Google. You should see a doctor and make sure you know what you are dealing with. At our house a solution of apple cider vinegar and water cures and prevents everything except bones sticking out. We have Obamadon’tcare, which is part of the reason I am insane. I really did read all 600 pages of it and I’ve never recovered. That literary masterpiece belongs in the Smithsonian with a Surgeon General’s Warning attached to it.

As to killer clowns yes, quite weird. In the olden days we loved clowns, they were just circus entertainers. Along came author Stephen King, John Wayne Gacy, and some dinking around with the dark things, and now we have killer clowns running around. What can I say, don’t open the door on things you don’t understand. Now we have an entire generation of kids scared to death of clowns and people think the circus in scary.

I was speaking to a woman with some cognitive challenges the other day and she told me she hated clowns. I assumed she thought they were scary, so she surprised me with her answer. She said they had disappointed her. I asked her what she meant and she said, “when I was a little kid, I thought clowns were born that way, like a birth defect. They let me down.”

I didn’t even laugh. There’s something poignant and powerful about a little girl who once had her bubble burst and realized she’d been betrayed and deceived.

“They wear make up and their stupid little noses are made out of rubber,” she told me and than I did laugh because she was just dripping with such resentment and disgust.

“Clowns in the asylum” is simply a term I often use to describe this mad world we’re living in. I’m going to have to remember that some of them “wear make up and their stupid little noses are made out of rubber.” Cheers me up immensely.

clowns

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