You know how geese fly in a V-formation, with that one guy in the apex breaking the wind? They must rotate that position, because it is the coldest and the wind is the most resistant, and if they do not move over periodically, that point guy’s beak will freeze and fall off.
I have been on the front lines of some pretty horrendous spiritual warfare for most of my life, both of this world and not of this world. In the tangible physical world, there has been such despair, addiction, and what I call poverty of spirit, learned helplessness and despair all around me. Grief, dysfunction, turmoil, a world devoid of hope.
That crisis state, that being right in the thick of things, can have a very addictive quality all of its own. We are the kind of people who work in emergency rooms and crisis centers and I think that adrenaline rush helps to bring us a sense of calm and of purpose.
Just the same, God has been ever so persistently leading me away from the front lines, to a softer and gentler place. My beak is in danger of freezing off and I am being retired off the front lines. I know this because He told me in the midst of a storm of such epic proportions, an attack really, that was far more than I could handle, that spanned months. It was horrendous, harsh, brutal…..but there He was in an instant and there were angels all around, and His presence was so felt, His rescue, His intervention, that it left me thoroughly rattled, but in a good way, in the best way possible.
Being still and hearing His voice can be challenging to say the least, but it is especially challenging if you do not like what He is saying. All in good humor here, but a few times I have even tried to argue scripture with God Himself. “Nope, I hear what you’re telling me God, but your Word says right here….” The lack of logic there cracks me up, but I must admit, I have rather foolishly tried to explain God’s word…..to Him.
The other thing I tend to do to try to resist what God is telling me, is to look for a physical cause. I may live in the spiritual a lot, but my feet are firmly planted in this world. This last encounter of the God-kind was so profound, so clear….I promptly decided I must have a brain tumor or something, and had an MRI.
I’m laughing at myself here, but having run out of scriptural arguments and ruled out a brain tumor, I eventually surrendered to the Truth. God wants me to change, God is leading me in another direction. I do not know where we are going, but I know it is kinder and gentler than where I’ve been, and I know that it is a good place, that it is for my benefit.
It feels uncomfortable, unfamiliar, new charted territory, but His voice is so strong, so powerful. The other day He told me, “Leave it be. Walk away,” and I about jumped out of my skin, and looked around to see if anyone else had heard those words, but I complied and it felt wonderful and I knew I had done the right thing.
I really do not know where I am going, it is a bit like stumbling around in the dark, but I do know that God is lighting the path before me, one little flicker at a time, so I cannot really see what is around the corner, but only where my next steps are going to fall. It is a bit like learning to walk all over again. A little scary, but it sure is better than having your beak freeze and fall off.
******Repost from November 2015