I needed some frivolity, life has been a bit dark, so the other day I ate lunch outside during a rare sun break and decided to people watch.
Oh heck, I’ll be honest here, I really needed a sadistic bliss hit, to watch some people suffering more than I am, a gleeful moment that would spark my dark humor. Right on schedule, God provided. Trust me, He knows how to take care of his own and those secret desires of our heart, well, He already knows. I admit, it is not very noble of me to want to watch someone suffer, but I mean that in the gentlest of ways.
Like I said, God delivered in the form of two baby boomers out registering people to vote. They caught my attention when they came up to try to register me. I am already registered, but my efforts to communicate this, well, it was if my words just fell on deaf ears. We can help you fill out the forms, we even have translators if English is a problem for you. I just sighed patiently and resisted the urge to say, Listen up ladies, English is my first language, I was practically born speaking it and I suspect I know a whole lot more about filling out forms and how politics work than you do!
Than I began to doubt, to wonder if I really wanted to brag about my expertise in filling out endless forms and obsessing over politics. I mean seriously, this is how I waste my time? Is that really brag-worthy? So wisely I just bit my tongue, and then I poured it on very thick, I tried some empathy. “This is a terrible year to be out registering people to vote,” I said, “I empathize with anyone brave enough to do it.”
This was not well received, my people skills seeming to have failed me, so they quickly moved on to another target who happened to be a man far more vocal than I am, who was apparently extremely displeased about the coming election. He also seemed to only know one four letter word which he used for all parts of his speech, a noun, a verb, an adverb…….
You caught me, I started choking on my turkey sandwich and snorting a giggle now and then, while I listened to him venting his spleen, bile and all.
The next target was a woman I vaguely know with some, shall we say, issues. I tried so hard to discourage them, shaking my head, trying to communicate non verbally, my sadistic streak just failing me at that moment, but they completely ignored me and approached her anyway. She listened politely for a few moments and then began shirieking at them, “if you ever try to contact me again I’ll get a restraining order! I’ll see you in jail. I hate you FBI people. You spy on me all the time.” Than she launched into a tirade about what they could tell our presidential candidates, her personal message to them both.
They all suddenly looked back at me as if I were a spy or something, eavesdropping on this top-secret conversation. What could I do, I simply lifted my hands up in surrender and shrugged.
It got worse from there on out, this being the 9th circuit of hell and all, and us having a whole lot of outspoken characters more than happy to give you a piece of their mind…. or to vent their hostility towards the world in general, most life problems being caused by either our inept government or a vast conspiracy orchestrated by assorted alien lizard overlords.
It was highly entertaining and I was a late coming back from lunch, now thoroughly comforted by the fact that no matter how bad life gets, at least I am not a baby boomer out trying to register people to vote in 2016.