S0, it’s been a rough week. One of my coworkers got hit by a car and she’s critical. If she survives, her life will be forever different. Sadly, working as a caregiver can be a dangerous job, very low pay, very little appreciation, and sometimes people back right over over you, metaphorically and literally. We often quip, “we go where angels fear to tread.” To add insult to injury, near death experiences are very expensive and when you’re barely surviving financially anyway, it’s an insurmountable challenge.

My baby sister who has been been in a meth induced psychosis since forever, managed to get herself kicked out of her housing. I have had peace for the past couple of years knowing she wasn’t on the streets, not feeling as if I have to dread that 2 am phone call from the morgue. Now I’m back to not knowing, to trying to fight the dread, to think positively about a situation that really is more like trying to polish a turd.

A guy we have been praying for, for a long time, died in jail this weekend. Likely suicide, but around these parts, who knows. My sister was once married to his brother.

I don’t do so well with waste, with futility and stupidity, and addiction is all about the waste, the futility and senselessness. I have a hard time when bad things that didn’t have to happen, happen under our own hand, often with devastating consequences. If I ever figure out why we are often our own worse enemies, I’ll let you know.

I’m a baby savior, with a tiny “s,” as in always trying to save people, mostly from their own selves, an often futile and powerless position to be in. One thing I’ve learned, you sure don’t want to try it without a Great Big Savior standing right behind you. Life can be short, harsh, and brutal. I don’t recommend going it alone.