I speak mostly of the internet, the way people soon avoid the issue being discussed, take everything personally, and descend into offense, as if they themselves were being targeted and attacked. I blame our culture, political correctness, and the endless melodrama to be found on reality TV. The personal IS SO NOT political.
However, personalizing everything, relating it to our own feelings, is also something that commonly will afflict women. We are feeling creatures, but the urge to personalize things too much is often related to wounding. As gently as I possibly can, this is something I’d like to see women healed of, mostly because it is a victim behavior that can cause us undo grief. There is tremendous security and safety to be found in cultivating the ability to depersonalize things. I have a saying, “if it doesn’t belong to you, don’t pick it up.”
Men engage in it too, but with much less frequency. For the most part they have an easier time compartmentalizing and depersonalizing. All in good fun here, but that is why you will sometimes see them get into a big fight and the next moment they are buying one another drinks. Do women do that? Not so much, 6 months later we are still shooting daggers at one another.
There’s another reason I’m concerned about personalizing too, it is often related to cheap grace, to legalism, to shame that may not even belong to us. On the internet we would call this a “trigger,” there is something within you being “triggered.” This is a fine line to walk, because people will sometimes say things that are convicting. Conviction is good, so you simply ask God about it and see if He needs to change your heart. Or not! It is always possible you are being convicted to stand your ground. What is not so good is lots of unresolved shame so you feel as if you are standing on shaky ground all the time and everything people say begins to feel like an attack. Jesus Christ went to the cross, despising the shame on our behalf. If we are carrying around unresolved shame, lay it down before Him and let Him set you free.
“Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” -Hebrews 12:2
In faith, to be “convicted,” is related to judgment. That is one definition. In Christ there is another definition, it means “an unshakable belief in something without need for proof or evidence.” One is convicted, unshakable, standing on the Rock. Some women call it standing on His shoulders. You will not be moved because you have been cleansed, redeemed, claimed. I speak here of not being moved emotionally, psychologically, your inner cage cannot be rattled because you are convicted.
Learning how to depersonalize things, even an outright attack, is a valuable skill to have. It makes you far less vulnerable, it helps you to control your emotions, it teaches you to not pick up things that do not belong to you, and it creates rest for your soul. It also helps to bring clarity and wisdom to conversations. But most important, it allows us to step into the shoes that we have been given as precious daughters of a most High God.
SandySays1 said:
You mean because you’re a particular race, nationality, or religion you aren’t guilty of some thing dome years ago by someone from your group? Hallelujah!
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insanitybytes22 said:
LOL! Yes, that can be a part of it, too.
There is a flip side however, some people who get quite heated declaring their perceived vast superiority. I’ll spare us all the links, but people being morons is a real thing in the world.
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SandySays1 said:
True! Moronic must be a communicable disease.
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insanitybytes22 said:
LOL! We’re going to need hazmat suits or perhaps some kind of full body condom. 🙂
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priestlykinglady said:
Now that im older i get more frustrated with people who meddle and “pick up whats not theirs to carry…” Im learning more and more to pull away from getting emotionally involved with anything that wont bring profit..LOL ITS CALLED “MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!” 🙂
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insanitybytes22 said:
Amen! I too have become more frustrated with such things the older I get.
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Rajiv said:
Ah, no, no, no!!
Men can hold long, long grudges.. Trust me.. I have been at the receiving end of two long grudges.
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insanitybytes22 said:
True, they can. I’m sorry if that’s happened to you.
Have you ever heard of the Hatfield’s and McCoys? They’re sort of an American legend, the mother of all family feuds.
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Rajiv said:
I know of the expression, ‘a real McCoy’, but I never inquired into its origin
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insanitybytes22 said:
They were a couple of rural families from the Virginia-Kentucky area around 1863. Something like two dozen of them were killed in various confrontations. It was a bit of a mess because the families would inter-marry, so your worst enemy could than become your in law. Was a child of that union a “real McCoy” or a Hatfield?
Although it’s a true story and they are real families, the newspapers of the time grabbed onto it and sensationalized it. The tale has gone down in history, all entwined with American myths and legends.
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Rajiv said:
Oh boy…. That would be more complex than that…
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Julie said:
Like water off a duck’s back…
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insanitybytes22 said:
Yes, well said. 🙂
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TT said:
Reblogged this on In through One door and out the other.
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insanitybytes22 said:
Thank you. 🙂
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Rebecca LuElla Miller said:
And I can see having a sense of humor helps in the process of not personalizing everything. Thanks for your example, IB. 😀
Becky
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Citizen Tom said:
Something that needed to be said. Excellent!
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Paul said:
Yeah, that is one of the complications with the internet. That which is written as “one to many” is sometimes interpreted as one to one. I’ve had it happen to me and I’ve accidentally done ti to others. It seems self-evident that what we are reading is public and directed at the many but we sometimes do not see it that way. I suspect it is because the very same medium brings us private one to one communications as well (or at least they are supposed to be private). All other forms of communication – i.e. newspapers, cellphone calls, letters, magasines, etc, are all exclusively either one to many or one to one. The internet is the only medium that is supposed to be both at different times.
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Adriana Gomez said:
Yes yes and more yes. We’re living in a day and age that we can no longer communicate with one another because we’re too worried of offending the other party instead of just learning from each other. You have 100% the option of picking and choosing what you’d like to take from a convo! Loved this post ❤️️
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Kim Petitt said:
It’s easy to take things personally. Honestly, it’s something I have done many times over the years, sometimes giving in to anger, sometimes out of shame. That’s not how God wants us to respond to rudeness, or what we perceive is rudeness. Instead, we are to respond in love.
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insanitybytes22 said:
Amen! Well said.
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