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I’m in love and by “love” I mean the superficial, shallow kind like when you fall in love with your latte, your favorite pair of shoes…. or fall  in love with a pastor who really gets it and who just wrote a book.  I speak of AR Bernard and his new book,  ‘Four Things Women Want From a Man’ 

How charming this book is! I suppose one thing I love about it is how simple it is and how it validates so many of the things I have grown concerned about over the years, the decline of marriage, the changes within our culture, and relationships between men and women. Few people actually get it, so when someone does I am inclined to start singing and dancing on the rooftops.

A R Bernard breaks it down into four categories that women want and need from men in relationships, “maturity, decisiveness, consistency, and strength.” Than he elaborates on each one explaining what that looks like, how those things apply to men. He seems to understand that what women really seek from men is safety, protection and provision.

He also seems to get that what women complain about so often is having to carry so much of the emotional baggage, about how we lament about how we wish men would just grow up. He knows that women don’t want to be mothers, at least not to husbands, and he has a good understanding of the cultural changes that have happened over the past few decades and are now working against us.

There’s not a single thing in this book that I didn’t like. His insights are quite lovely and touch on many of the things about men and women that I’ve written about on this blog One thing he points out that I have long lamented, is how women are such keen observers, that we know men so well, but we do not even know our own selves! Women do not understand ourselves as well as we understand our men. So when a man asks a woman, “what do you want?” We just haven’t got a clue.  We were hoping you would tell us!

And therein lies one of the problems between men and women, men are often seeking to discover what women really want, and women who do not  know ourselves, who have little awareness about what makes us tick, are often asking ourselves the same question.

It isn’t true of all women of course, some of us are very self-aware, but that is somewhat rare and it often comes from the school of hard knocks.. For the most part we grow up within a culture full of deception, forever trying to define for us what women “ought to want” or “should want.” In a world heavily influenced by feminism, try telling a strong, empowered woman that what she really desires from a man on an innate level is, “maturity, decisiveness, consistency, and strength,” and you would probably be chased out-of-town.

Also, AR Bernard gets extra credit points for pointing out that, “it wasn’t the institution of Christianity that attracted me, it was the personhood of Jesus Christ.”

Amen! Get that part right and all the rest will follow.