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“You can’t create chemistry” is a popular theme about the intertoobz, as if to say that marriage, attraction, romance, is based on this elusive thing we have no power over. It’s like the mist, invisible, chemical. So the thinking goes that either chemistry is there or it isn’t and that it can just fade in marriage and then we will fall out of love, hapless victims of chemistry.

Or, another version of “chemistry” suggests you just can’t help who you fall in love with, we are completely powerless over who we are attracted to.

Utter rubbish, all of it. We are not victims of our own pheromones, nor are we powerless over our own attraction cues. “Chemistry” is this totally subjective thing based on a number of factors within our own brains. We control our own chemistry and with any luck, you can greatly influence someone else’s “chemistry” too.

If there was one myth I could completely dismantle, remove from the marriage blogger’s vocabulary, rid the entire world of, it would be the myth of blasted “chemistry.” I could post a thousand scientific links, we could debate this issue till the cows come home, but this scene from Grease is so much more fun.

 

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