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Last Sunday, this very, very bad man led me astray, on the way to church no less. He totally enticed me, most unfairly I might add, by stating he felt an inclination for chicken fried steak with sausage gravy. Then he simply looked at me. I totally resisted, I mean I seriously fought the good fight…..for nearly 8 seconds. What can I say, obviously I am weak and it was sausage gravy after all.

“It’s just breakfast” he said, “you’ll be back in time for church.” Keep in mind that I was actually in the process of walking to church when he said these words and I had about six minutes to get there. It seemed only logical to actually get in the truck with him and explain that we could not possibly go out to breakfast, eat, and return in six minutes. Logic also suggested this discussion should continue over breakfast, since there wasn’t any time to waste and sausage gravy is always better hot.

Somewhere in the process of breakfast, my mind went blank and I lost track of the conversation. When I looked up to try to get my bearings, this very bad man said, “There are baby pigs at the fair.” This made absolutely no sense to me, it was unrelated to anything at all and completely out of context. My rational brain couldn’t process those words, but my rational brain doesn’t even operate when it comes to baby pigs. I was completely powerless and didn’t even recognize myself saying the words, “I want to see the baby pigs!”

“I thought you wanted to go to church?” he said. Yes, like if we hurry I just might make the last five minutes or something.

See, this is how things snowball, first it is just breakfast with a good-looking man, than it is skipping church, than you find yourself at the county fair….looking at tractors, farm equipment, assorted greasy things. Let me tell you, anybody who wishes to be led astray by a man has got to feign some interest inΒ  greasy things. Also, that is the fastest way to get to the baby pigs.

Needless to say, this very bad man who has hardly eaten a vegetable in his life and has little interest in flowers, suddenly decided we should take a leisurely stroll through the agriculture building. I truly doubt the sincerity of his interest while reading all those Latin plant names, but we did eventually make it to the baby pigs.

The little piglets were just adorable and I got to pet them. Having absolutely no pride left since I have survived four teenagers, I am not ashamed to tell you I could probably wallow around in hay, pig muck, and piglets for the rest of my life.

It was a lovely day. We stopped for coffee on the way home where I was planning to promptly do some housework and go jogging take a long, leisurely nap, when that coffee suddenly turbo charged the very, bad man. He announced he didn’t want to go home just yet, but felt like taking a Sunday drive, to see the grand kids apparently because it ended with us all having burgers together.

The moral of this story is that if you have access to sausage gravy and baby farm animals, you pretty much get to rule the world.

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****Repost from 2015

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