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green eyedWhen did yogurt become such an estrogen laced concoction of marketing genius? Yogurt is now the answer to all things womanly, kind of like cats, except in pretty pastel colors.

Yogurt supports digestive health which is clearly indicated by the little scientific cartoon intestines doing their happy dance. If dancing intestines don’t do it for you, maybe having a smiling tummy will, although that one is a bit creepy. I’m not quite sure I want to grow a mouth on my tummy. Has yogurt been genetically modified? I’m a bit worried they may have taken some mouth genes, spliced them with a strawberry, and hidden them in my yogurt. I have a slight concern that I may start to grow fins, like those little probiotics that swim across the screen.

Carb free yogurt, Greek yogurt, high protein yogurt…. yogurt in a container actually shaped like a woman. Awesome! If I can’t be shaped like a woman, at least my yogurt container will be.

My grocery store now has 45 rows of mashed girl food to choose from, all with their complimentary social causes designed to trigger an emotional response. End breast cancer, kill your mother’s thighs, save the planet. I have seriously considered having a full-blown, hormonally fueled emotional meltdown in the yogurt section, just to show them how much I care. It’s still on my bucket list,  I just have to figure out how to lock the manager in the freezer.

Do you know they actually make yogurt body lotion? If you can’t eat the stuff, now you can just lather it all over you.

despicable+++ Repost from 2014

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