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attraction, biology, culture, faith, insanitybytes22, marriage, men and women, opinion, relationships
I have to tell you, one of my pet peeves in the world is “Godly wife” marriage bloggers, red pill gals, and Proverbs 31 wives. Don’t get me wrong here, I’m quite fond of Christian women in general, most of them anyway. What I’m not so fond of is the judgemental lady marriage bloggers who just have a special way of hissing and spitting their virtue all over you and getting it all wrong in the process. Religiosity, I don’t care for it much.
So, Lori Alexander at “Always Learning” has put a bee in my bonnet in a post called, “Should Women with No Children Be Keepers at Home?”
A woman without kids writes to her wanting to quit her job and stay home, but hubby is not in agreement. In the course of the letter the lady also reveals, “My husband does almost ALL of the cooking, dishes, grocery shopping, and his own laundry. … He views it as helping me out and doesn’t understand my resentment and discontent. But I view it as he is taking over my job as the housewife (and neglecting his job of being provider)…. I can see so many ways he is not doing things (housework) efficiently. He wastes things; he doesn’t get them clean enough, he doesn’t organize things well…”
Okay, right off the bat I can recognize several issues, because I have them within me too! First off hubby doesn’t agree with you about quitting your job, so let’s consult an expert blogger who knows better and will set him straight? That’s kind of funny, but it is not quite submission, or healthy communication, for that matter. Not really biblical either.
So why is submission so valuable, so helpful for wives? Because it provides us with focus. Freedom, not oppression. We submit to husbands, not to Lori Alexander, not to a Betty Crocker commercial, not to the opinions of our friends, not to other wives, not to a myriad of unrealistic expectations placed on women…..often by other women, or even by ourselves. Nobody’s expectations, opinions matter here, except your husband’s and your own. He’s the one you have to talk to.
So we have a hubby who is cooking, cleaning, doing laundry…and creating resentment and discontent. The existence of resentment and discontent speaks to the wife’s need for control, territorial issues, and competitiveness. Hubby is usurping her perceived authority. She then proceeds to run hubby down, he’s doing it all wrong. I could do it so much better. I so empathize there, “he’s doing it all wrong” is my line, but I always bite it back. That is all about me and my need for control. Anytime a husband is pitching in and you are feeling resentful, encroached upon, you are wrestling with control issues, self, ego. Rather than gratitude, appreciation, you’re mad. That’s pride.
Lori says none of these things. She says, “I encourage you to memorize 1 Peter 3:1-6. This is God’s prescription for women with disobedient husbands.”
Woah, hold up here! Disobedient husbands? Disobedient to whom? You can’t pig pile on a man you don’t even know, a man who is guilty of …doing the laundry! What the heck? In fact, you shouldn’t even be calling him disobedient, that’s not even your place. To make matters worse she says, “I believe all women should be keepers at home since there aren’t any career women in the Bible who left their homes all day long and God never commands women to be the providers.”
Lori, you seem to have forgotten about our Proverbs 31 wife or Lydia with the purple cloth. There are a myriad of women in the bible engaging in commerce. Paul, while building the early church is often meeting in women’s homes, women he met in the market place because they were merchants. The 1950’s western stereotype of the idle housewife is not representative of biblical times. Regardless, what YOU believe is completely irrelevant. What scripture says matters, what God says matters, and what that woman’s husband believes matters.
You simply cannot lecture women about submission, fail to address the wife’s own pride issues that are causing her distress, while labeling her husband disobedient and than proceeding to insist you know better. Just no.
Here’s the key to one problem, “Plus with him waiting on me hand and foot, it makes me view him as less of a man.” All hubby is really guilty of in this case is helping to kill attraction, attraction built on a narrative that wives actually write ourselves. You view him as less of a man…..because you are viewing him as less of a man.
Julie said:
Getting it all wrong is right! Sheesh.
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insanitybytes22 said:
I know, sheesh is right.
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Rebecca LuElla Miller said:
Well, that poor woman—struggling so with an attentive husband. How dare he give himself to meeting her needs! How dare he help around the house! Hahah! So funny and yet so sad that she doesn’t hear her own whining and grumbling and complaining, or see her husband’s good intentions, if nothing else.
She also seems to have forgotten Rebekah who was a shepherdess and Deborah who went to war. Or how about Nabal’s wife Abigail who apparently superintended the entire estate. How about Ruth, who did, in fact work as the provider for herself and her mother-in-law. And what about the widow who Elisha told to sell the oil that miraculously multiplied, so that she could pay her debts and provide for herself and her sons.
Sometimes I think people, women included, read the Bible and look right past the women.
Becky
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insanitybytes22 said:
“Sometimes I think people, women included, read the Bible and look right past the women.”
Yep, you’ve nailed it there! I’m not sure why we do that, but I know it took me a while to really see them, too. Ravi Zacharias in one of his books or quotes taught me something really interesting, the women in the bible are often entwined with the evidence of Christ’s divinity. So if you were to edit the women out of the story, you would actually be erasing Christ’s divinity. He reveals Himself first to the woman at the well, He proves Himself to the pharisees with the woman about to be stoned, and so it goes until you begin to see that each encounter with a woman is what provides the evidence of who Christ is.
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Rebecca LuElla Miller said:
Yeah, the woman who poured perfume over him to anoint his body for burial. Mary and Martha and Christ’s declaration, I am the resurrection and the life. The woman who touched His garment to be healed of her infirmity, the Samaritan who pleaded with Him to heal her daughter. The widow whose son He raised from the dead. And of course the women who arrived at the empty tomb. The widow who gave her last mite. I don’t know that all these relate to Christ’s divinity directly, but certainly a case can be made for this.
Ravi Zacharias is a good teacher!
Becky
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dawnlizjones said:
Rattle that cage, girl! Appreciate your push back, much needed.
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insanitybytes22 said:
That’s me, cage rattler. Or sometimes I just have to chew through the bars first thing in the morning. 🙂
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Stone said:
Well said. Her blogs is really “Always Right”. I don’t think the desire for women wanting to control ever goes away. Once they can no longer control their husbands or kids, they seek out other women and to control them personally and or/their marriage under the guise of being a “godly mentor”. I don’t know how much people genuinely want to help as much as they just want the rush of seeing others do things “their way”. Its foolish to think that all people give advice for altruistic reasons.
She often closes posts by telling women if you have a problem reach out to a godly woman…like today’s post:
“If your submission is producing ugliness, seek out a godly, older woman and learn about having a quiet and gentle spirit.”
Its like a TV commercial –call 1-800-godlymentor now!
Some (not all by any means) have created an industry of the Titus II Women. They need young desperate woman to survive, to feel needed, to fulfill their desire for control and the claws come out anytime a woman says, “no thanks for the advice, but I will follow my husband”. Its a crash to their ego. Women today are use to revolving their life around experts, so it seems natural to seek out and listen to a “self-appointed” expert rather than what their own husband wants.
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SLIMJIM said:
Wow this post is one fire! I love your point: “First off hubby doesn’t agree with you about quitting your job, so let’s consult an expert blogger who knows better and will set him straight?”
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Maeve said:
When I read your post above the first thing that popped into my head was, “has she discussed maybe working part-time with the hubs?” Has she explained that it really bums her out that she has no time to do those things she loves around the house (even though she appreciates everything he does for her). Has she even tried to describe her instinctive desire to care for her home and him?
Also makes me wonder if she wasn’t a pretty happy woman until she stumbled upon La Lori.
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insanitybytes22 said:
I know! She really needs to talk with her husband, explain her needs to him.
I just feel as if this woman has a rather nice hubby, he seems considerate and helpful, they’ve been married for 12 years, but they recently started attending a church and now suddenly she’s feeling insecure about her role. To make matters worse, she visits Lori who tells her her husband is disobedient! So we have two faith based responses that are actually doing more harm than good to a marriage and really messing with this woman’s head. It’s a disaster.
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Maeve said:
This burns me! These people who want to control – “GODLY WOMEN hand the toilet paper thusly….”
And then we wonder why so many walk away from the Church. It’s not Christ they’re leaving, it’s all the “authorities” on Him.
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Maeve said:
I meant “hang” – too annoyed to type correctly – correctly!
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insanitybytes22 said:
“It’s not Christ they’re leaving, it’s all the “authorities” on Him.”
Yes. That is what is at the heart of most of my blogging about this kind of stuff. It actually harms marriages and drives people away from Christ Himself.
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Paul said:
I think you must have misread her statement IB – she was asking women to be BEE KEEPERS not to be keepers.
To BEE or not to BEE that is the question – don’t your read your Shakespeare young lady?
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insanitybytes22 said:
Ha! Good point, Paul.
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Booky McBookerson said:
I’ll just leave this here, lol: https://signpostsstrangeland.wordpress.com/2016/02/10/dont-get-stuck-in-the-im-an-expert-phase/
Also, regarding push back, the problem is that, with these women, it only results in this: https://signpostsstrangeland.wordpress.com/2016/05/12/masochists-for-jesus/
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insanitybytes22 said:
Thank you for those links, much appreciated. Lots of wisdom there and you made me laugh at the same time. I think my new saying will now be, “remember to be Godly, not gawdly.”
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Lorra B. said:
Isn’t it just like us humans to try and change everything and EVERYONE around us instead of asking God to change OUR hearts and be grateful for who and what we have in our lives? Personally, I would jump ( and I would like to think without complaint) at my hubby helping me out that way…if what he was doing didn’t meet my needs then so be it! Where is the grace? Anyway, another great read!
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Citizen Tom said:
Strange. If you don’t have any children, and your husband is happy to share in the household chores, what is the point in staying at home? I could understand if the lady said something about wanting to adopt, but that is not there. My guess is that hubby is worried about the mischief his wife will get into if her hands are idle.
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