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Violet has linked to my post The Dallas Shooting, which was actually based on some ideas put forth by Night Wind. Violet’s post is called “love and security or leadership and authority?”

First off let me say, love and security IS leadership and authority. No leadership and authority, no love and protection either. The two cannot be separated. Children who grow up in homes where there is no parental authority but plenty of freedom often wind up feeling very confused and emotionally abandoned. What protects us? Authority. No one ever stands behind the completely powerless, seeking safety, security. That would be scary and foolish.

Second of all, wayward Christians? Wayward in what way? Wayward means difficult to control or predict because of unusual or perverse behavior.” Wilful, stubborn, defiant, headstrong, obstinate.  So ironically Violet is calling me wayward because of my alleged unwillingness to comply with authority, hers, the left side of the political spectrum, secularism, progress, whatever. That’s somewhat funny. Where did MY love, security, and tolerance suddenly go? If we are rejecting all leadership and authority here, than surely I can’t be wayward and difficult to control? Isn’t “control” kind of an authoritarian word?

Violet apparently is not quite so willing to allow me to self identify as a Christian, a female, and a heterosexual one at that. IB wayward  due to, “Wayward Christians and their obsession with ‘traditional family values’ that have actually never existed.”

Somewhat sad, after Violet’s complaint about US gun culture, she objects to my declaration that fathers are vitally important to children, to wives, to the culture in general. A lack of male leadership, fatherless homes, single parents, these things are all statistically relevant and become quite predictive in what challenges the children are going to face, and also the community at large. As wonderful as moms can be, there are just some things that fathers bring to the equation that mothers cannot.

Violet cites a study and than declares, “Because, believe it or not, decent role models for male children aren’t restricted to adult males. Children flourish when they are raised in secure, loving environments – regardless of the gender of the caregivers. The tendency to misattribute a lack of assumed gender stereotypes to poor outcomes for a child is wildly speculative at the least, but more probably agenda driven.”

No. No, there is some pretty hard core data based on numerous scientific studies that clearly indicate having an absent father is just not ideal. Then there is the human and emotional element, there is not a single human being that hasn’t felt that loss deeply at some point in their life. Those who try to declare otherwise really are agenda driven.

This stuff really isn’t rocket science. A child growing up without a father in a home where either fathers are not perceived as valuable or else dad has emotional issues and has proven himself harmful, is going to have major challenges trying to recognize and understand what positive masculinity even looks like. Girls and boys will both suffer, but boys who are learning to be men will watch and learn about how men are perceived in their household and internalize those messages, personalize them.

So, about those “Wayward Christians and their obsession with ‘traditional family values’ that have actually never existed.” Stuff happens and perfect families have never really existed. I realize that. Fathers have always died, abandoned families, had issues, but never before in any kind of recent history have we been so stupid as to try to suggest that gender doesn’t matter, that fatherhood is not important, and that to even suggest otherwise is to be wayward, counter cultural, perverse.

Fathers are so important for our physical, mental, and spiritual health, that we were all given two, an earthy father and a heavenly Father. The one upstairs is a great friend of widows, orphans, and the fatherless, and He can heal those losses, those wounds, but they are still wounds, because children were designed to have stable homes with access to two separate genders to teach them about themselves and the world around them. Children are not pawns for a political agenda, they are human beings in their own right who will grow up to walk in a world where 98% of the people will still self identify as the gender they are born with.

To say otherwise is not only false, it is cruel.