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Recently in bloggerville there was a joke about waking up after a nap to an empty house and wondering if everyone had been raptured and perhaps you got left behind? It made me laugh because I understand the sense of disorientation that can a happen when you wake up to an empty house. I am not like that all, I am far more likely to be like a kid whose parents have gone out of town. Party! I’d be blasting praise music and putting my feet upon the coffee table, and roaming from room to room looking for towels. It’s a bit pathetic, but towels are  my treasure and people tend to hoard them here and then we become a house with no towels. That is my nemesis in life, fighting for a towel, and I frequently lose.

It is rare that I am ever alone, in fact we are far too crowded and it is like Space Invaders invading…. well, invading my personal space bubble which ideally is about 30 feet in all directions. I have literally been shoved into the closet a couple of times. Sometimes it feels as if I live in my car more than my house and judging from all the coffee cups and empty wrappers that really is where I work and eat and live.

Along with the physical invasion of space comes the tsunami of needs, just this endless list of, mom you need to do this…

This is probably a lament of many moms, I just happen to have extenuating circumstances that have made it so much worse.  As if that were not challenging enough, I am a nester and a bit of control freak, or  I was until everything changed.  So this is huge violation on every level, emotional, spiritual, physical, psychological.

We all have a plan for our lives I suppose, a blueprint for how things are going to go. My husband and I had one and we sacrificed and worked hard and dreamed of it together and then life happened and changed everything. God happened too, which is a good thing or I suspect I would have bailed by now. True also of my husband I suspect, I’d be stowed away in a shipping container heading South and he’d be going North. We’re both avoidant, which is somewhat funny, because where many couples would be fighting over who gets the kids or who gets the house, he and I have actually irrationally argued about who gets to boldly flee the whole mess.

I have what amounts to the precise opposite of abandonment issues. When our lives imploded, I really did turn to God and say, “whatever, go ahead and leave me here in the 9th circuit of hell, in this little tiny house with all these impossible situations.” I wasn’t expecting an answer at all, it wasn’t a test, it wasn’t a threat, it was a “whatever,” like “talk to the hand.” One of those things where you grit you teeth and say “fine, whatever.” But God answered and said “No. No, it’s not fine at all.”

God happened.  It’s the hardest thing to explain to people, but He has changed everything just like He promised. Whether people are avoidant or they fear being abandoned, ether way I promise you God is a bit like the army, He leaves no man behind and He always takes care of His own.

fine

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