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1. Learn to fly. Superman can fly. Batman and Spiderman have improvised but they can fly, too. Edward the vampire in Twilight can fly. Rocket man can fly. Learn how to fly. Flying is important to women.
2. Be tall. Be precisely 2.2 inches taller. This is absolutely critical. I realize this can be challenging because women come in all different sizes and height is not something one can control on a whim. Fortunately women are easily deceived, so you can always arrive on a horse. Or find a dangerous profession like climbing telephone polls. The point is, we need to be able to look up to see you. If you can fly, this shouldn’t be a problem.
3. Drive a cool car. This is actually not completely true. You can also ride a horse. Or a motorcycle. Riding a flying dragon would be even better. If you can actually fly, don’t worry about number 3 at all. (Unless you have a Bat mobile in your garage, in which case, yes definitely, drive that.)
4. Become a billionaire. Actually, billionaires are always getting divorced. And murdered. And taken to court. It worked well for Batman, he was a billionaire, but Batman could also fly.
5. Be warm blooded. Girls like warmth. One shouldn’t have to state the obvious, but Edward the vampire was like a slab of marble that sparkled like diamonds. Even though he could fly, Bella nixed him immediately in favor of a werewolf when it got really cold out. Only women in their 50’s seek cold slabs of marble and that’s only for a season.
6. Try to save a drowning bear. This happened recently, a bear got shot with a tranquilizer dart and almost drowned. The man who swam out and rescued the bear got so much female attention, he’s had to go into the witness protection program.
7. Do not act like a psycho. While it’s true that Charles Manson gets fan mail and he was recently engaged, it turns out his fiancee was only marrying him so she could sell his corpse on ebay. This not only proves there is someone for everyone, it proves the laws of attraction.
8. That mesmerizing vampire stare thing? That’s just annoying. Don’t do that. You can try a mask however, like Batman. Batman is cool.
9. If you’re bungling, don’t like to bathe, or drink too much, try being a pirate. Pirates are awesome. You could be covered in barnacles with seaweed in your hair and girls wouldn’t care. Think Johnny Depp.
10. Did I mention how important it is to know how to fly??
***REPOST FROM 2015
See, there's this thing called biology... 
LOL…very funny.
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BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
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Lol excellent! I’m going to make ready the horse and the leg extensions pronto!
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As unruly and unpredictable as women can be, from personal experience, I have found that they are extremely consistent with regard to #7.
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LOL, yes. It’s also unwise to get into a competition with women over who can be the bigger psycho. I had to laugh when Manson broke off his engagement. I think he lost that round.
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Manson said afterwards that the whole plan was stupid, since everybody knows that he’s immortal. (No really: he said that).
However, Joran Vandersloot is not only still getting married, he’s actually become father since becoming a notorious serial killer.
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Loved this. I’m sending a link of this, to my twenty-something son.
Shine On
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11. Try making a list of things that women like instead of things that men like. Consult actual women instead of action movies for this. Eliminate anything that you cannot maintain right up until the age of 97.
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On a practical level, these work.
1. Learn to fly: have ambitions. Not having life goals is a bad trait.
2. Be tall: many women like men who can be a father figure…so they can be a father.
3. Drive a cool car: having a mode of transportation is important…
4. Become a billionaire: being able to pay the bills whilst capable.
5. Be warm blooded: be warm, caring and appreciative.
6. Try to save a drowning bear: be caring for animals too.
7. Do not act like a psycho: relationships with narcs are always destructive.
8. That mesmerizing vampire stare thing? Don’t be overly eager.
9. Be good to yourself and bathe for chrissake.
10. Stop sitting on your ass, and move!
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LOL, perfect! Now there’s an actual list people can use.
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LOL My friend has a shirt that says “Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, then always be Batman”.
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IB2:
If you mean flying by doing massive amounts of drugs; yes women really go from drug addicts.
I remember when I was kid watching the old Batman TV series. It always surprised me that Batman was always single while psychotic criminals like the Joker and Riddler always had hot babes around them. Now, it’s no mystery. Women ignore rich heroes who take baths and drive cool cars but are drawn to dirtbags and psychos like magnets.
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I’m going to have to write more about that, Eric. I think that really bothers men, to see women with nutcases, not just because men are doing everything right and missing out, but because men have a natural inclination to try and protect women and it’s probably rather maddening to be unable to protect women from the nature of our own selves.
Women are truly not drawn to dirtbags and psychos, not the majority of us. Women have a natural inclination to try and fix men, to try and bring out their higher selves, and when we get wounded or damaged, we can really become confused about all those signals. There are also women who feel so bad about themselves that they seek out men who are so awful, by default we make ourselves feel better about who and what we are.
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IB2:
There was an interesting discussion about this on another forum recently. I think that this phenomenon bothers men more than most women realize; and for two reasons. One is the reason you mentioned, that men instinctively want to protect women from males like that, and women don’t seem to want any protection from them at all.
The second reason is what the moderator at that blog said; that a man’s greatest fear is insignificance. To see women giving greater value to worthless males than they do to worthwhile men really has a bad effect on male psychology. For example, if a man shows interest in a single woman and she doesn’t reciprocate—but does give her affections instead to some baboon with his pants down around his kneecaps—you could imagine how men would react.
Whether that describes the majority of women or not, it’s hard to say.
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It’s a really good point, Eric. I can see how that messes with the male psyche.
I can totally understand why men would be upset by women giving greater value to lessor men, but honestly I believe women are seldom ever aware of those hierarchies. We don’t see higher value and lessor value in quite the same way men do. I know I cannot see them very well, but my husband sure can.
Fear of insignificance, yes, that is just screaming out all over the manosphere. That’s a frustrating one because many men seem to have no idea how significant they are, how powerful, how much they matter.
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IB2:
Another thing to consider about male psychology: as it’s pointed out in the Manosphere frequently, typically those types of males don’t even represent masculinity in any way, shape, or form.
I was reading a story in the news the other day about a reporter in New Zealand who was reporting on a traffic accident when a woman drove off the car and into the lake. The reporter dove into the water, smashed out a car window and took her from the sinking car to safety.
The reporter was somewhat of a handsome fellow named Simon Maude. Let’s see: according to his CV, he graduated from Auckland University of Technology, does volunteer work, and has held several positions in mass media.
In contrast, let’s look at Robert Pattison, voted the ‘Hottest Man in the World’ by women. Dropped out of school in 6th Grade, portrays a vampire on TV, says on his website that his worst habit is ‘talking about himself too much’ and admits that he sometimes vomits during film shoots because his nerves are bad. Couldn’t think of an answer when asked about other interests. I did note that on his vital statistics, he’s about 30-40 lbs. underweight for his height, so I doubt if he’s capable of breaking a window in a sinking car.
Now, given the difference in attractiveness to women between Robert Pattison and Simon Maude contrasted with their characters and accomplishments, can you see why men feel dispirited? We see this kind of thing on a daily basis.
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Maybe some of that “dispirited frustration” on the part of certain men feeling so much angst about why women aren’t more “practical” about which types of guys they seem to choose, is that I think a lot of the time such guys are forgetting the more obvious question of which guy the particular woman just actually enjoys being around…
Sure, being able to smash in the window of a sinking car might come in handy once in a while, but overall that kind of trait quickly becomes rather superfluous if the dude can’t even make interesting dinner conversation…
But then again, what do I know. After reading this post I am fairly tempted to think that IB has a bit of a long-standing crush on Batman… 😉
So I wonder then, what is the general consensus on men wearing tights anyhow…?
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Hey, sorry I couldn’t respond earlier. Was taking a little flight and intended to get back sooner. Was flying off to the bank to transfer a billion to my play account. Darned if on the way back I didn’t l down in the river as I passed over and there was a FAMILY or bears all going down for the third time..had to stop and help, you know.
Back now though, what did I miss?
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You didn’t miss too much. Just got back myself, I was busy warming up a litter of orphaned newborn kittens with my radiant body heat, in my hover-Ferrari, wearing a gold-plated Guy Fawkes mask. Pretty boring Saturday for the most part….
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Hover Ferrari? Wow. Rather amateur really. When I say I took a flight, I meant took a flight…as in leaping from tall buildings. LOL
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Yeah well my hover-Ferrari is capable of inter-planetary travel. Plus it’s the hybrid-version, so ya know, better for the environment and stuff…
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Darn it…flying AND environmentally sensitive…I fear I have been defeated!
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Yeah, you can’t be a super hero with a massive carbon footprint these days…. 😉
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Hahahah. Yes.
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UGH!!!! Great! …now I have “I believe I can fly” by R. Kelly stuck in my head!
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Hehehe! By far my favourite post for a long time! Awesome!!!
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They try to change men , say u r not someone special. I want a superman .. And when he learns to fly and keep rescuing people , women come back and say u have changed a lot u don’t give time . why don’t you act like a normal human being.. Now this happens 😉 😉 crazy world. Pun intended 😉 😉
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Wow, no wonder i’m single. I didn’t realize the criteria were quite so strict.
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Just way too well said and written, IB! I’m guessing it’s also, probably, on the nose.
Best,
— x
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Ha ha… you’re so right. I’m not the least bit mortified at how dirty Johnny Depp looks as a Pirate. Lol.
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I haven’t read anything this funny for a while 🙂 I’m sitting at work on a rainy day, laughing my ass off while reading this masterpiece. This truly is worthy of reblogging. Now I’m gonna learn to fly…
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Reblogged this on RejZoR's Flock of Sheep and commented:
This has to be the most hilarious stuff I’ve read in a while 😀
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Thank you for the reblog, much appreciated. 😉
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No problem, it was a real joy reading this one 😀
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This was quite a departure from your normal post´s, I didn´t even know you had a sense of humour, had a good laugh though reading this. But it is demanding….saving a bear from drowning, come on couldn´t it be a pigeon or something small that requires less effort. And flying… do know how to do that though, tried it once when I was 3 years old. I just saw the first superman movie, got on the bump bead in my superman custom and flew…for about a second then crash landed and broke my collar bone. But I did fly, so on that one I just have to perfection just the altitude from where I´m going to jump from, the higher the longer I´ll be in the air. I can already see the line of women waiting to see me……in my casket. And they all will probably be smiling to themselves.
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Cosplay. Make a costume or have yourself surgically altered to become a cat. Women love cats. Make sure you learn how to use the cat box though.
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Brilliant! haha
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How very entertaining on this cold winter storm morning …loved reading all the funny comments too ! Lol for sure ! …xxxmeg
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I tried the whole superhero costume thing, and found that it was really tough to eat a roast beef sandwich with the cowl on, and having to go to the bathroom was problematic. Otherwise, I did get an awful lot of stares at the market..
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LOL! Well there you go! Nothing throws women off balance quite like a good superhero costume.
I kid you not, not long ago I crashed right into superman, holding a plate of cookies. It was a bit disorienting and made the whole rest of the day feel surreal. 😉
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I hope this “man” can look good in tights for the rest of his life and fight evil villains forever. If not, I prefer the man I already have. Who would laugh at me if I asked him to wear tights, he has saved me a time or two already. He’s not perfect, I am not either, but we love each other, most of the time, lol.
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Haha Awesome!
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Reblogged this on KnightHearth and commented:
Unattached men out there, take note…
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Thank you for the reblog, much appreciated. 😉
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“How to attract Men” next?
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Ha.. that’s easy…food. We are not complex creatures.
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Bacon!! 😉
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LOL, that’s a great idea. I’ll have to ponder that for a while however, because we all know that life is not exactly equal and fair. The first step to attracting men is…..to exist 😉
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Pingback: How to Attract Men | See, there's this thing called biology...
F**k that s**t!
I choose to be a man going his own way, doing my own thing with my own money and time. I’ll continue to not treat women as special snowflakes and instead treat them as human beings that need to earn my trust and respect — like any human being.
All the feminists and the like will, as they always have, stay the heck away from me (which is great!), others will find my ignoring them and abstaining from their entitlements to be ridiculously sexy (which would be great were it not for all the crap laws the feminists have had put in place…), and the very, very few women out there — probably only a dozen or so worldwide — whom I actually want to be with will still be glad to hang out with me and perhaps start a relationship (which is also great!).
I know how this works……
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So I take this to mean you’re not going to learn how to fly?? 😉
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No… It just means I won’t be doing it for any woman! 😉
(I take it you’re VERY attracted to men who can fly…!)
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It’s funny. These might as well be genuine tips for the average guy. Most guys have no clue about how to attract women. Their repertoire usually consists of: flattery, telling the girl how cool they are, telling the girl how many girls are interested in them, outright dissing them without any type of humor element, and repeat.
Guys might as well learn to fly.
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My wife liked me immediately because she could wear her heels around me. Also, I’m a pirate.
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Oh, I totally get that! I married a pirate,too. 🙂
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I can’t blame you!!!
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Ha! Some of us just have good taste. 🙂
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I appreciate that good taste!
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I love your sense of humor!
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Good! She who laughs, lasts. 🙂
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Brilliant. Wit. FB’d!
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Lol. Another piece to the IB puzzle. 🙂
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Hi.lar.I.ous.
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