1. Learn to fly. Superman can fly. Batman and Spiderman have improvised but they can fly, too. Edward the vampire in Twilight can fly. Rocket man can fly. Learn how to fly. Flying is important to women.
2. Be tall. Be precisely 2.2 inches taller. This is absolutely critical. I realize this can be challenging because women come in all different sizes and height is not something one can control on a whim. Fortunately women are easily deceived, so you can always arrive on a horse. Or find a dangerous profession like climbing telephone polls. The point is, we need to be able to look up to see you. If you can fly, this shouldn’t be a problem.
3. Drive a cool car. This is actually not completely true. You can also ride a horse. Or a motorcycle. Riding a flying dragon would be even better. If you can actually fly, don’t worry about number 3 at all. (Unless you have a Bat mobile in your garage, in which case, yes definitely, drive that.)
4. Become a billionaire. Actually, billionaires are always getting divorced. And murdered. And taken to court. It worked well for Batman, he was a billionaire, but Batman could also fly.
5. Be warm blooded. Girls like warmth. One shouldn’t have to state the obvious, but Edward the vampire was like a slab of marble that sparkled like diamonds. Even though he could fly, Bella nixed him immediately in favor of a werewolf when it got really cold out. Only women in their 50’s seek cold slabs of marble and that’s only for a season.
6. Try to save a drowning bear. This happened recently, a bear got shot with a tranquilizer dart and almost drowned. The man who swam out and rescued the bear got so much female attention, he’s had to go into the witness protection program.
7. Do not act like a psycho. While it’s true that Charles Manson gets fan mail and he was recently engaged, it turns out his fiancee was only marrying him so she could sell his corpse on ebay. This not only proves there is someone for everyone, it proves the laws of attraction.
8. That mesmerizing vampire stare thing? That’s just annoying. Don’t do that. You can try a mask however, like Batman. Batman is cool.
9. If you’re bungling, don’t like to bathe, or drink too much, try being a pirate. Pirates are awesome. You could be covered in barnacles with seaweed in your hair and girls wouldn’t care. Think Johnny Depp.
10. Did I mention how important it is to know how to fly??
***REPOST FROM 2015