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Not long ago my youngest was talking to her dad and I was in another room eavesdropping. She was talking to him about boys and men and how she didn’t like them staring at her. “Why do they have to do that?” she asked, completely disgusted. Like many young girls these days, she’s confused about the attention she gets and confused also by her own desire to seek it. The world, feminism, and all the negative messages about men, don’t help matters at all. All she ever hears are these negative stereotypes about stalkers, rapists, and assorted weirdos. If a man so much as looks at you, he must have evil intentions.
Objectifying women is supposedly bad, very bad, but Fems never really tell you what that message does to young girls, who are in many ways going to be biologically motivated to seek such objectification. All this nonsense about objectification is a real shaming message for boys and men, but also consider what we’re doing to girls who are going to someday desire that attention.
So her dad said, it isn’t disgusting at all. He told her he used to watch me all the time when were first dating. He told her he would drive by my work to try and catch a glimpse of me. He would ask about me, if people had seen me and what I was doing. He told her that he couldn’t take his eyes off of me, that all he ever wanted to do was stare at me, that he lived just to catch a glimpse of me.
Trust me, I was falling madly in love with him at this point, from my secret hiding spot where I was eavesdropping, until he said, “Mostly I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because I couldn’t believe how much fried chicken she could eat.”
Oh dear, too funny. It’s true you know. Until I met him, I’d never really had fried chicken and certainly not the kind people make here, where you coat in it bacon grease, bread it, deep fry it in butter, and then bake it. I’m pretty sure such things are now illegal these days. The Trans Fat cops will kick your door down and haul you away.
I really do love this man and I regret some of the hard times we’ve had, some of the stress I added to him. It took me quite a while to cast off several unpleasant things I’d been taught about men and women, things that are so much worse today, things my own daughter is now struggling to unlearn.
I remember all those times he had to patiently explain to me that I wasn’t being very nice. It’s a dreadful thing to admit, but at the time I really didn’t know any better. If you don’t have any good role models at home and you’re born into a world that teaches you that men are to blame for everything, it does a lot of damage to potential relationships.
It’s really rather appalling, but a bit amusing to remember all the times he had to explain to me that I cannot throw things at him, cannot slam doors in his face, cannot scream at him. Cannot with hold affection, cannot glare at him, cannot refuse to speak to him. Over and over again, he had to explain that it wasn’t nice.
I really do empathize and I imagine it must be rather awful to fall in love with somebody you cannot take your eyes off of…..only to have them act as if they hate you all the time. That’s really an awful thing to do to someone. Unfortunately I think it happens a lot. It’s sad because what men really crave is respect and what so many women are taught to give is contempt.
****REPOST FROM 2015
outstandingbachelor said:
“. . .what men really crave is respect and what so many women are taught to give is contempt.”
This describes most ‘under 30’ women I meet, outside of church settings.
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irtfyblog said:
Outstanding, you must be fairly young because this describes most women I meet of any age inside or outside of church settings.
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Eric said:
Outstanding Bachelor:
It also accounts for the reason that the only US marriage demographic that’s going up are marriages to foreign-born women.
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irtfyblog said:
wow. that is an amazing post. I’ve been trying to do a humor piece on the difference of opinion that men and women have when it comes to “being hit on”. What I’ve gathered is that many women feel objectified when a man looks at them and they believe that just the “look” means they are being hit on. While men are mostly clueless.
Anyway, this post is very well written and it gives me some things to think about and restructure what I’ve written thus far. Thank you.
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auroraroschen said:
“She’s confused about the attention she gets and confused also by her own desire to seek it.”
I remember my frustration over this very issue… and my awkward, vulnerability-inducing, comforting, embarrassing, reassuring, loving conversation with my own daddy about my confusion.
“If…you’re born into a world that teaches you that men are to blame for everything, it does a lot of damage to potential relationships.”
Amen! Preach it, sister! Yay for Jesus and the healing power of the Holy Spirit.
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Citizen Tom said:
I have two daughters, both beautiful young ladies. Both were chased and finally “caught.”
Somehow my lady got this idea into my girls. Sex begins with a physical attraction, made evident by a sometimes helpless stare, but marriage requires that the guy loves the gal. The time spent courting may seem long (too long), but it is where a successful marriage begins.
Since you and your husband are willing to spend time with your youngest, I suspect she will feel worthy of being chased.
🙂
Never fear. Some young man will.
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K. Q. Duane said:
I am, everyday, grateful for my patient, understanding and on occasions, deaf husband.
It’s so sad that in our de-Christianized country that the only voice left in the ears of young women is that of the misandrist feminist. What a tragic loss for both the young women AND the young men. Young love putrefied by deliberate, and destructive, lies, before it can even blossom.
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curepornaddiction said:
Your husband is a very wise father. He gave your daughter great feedback. What he said to your daughter, I could feel the love that he has for you. She could as well. Great Post!!
Dale
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curepornaddiction said:
Reblogged this on How to Stop Pornography Addiction and commented:
Thank you for the great post: Great wisdom on Love. Thanks.
Dale
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Eric said:
IB2:
Excellent article. The sad part is that we now have Churchian Gamers teaching their sons to act towards girls like Femihags teach their daughters to behave towards men.
OT, but a special dishonorable mention needs to be made of Vox Day, who proved himself today to be a total pig by exploiting the massacre in France to foment further antagonism between the genders.
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Underdaddy said:
I guess its only stalking if the girl doesn’t like the guy. Good for your husband and for me with my wife. I would go to the place she liked to dance just to try to get her attention, finally worked. Now we have four girls and I will have to venture into that talk one day.
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Mike said:
I need that recipe.
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travelingmind2anywhere said:
“Mostly I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because I couldn’t believe how much fried chicken she could eat.”
oh boy, oh boy! I love this statement…Lol, you have such a sweet hubby.
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Eric said:
I have to admit that using bacon grease for frying chicken sounds interesting…I might have to try this one.
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travelingmind2anywhere said:
Ahh… The sinful the better.. Lol
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Ritu said:
Amazing post! As a mother to a young daughter, i am anticipating all these issues, with a kind of dread…
Hats off to your husband for dealing with it so well!
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motherhendiaries said:
A wonderful post, IB… hits the nail right on the head! And ditto about the doors and screaming… our first 7 years were a battleground. I blame being raised in an all female household and the various romance novels I used to escape into… haha! Boy, if you want lessons on how to be a sophomoric jerk of a woman, just read historical romance… I was a professional jerk for a few years. I’m better now, I think. 🙂 xx MH
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RejZoR said:
This is exactly why I don’t get feminism at all. They want to empower women to be whatever they want, achieve whatever they want, do whatever they want, wear whatever they want, but they don’t like how this attention seeking actions bring, well, attention. You can’t be a famous Hollywood movie star and have same privacy as we have or not being constantly watched by everyone. It’s the same back here for us Earthlings. If you want to be something more than the bland average rest, you’ll bring attention to yourself. It has always been like this and always will be.
And since men don’t really have much option to wear all sort of fancy dresses, jewelry, 5 billion make up variations and so many variations of hair styles, we (men) do attention seeking stuff in a bit different ways, usually dumb ones like doing dangerous stuff or simply provocative things, to bring girls attention on us. One of the things feminists just don’t get it apparently, but that’s why men are such idiots for the most part lol. Because that’s basically only tool that we have. Women on the other hand have so much to offer to us from a visual aspect that you can go mad and one of the reasons why we sometimes stare at pretty girls with our tongue hanging half a meter down without us even realizing it… and girls most likely notice it. Yes, it’s objectification of women, but that’s perfectly normal and healthy objectification and no woman or girl should ever be offended by it. Ok I admit it’s kinda freaky if you have a tongue hanging out for real, but you get my point 😀
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Paul said:
You chicken eater you! it’s 4 am here and I just got up and found your post. So, here I sit at 4 am with my coffee, laughing out loud, all by myself. (Sounds like Green Day song) Great post IB.
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madblog said:
That very last line hit that nail right on the head. If we don’t intentionally innoculate our kids, they will fall right into this.
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flowerofthewoods said:
“I really do empathize and I imagine it must be rather awful to fall in love with somebody you cannot take your eyes off of…..only to have them act as if they hate you all the time.”
You stabbed me right through the heart, IB. Now I need to go apologize and beg forgiveness.
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lovelifeandgod said:
I actually feel really flattered if a guy is staring at me, and if he did any of the goofy things your hubby did, I would fall head over heels. When a man puts so much effort to get a woman to notice him, it’s adorable. Since men are the less attractive gender, it’s their personality that shines to a woman, the love that speaks through their actions. I imagine God gets really amused watching the stupid things men do to impress the women they love.
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Karen Van Benschoten said:
Way back when, I grew up being bullied, picked on, and learned by example (my dad) how men were. Unfortunately that affected my young adulthood dramatically, and now I avoid any situation with men, except in a group of people who are talking and laughing. That is a safe situation.
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xPraetorius said:
Wow! This is a great column! Right. On. The. Nose.
Are you letting a man write your columns about men, and about who and how they are? Hmmmm…? 🙂
Best,
— x
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assortmentbox said:
Both girls and boys should be taught to respect each other and not to promote rivalry . 🙂
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Nikhil said:
Modern Feminism movement has lots itself due to its extreme, uncompromising and patronising nature. Nice to hear some rational thoughts.
Camille Paglia has been advocating this for a long time.
http://www.salon.com/writer/camille_paglia/
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Salvageable said:
I have wanted to write about this issue, but I’ve not been able to phrase it well. You have done a fantastic job! Often I feel guilty just for noticing that a woman is attractive, and I’m afraid that a compliment would sound creepy, coming from me. On the other hand, in some cases women work very hard to look attractive–not just clothing and make-up, but diet and exercise too, and I’m sad that I can’t find words to say I appreciate their success without fearing that I have “objectified” them. The dilemma of contemporary life in a sin-stained world… well, one of many such dilemmas. J.
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superslaviswife said:
Men are excited by sight, women by words. The same way we read and re-read love notes and texts from them as we envisage the end of the day and the next ten years, they want to look us over again and again and picture a life by our side. If you cast aside the modern notion that “male sexual attraction is icky”, it’s kind of sweet, really.
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